How to Be Canadian

Ah Canada. Land of hockey, maple syrup, and beavers. If you feel a need to fit in perfectly just follow these simple instructions. It is guaranteed (or not) to help you blend in with the crowd.

Step 1: How to Build an Igloo

Well the first thing that needs to be done is to make sure you have the proper house to live in and the only thing for that is an igloo!

1. Find a suitable piece of land that won't sink or collapse on you.

2. Cut blocks from dry, hard, snow using a snow saw (yes, these do exist). Each of these blocks should be 3 ft. long, 15 in. high, and 8 in. deep.

3.Form a circle with blocks around the hole created where you cut the blocks. Cut the circle in a spiral from the top of the last block to the ground ahead of the first block. This will make it easy to construct a dome.

4.Build up walls, overlapping the blocks and shaping them so that they lean inward. Cut a hole under the wall for the cold sink and entrance. Put several blocks along one wall as a sleeping platform.

5.The last block must initially be larger than the hole. Place the block on top of the igloo, then, from inside, shape and wiggle it to slot exactly into the hole.

6.Hot air from your body and stove rises and is trapped inside the dome. Cold air falls into the sink and flows away to the outside. It is essential to cut ventilation holes in the walls with an ice axe (those exist to).

7.Settle in for a cold, harsh, life.

Step 2: How to Make Moose Roast

Since you're going to be living like a Canadian, you have the pleasure to eat one of our staple food sources so I've provided a tasty meal that will have all your neighbours asking for the recipe.

Moose Roast

- 4 lb moose meat
- Pepper to taste
- Celery salt to taste
- 2 garlic cloves
- 8 oz (piece) salt pork

Par boil the moose meat in 2 qts of water and 1 tb soda to eliminate the wild taste. Season the moose meat with the celery salt and pepper and place in a stock pot, adding the garlic, salt pork, and enough water to cover; Cook `til meat is tender, then drain reserving the pan juices. Place the meat in a roasting pan and top with the onions, roast at 350 degrees F. until brown, basting with the reserved juices. Thicken the remaining juices for gravy and serve over potatoes served with the moose roast.

Step 3: How to Take Care of Your Beer

Everyone knows that Canadians love their beer, but you may not know how to take care of your stash. Here are some helpful hints to keep your beer tasting great.

Hint #1 – When you take your beer home, make sure you put it in the fridge or in the cellar (or just burry it in the snow). Changes in temperature are not good for beer – do not let it get warm, then cold, then warm, then cold etc.

Hint #2 – Serving temperature is equally as important. Lighter tasting beers need to be served colder because they are designed to be more refreshing. These beers should be served between 2-7ºC. Warmer temperatures will bring out more flavours. Ales, which usually are more robust and flavourful, should be served warmer – anywhere between 5-13ºC.

Hint #3 – The colder beer gets, the less flavour and aroma it has. If it gets below 1ºC, it may feel nice and cold but you could be in for some other issues. Carbon dioxide, when it gets cold, starts to compress and stays in the beer – meaning that you’ll get less foam, which means less aroma and you’ll get a surprise when the gas expands in your stomach as it warms up.

Step 4: How to Compete in a Lumberjack Competition.

The job you are most likely going to get is a lumberjack and you need to be in tip top shape to do this. That is what the lumberjack competitions are for.

Step 1:Understand that a lumberjack competitor uses many hours of hands-on practice to sharpen his skill with an ax and saw. Depending on competition goals (local, regional or national competitions) and time constraints, lumberjack training can be as time consuming as a full time job.

Step 2:Know the types of individual contests within a competition. The popular events are axe throwing, axe chopping, individual and team sawing, log rolling and pole climbing. Each contest has specific rules and regulations that must be followed to avoid disqualification.

Step 3:Realize that lumberjacks use specific tools to practice and compete. Axes with varying weights and size and saws geared toward practice and competition are necessary for the aspiring lumberjack.

Step 4:Find lumberjack competitions in your area or travel to a competition that interests you. Watch several competitions to get a feel for the contests that you'd like to participate in. Mingle with competitors and ask them questions about how to become a lumberjack.

Step 5:Practice for the contests you'd like to enter. Your size doesn't matter as much as the skill that you obtain. A small, skilled lumberjack can outmatch a burly, unskilled lumberjack.

Step 5: How to Talk Canadian

Eh, so, eh, you want to, eh, talk like, eh, a canadian, eh. These, eh, are some terms, eh, that you might, eh, want to, eh, learn about. EH!!


ABM, bank machine: a common term for an automated teller machine. Short for automated bank machine.

Canuck: A slang term for "Canadian" in the U.S. and Canada. It sometimes means "French Canadian" in particular, especially when used in the Northeast of the United States and in Canada. Adopted as the name of the National Hockey League team in Vancouver.

deke: A word derived from decoy and used to decribe a fake or feint intended to deceive a defensive player, often drawing that player out of position, usually in hockey, as in "I deked him out and scored."

double-double: a cup of coffee from Tim Horton's with two creams and two sugars

eh: a spoken interjection to ascertain the comprehension, continued interest, agreement, etc., of the person or persons addressed ("That was a good game last night, eh?"). May also be used instead of "huh?" or "what?" meaning "please repeat or say again."

garburator: a garbage disposal unit located beneath the drain of a kitchen sink.

homo milk: homogenized milk, particularly with a fat content greater than 2%, usually 3.25%. Referred to in the U.S. as whole milk.

hydro: (except Alberta, Saskatchewan, and the Maritimes) commonly as a synonym for electrical service. Many Canadian provincial electric companies generate power from hydroelectricity, and incorporate the term "Hydro" in their names: Toronto Hydro, Hydro Ottawa, etc. Hence hydrofield, a line of electricity transmission towers, usually in groups cutting across a city, and hydro lines/poles, electrical transmission lines/poles.

joe job: a low-class, low-paying job.

Kokanee: British Columbian name for a species of land-locked salmon (accent on first syllable). Also the name of a popular beer made in the Kootenay district, also known as "Blue Cocaine."
Kraft Dinner: Kraft macaroni and cheese.

loonie: Canadian one dollar coin. Derived from the use of the loon on the reverse.

lumber jacket: A thick flannel jackeolett either red and black or green and black favoured by blue collar workers and heavy metal/grunge afficinados.

Newfie, Newf: A colloquial, often derisive term used to describe one who is from Newfoundland and Labrador. Historically used with light humour in "Newfie Jokes", similar to "Dumb Blonde Jokes". Use of the word is now considered to be offensive and in very bad taste.

parkade: a parking garage, especially in the West.

pencil crayon: coloured pencil.

pickerel: This is a slang word for walleye.

pop: the common name for soft drinks or soda pop.

regular: used to denote a coffee with one cream, one sugar ("I'll have two double doubles and a regular")

runners: running shoes, sneakers, especially in Central Canada.

toonie: Canadian two dollar coin. Modelled after loonie (q.v.). Also spelled tooney, twooney, twoonie, twonie, or twoney

tuque: a knitted winter hat, often with a pompon on the crown.

Step 6: How to Treat Frostbite

Well, you pretty much learned how to live as a Canadian but there is one important skill you have to learn if you want to survive. I mean it is to be cold all year long even in the summer so you have high chances you're going to be frostbitten before to long.

1.First, call for help.

2.Keep the affected part elevated in order to reduce swelling .

3.Move to a warm area to prevent further heat loss.

4.Remove all constrictive jewelry and clothes because they may further block blood flow.

5.Give the person warm, nonalcoholic, noncaffeinated fluids to drink.

6.Apply a dry, sterile bandage, place cotton between any involved fingers or toes (to prevent rubbing), and take the person to a medical facility as soon as possible.

7.Never rewarm an affected area if there is any chance it may freeze again. This thaw-refreeze cycle is very harmful and leads to disastrous results.

8.Also, avoid a gradual thaw either in the field or in the transport vehicle. The most effective method is to rewarm the area quickly. Therefore, keep the injured part away from sources of heat until you arrive at a treatment facility where proper rewarming can take place.

9.Do not rub the frozen area with snow (or anything else, for that matter). The friction created by this technique will only cause further tissue damage.

10.The final amount of tissue destruction is proportional to the time it remains frozen, not to the absolute temperature to which it was exposed. Therefore, rapid transport to a hospital is very important.