Want to attend UCSC but worried about making friends or fitting in? Let me give you a hand.

Step 1: Flannel

At least 50% of your clothing should be flannel. Don't worry, they sell it at Urban Outfitters on Pacific.

Step 2: Bong

At UCSC, you are judged by the company you keep. And by that I mean your bong.

Step 3: Impractical and Wacky Winter Headgear

It is vital that you wear your elaborate knit cap all year long, no matter how hot it gets. The more pom-poms and tassels the better, and bonus points if it is handmade by indigenous tribespeople from somewhere nobody has ever heard of.

Step 4: Metal Water Bottle

This one's pretty logical. They keep your water cold and don't give you cancer, which is pretty cool.

Step 5: Bare Your Feet.

Shoes were created by the Man to keep you down.

Step 6: Tattoos

As important a part of your wardrobe as your flannel.

Step 7: Obama

Don't forget to keep congratulating yourself on electing him.

Step 8: Causes

Find a cause you can really get behind, preferably one that will allow you to impress your friends with your compassion and knowledge of world affairs. Palestinian liberation is a good one because there's tons of rallies and their flag is pretty stylish.