If you live in Florida, especially near the beach, then you know how easily sand spurs can find places to grow, in sidewalk cracks or in children's play areas.

In their more benevolent living form the spurs are intended by mother nature merely to allow the offspring to hitch a ride. After death when their dried up husks fall to the ground the spurs are especially worrisome since they may become contaminated with animal feces and e-coli that can be introduced beneath the skin and into the blood stream. Serious and unwanted infection can result in addition to the pain.

Best to vent your anger at the sand spur plant and its offspring for your child being stabbed rather than at your child or another human being. This is best accomplished by dealing with the spurs while they are alive and still attached to the plant.

Step 1: The Tools

You will need the following tools:

Needed for all methods:

1.) good pair of garden gloves (rose checker gloves work best)
2.) pair of garden scissors
3.) brown paper bag

Also needed per method that is selected:

Method I

4.) Box of Borax

Method II

4.) charcoal starter
5.) 100' to 300' outdoor extention cord

Method III

4.) Dutch hoe

Step 2: The Contenders

Method I

WARNING: This method will also kill everything else in the area and render the soil infertile.

Borax

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BORAX, OR SODIUM TETRABORATE, - is a combination of sodium, boron and oxygen, and is mined from the soil in its crude form. Boric acid is a crystalline material derived from borax. Caution: Remember, boric acid and all boron products can act as a stomach poison when ingested. While 20 Mule Team Borax is extremely effective in controlling or eliminating ants, termites, weeds, lice, fleas, spiders and roaches, the Dial Corporation notes, "This product has not been tested nor received approval from the EPA for use as a 27 pesticide." Even so if you mop or spray the floors, voids, sill boxes, tunnels, backs of furniture, appliances and other areas where you see insect pests with borax - you will be surprised on how great the material controls virtually all pests. It has been used for years to make cellulose insulation insect free and fire retardant. It also is great for removing stains in carpeting and/or odors in urinals, etc. - so mop to remove odors and to help clean - in doing so you will also control pests "accidentally."

Method II

Charcoal starter

Basically an electric heating element capable of producing temperatures in excess of 500 degrees Fahrenheit. Be careful and do not get burned.

Method III

Scuffle hoe

One loose blade that cuts the roots when raked to and fro beneath the plant and soil.

Step 3: The Keys to Method I

First use your scissors to remove the spurs from the plant and put them in a bag.

Key #1: Borax concentration

Using just a sprinkle of Borax may actually have the reverse effect and cause the sand spur plant to thank you by making even more luxurious spurs.

The key is NOT to sprinkle just a little Borax but to pour Borax at the base of the plant.

Key #2: Method of application

Work it into the soil with a pointy object.

Now pour a little water over the Borax at the base of the plant - just enough to encourage absorption by the roots - not too much but just enough that the Borax soaks in.

Step 4: Method II

First use your scissors to remove the spurs from the plant and put them in a bag.

Lay the element on the plant and then plug in the cord. When the plant is incinerated unplug the cord and find the next plant. Repeat until all plants within the radius of the extension cord have gone up in smoke.

Step 5: Method III

First use your scissors to remove the spurs from the plant and put them in a bag.

The if the plant is rooted in sand or soil you can use a scuffle hoe to cut the roots. Put the cut plant into the bag with the spurs and find the next plant. Be prepared to repeat this method each and every week.

If the plant is rooted in rocky crevices or cracks then revert to using Method I or Method II.

Step 6: Disposal

If you have any thirst for revenge allow your thirst to be satisfied in this step rather than venting it on another human being.

(Be sure you still have on your gloves!)

Remove the little green monsters from the bag, along with their mommy plants, if Method III was used.

Think of all the pain and risk of infection the offspring spurs and mommy plant cause.

Now beat the spurs flat with a ball pean hammer and then nuke them along with their mommy plants (if any) in the microwave or fry them in a skillet on the stove or roast them in a roasting pan in a hot oven!

DIE, LITTLE MONSTERS, DIE!

Now take pride and satisfaction in knowing that you have protected others from experiencing the same torment and pain suffered by you or your child and that the parent plant has likewise paid (or will pay soon, if Method I was used) for the wrongful deeds of its offspring that produced such painful and highly infectable wounds while pretending that it was just trying to hitch a ride.

SUFFER SAND SPUR MOMMY PLANT, SUFFER AND DIE!

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