Make AWESOME Bath Salts

I like things that make my wife happy. When she is happy I am happy. When she loses her mind after I make her something nice I feel like a man. This is as it should be.

So... restating this really means:
Once Upon A Time, A real man (Namely Myself) made his woman (My spectacular HOT WIFE) some awesome things, this enforces in her mind that her choice as a mate (FOREVER!!) was, in fact, a very wise choice indeed; the King and Queen (Oh yeah... they were a Royalty) then went forward throughout time (ETERNALLY!) and made many babies and bought a house and became old, fat, ugly and content. They never thought of each other as 'old' or 'fat' because they remember everything they've ever done; and the King continued to make his Queen magical things for the rest of their natural lives.

The freaking end.

Now make some Bath Salts and make all your freaking dreams come true.
(AKA: BABIES!! This enable the making of babies! I currently have two! This process works!)

Ingredients:
2 Cups Epsom Salt
1 Cup Sea Salt
(Use Sea Salt, Kosher Salt, or Pickling Salt; none of these will cloud bath water, table salt will.)
1 Cup blended oatmeal
Dishwashing Detergent (or any liquid soap)
Food Coloring
Essential Oil, Perfume, or Cologne
Jar with lid

Equipment:
Mixing bowl
Mixing spoon
Food processor
Sifter

Mix Epsom salt and Sea salt together.
Blend and sift the cup of Oatmeal.
Add a jot of liquid dishwashing detergent and mix completely.
Add several drops of food coloring, mix thoroughly.
Add 1 teaspoon of essential oil, perfume, or cologne, mix awesomely.
Once this is spanktastically mixed pour into jar and seal.
Give to a loved one and watch them lose their minds.