Ok, you've just had the most incredible experience of your LIFE: you saw an honest-to-god police car chase. It was so exciting you crushed your milkshake container on your chest, spilling delicious shake everywhere. No time to be worried, though--you need to tell your friends about this! You bike your booty over to Mikey's house, yelling, but alas--the gate is locked. And Mouth WILL NOT let you in unless you do the Truffle Shuffle. Well, have no fear--this instructable will prepare you to bust the dance move out at Mikey's house, in the club... hell, you can take it to the streets if you want. You might lose your dignity, but you will gain +30 points in AWESOMENESS, at least in my book.

Step 1: The Shirt

Your shirt should be lifted for this. If you are a lady such as myself, and don't feel like running from the cops for indecent exposure, I recommend wearing a camisole or undershirt. Tuck it into your pants, because otherwise you might lift it as well as your outer shirt in your rush to shuffle. In my photos I just flipped my cardigan around. If you are willing to live on the semi-edge and go under-shirtless, then just keep your shirt lift about 2"-3" from your chest level, depending on torso length.

If you are a man, I urge you to fully commit--lift above nipple-height. This is a double standard and I apologize for it, but you know--society. You will ensure maximum results of +awesome if you let some nip slip. See Chunk's intro photo for inspiration.

Step 2: The Shake

This is where you get funky. Your hips need to shake left, right, front, back--but vary the order. In the photos I have over-exaggerated the hip movement for visualizing sweet moves, but when performing the truffle shuffle one should keep the movements much less exaggerated. Think moving 1"-2" in whatever direction, tops. The reason for tight, controlled moves versus wild hips is easy: speed. The truffle shuffle relies on a very quick gyration. It looks best if you have some belly fat, because in essence you want to create waves and ripples of flesh or clothing during your shuffle.

Other things to keep in mind:

Feet and shoulders should remain stationary. This is like belly-dancing--hips and stomach move, the rest of you attempts to stay somewhat still.

The quicker your shakes, the more awesome you are. There is a direct correlation backed by scientific studies. If it was on a graph with "Awesome" being on the "Y" axis and "Shake rate" on the "X" axis, your line would plot up as shakes increase.

Ok, so you've got some mad-skills with hips and belly. You are so close to your truffle-shuffling best. Proceed to next step.

Step 3: The Face

Let's be honest--no one looks good doing this dance. To commit, you need to pull some pretty gnarly faces. I like to grimace, sneer, bear my teeth like I'm growling, etc. Some "good" examples are in the photos. Good is a relative term here--I won't be pulling these when I'm speed dating or getting my driver's license taken, but when shuffling it is completely appropriate.

While making your faces, noises are imperative to finishing your truffle shuffle. I like noises like:

"Huuuughnuhnuhnuhnuhpffffft"
"warblegarblebluhbluhbluh"
"Heeeeerrrruhruhruhruhruh"

This is where you should let creativity reign--your personal truffle shuffle sound. Go crazy!

Step 4:

That's it! Remember: 1. Shake 2. Face 3. Noise.

If that doesn't get you into Mikey's house or good times at the club (or wherever kids do their dancing these days) then I don't know what will.