Instructables

How to Fart soundlessly?

It is sometimes embarrassing to Fart in public, say in a lift, in a public transport and in many other public places.
Is there any way to fart soundlessly in public. Of course you can't stop your fart as it is beyond your control.

Farting, that age old eternal question comes up yet again I see.
There are two schools of thought here, and I shall present each for your consideration.

First is the school of thought that expelling a positive pressure in your personal ducting ought to be suppressed or silenced in some way, so as to not offend all those around you who are doing the same thing! This leads to social unrest, doubts, therapy for the fears created by the situation and the associated cost of that therapy. Unless you come equipped with a gun style silencer on your personal system to reduce pressure slowly and to absorb the heat to reduce even more pressure, you are faced with the possibility to make a 'noise'. It may be a note like a small flute, a tuba blast, or a fluctuating elk call that borders on the wet. Whatever your 'instrument' plays, you will produce some sound. Now to silence it, you can try to contain it, along with the accompanying pain and muscle strain. (There is also the risk that an uncontrolled or over stressed release might have serious results if more then gas is vented!) Padding, teeth gritting bowel straining, and other actions like the 'one-cheek sneak and leak' are simply too difficult to pull off in an elevator, without some rather odd facial expressions and contortions that may well give your condition away.

This is where the second school of thought comes into play, the 'Trumpet and take the credit' as it were. Here you find most of the folks you find in the bars on a Saturday night, especially after the third beer. Here you are judged by your friends on 'Tone, Amplitude, Sustain, Ripple Frequency, and yes, Odor.'
They have accepted that gas will pass, and so bring it into the realm of acceptable behavior, thus reducing their social problems, and not having to deal with pain, pressure, strain, while enjoying the frowns, wide eyed disbelief and shock of those of the first school of thought caught in the elevator with you.

There is a sense of freedom engendered at the open 'expression', the uninhibited manifestation of your personal symphony that can be a wonderfully positive experience for an artistic soul feeling bound in by the limits of a straining society. The question is this, a tight, 'expressionless' existence among others equally tight and suppressed, or a rich, open, and free life among others of like mind. You have to decide for yourself, and remember that in a world of true freedom, self-expression is something we ought to not suppress, (along with gas), as it creates the same sorts of pressure and pain in any society.
Dipankar (author)  trike road poet2 years ago
YES, let it go with all your strength and look surprised for everyone's benefit. As it is, old people are excused for a little thing like this.
But enjoy the fireworks.
You say "excuse me" when you cough in public so why not the same when you fart.
wubie31728 days ago

It takes some practice (I'm still working on it), but seems to work 70%. Relax the...er, um, sphincter while TENSING the butt cheeks together. Like I said, it takes practice but does seem to quiet things. Good luck!

kabira1 year ago
I do not know the answer to the question but whatever the answer is, you better know it if you ever visit Afghanistan. Apparently, it is considered extremely rude to fart aloud.
Dipankar (author)  kabira1 year ago
You mean to say old Afghans don't fart? It may be extremely rude to fart aloud but it is beyond human control, like coughing, sneezing and breathing............
No D,

That's not what I am saying. This is what I heard:
http://www.kfyi.com/pages/broomhead.html?article=9015953

Dipankar (author)  kabira1 year ago
My friend don't take farting so seriously, I only put this Question so that my friends at Instructables will enjoy this episode, and have a few laughs..........
Actually D, I found the question to be quite funny. The Afghan story was simply hilarious, and ironically creating a dangerous situation for our troops there. So I am like, what are the odds that these two are so related :).
rickharris2 years ago
Excess wind is a by product of what you eat - Changing your diet can/will reduce the problem somewhat.

As for the silent bit :- I offer an untried, (personally), but engineering wise sound suggestion. - A couple of cotton wool balls between the cheeks of your bum will make sufficient space to prevent the attendant sound.

A little like in principle, having not enough pressure applied to a saxophone reed - Blow all you like but no sound!
Dipankar (author)  rickharris2 years ago
You mean it acts like a silencer?

Any SOUND is produced by Vibration that's what we read in school.
The cheeks of the buttocks vibrate when air is passed between them and produce sound, so if we can control the vibration then we can reduce sound.
A thin man produces more sound than a fat man, because the vibration is more in the thin man than the fat man.
Nope the cotton balls hold your cheeks apart and prevent the problem.
Dipankar (author)  rickharris2 years ago
Yes, I think you have hit the nail on its head, but how will the cotton ball stay in place for such a long time?
It may slip out with the force of the wind of one fart.
My last input on the subject - I don't know as I said engineeringly sound but untried - You wear underpants?

I guess if it really worries you you will just have to try it out.
rimar20002 years ago
Sadly, that skill requires many years of practice, and never it is sure...
Dipankar (author)  rimar20002 years ago
Hi pal do you mean to say that "Farting silently is an Art" which takes years of practice.
This is the first time I hear that farting silently is an Art.
May be I require some tips on it.
In Castilian (Spanish) is an old saying: "There is not so deaf as those who don't want to hear." I paraphrased as follows "There is not so deaf as those who can''t smell."

Note: it is called "deaf" to the silent fart.
Dipankar (author)  rimar20002 years ago
Yes, the silent fart has more smell.
Well the smell can come from anywhere and anyone.
caarntedd2 years ago
At least the sound gives everyone a warning. I'd worry more about the smell.
Dipankar (author)  caarntedd2 years ago
Old men Fart without any smell only SOUND.
It is the young who have the smell.
And a soundless fart Smell's the MOST, indicates stomach trouble.
That reminds me of the story about a man who was doing massive farts that did not smell. He went to the doctor to find out what was wrong, and when he demonstrated his flatulence and asked why such a large amount of gas would have no smell, the doctor sent him to a nose specialist.
FoolishSage2 years ago
You CAN stop your flatulence... This is what everybody does when they feel it coming when standing in a lift or in any social situation where it is not tolerated. If you cant perhaps you really do need to see a doctor like blkhawk suggests..
Dipankar (author)  FoolishSage2 years ago
Doctors can't help as it is a natural process.
Doctors advice "Don't stop your natural urge, release of gases is good for health.
blkhawk2 years ago
If you suffer from constant flatulence, go and see a doctor. Aren't you old enough to post stupid questions?
lemonie blkhawk2 years ago
Do you consider this to be a stupid question?

L
blkhawk lemonie2 years ago
Yes, Lemonie, I consider this post a very stupid question. Why a 65 year old man writes a question about how to fart soundlessly to a group of people with little or no medical training? Why people insist on asking matters that should be discussed with a doctor to a forum like this? I find disrespectful to all of us to ask such question. Yes, it is a stupid question.
lemonie blkhawk2 years ago
I asked because you said: Aren't you old enough to post stupid questions?
I'd say that he is old enough and that was known to you at the time, so where is the rhetorical value?

L
blkhawk lemonie2 years ago
Sorry! English is my second language. What I meant was that he is too old to post questions like the one he posted.
Dipankar (author)  blkhawk2 years ago
Hi blkhawk,
Are you offended by my Question, wait till you get old then you will be farting your way through and remembering this question.
I am a middle age man with a number of illnesses that range from high blood pressure to arthritis. I have never discussed any of my ailments here. Sorry but I know many older people with many more conditions and farting is not one of them. We do not need to know that you fart because everybody does, but is one of those things that an older gentleman like you should not discuss here. Either you change your diet or talk to your doctor and explain your problem. I could forgive a young teenager asking questions like this but not someone your age.
Dipankar (author)  blkhawk2 years ago
Hi there, this is not an ailment or a disease FARTING is a natural process like Eating, sleeping, laughing or answering the call of nature.
May be you have been irritated by this question because of your number of illnesses that range from high blood pressure to arthritis, I can understand your problems but I have asked a simple question, How to Fart soundlessly?
Most of my friends are enjoying this including my friend lemonie, but I have not yet got a satisfactory answer.
FARTING IN PUBLIC IS A VERY SERIOUS BUSINESS.
lemonie blkhawk2 years ago
"Should know better" sort of thing, right.
Still, it's provided more amusement than other questions, I can place some value on that...

L
But it is a diversion into levity, brevity, and the art of "gettin' while the gettin's good". Who doesn't need a little stress relief once in a while? Besides, there might be a nugget of truth out there somewhere...

(Do'h)

(tongue firmly planted in cheek, while pinching my nose...)
Qa
iceng2 years ago
I do not believe the cough cover,
some of you suggest as a flatulence coping strategy
is not worthy of consideration.

The act of making a loud coughing sound will tense the muscle pressure
making the situation more dire ! !

Doctors have been asking me to cough while in an faulty position for a lot of years.
artworker2 years ago
You can never say if it will be a sounding or no sound fart. It depends on the air pressure built up and the muscle pressure coping with that. It also depends upon the level of alertness of the person farting.
Least you can do is make a loud coughing sound as you fart, which will hopefully drown the noise of the fart.
Leave the smell to luck/digestive system.
Dipankar (author) 2 years ago
Those who think its a stupid question are young because they do not feel the urge to Fart, but the old and wise know that this is a very serious business.
The Doctor cannot help because with age gasses build up in your stomach and wants to get released frequently.
What a relief you get when you release wind in your home but in a public place it is a nuisance and embarrassment. The young will only realize this once they get old. That is why I have put up this Question.
monsterlego2 years ago
Don't tense your muscles that will only amplify it.
keydogstony2 years ago
Ahhh.....let it flow....let it flow...

I hear that peppermint helps with the bad smelly ones. :)
Why fart and waste it when you can burp and taste it...

:D

Qa
lemonie2 years ago
You could install a semi-permanent vent with e.g. a drinking-straw. But I wouldn't.

L
iceng2 years ago
Beano taken am,
soundless pm.

Easily held When I was younger.