I fancy this girl, but i'm quite shy and dont want to ruin our freindship. What should I do ?

We're 15, and in the same class.

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Shyness is a thing that I think everyone goes through. Don't let it get you down. I can't give you many tips on beating shyness, as it's a maturing process that some have more difficulty with than others. However, try practicing simple social settings at home in front of a mirror or attending low-key events such as church groups. Even better, join the toastmasters or a similar group dedicated to helping you come out of your shell.

Now on to your question...

If you intend on a deeper relationship with this girl, at some point you must make your move. You could wait for her move, but: Having a friend that you fancy and not exploring the relationship is a bit like buying a lottery ticket and not checking the numbers.

I'm not going to lie to you. There is a risk. If the deeper relationship you desire doesn't work out, your friendship could be lost in the breakup. I'm not saying that it will be lost. Your friendship could improve because of a failed relationship, and I'm living proof. Some of my best friends are also ex-girlfriends. So what you need to decide is, "Is she worth the risk?" and that's your first indication of how you really feel about her.

Ok, so you intend to proceed... Great!

Asking her out is a highly personal process. Both of you are unique people and therefore there is no formula that's guaranteed to work for you... however, I do have some tips.

-Have a few casual outings or a thousand. Anything fun with zero pressure. Go to the movies. Go for a walk. Giving her lots of attention now should help the both of you get a bit more comfortable with each other before you ask for a real date.

-Try to guage her feelings about you. Subtle signs are easy to miss, and sometimes easy to mistake for the opposite feelings... so keep your eyes peeled for less subtle signs. Does she try to sit very close to you on a bench or couch? Does she hold out her hand while you go for a walk? How does she talk to you?

-Give her subtle hints as well. Flatter her. Bring her a treat or make her a mix-tape (showing my age, but let's go with playlist). Hold out YOUR hand when you walk with her.

-Mentally prepare for rejection. I know this sounds counterintuitive, but put yourself in the mindset that a rejection means you now know how she feels and that you can continue being friends. You aren't losing, you're winning. You've still got a friend. You successfully asked a girl out. You took the rejection in stride, and you can be proud that you survived! Good for you! See what I mean?

-Once you feel ready, try to be as straightforward as possible! Say something like "Would you like to be my date sometime?" and back it up with a romantic gift like flowers or sweets. Do this in a comfortable setting and be prepared for a surprised reaction or a (hopefully polite) rejection.

-When you ask a friend out for the first time, I highly suggest against giving it a deadline until you've got her reaction. Don't ask her to go to dinner friday night or to take in a show next week. Just ask a generic question like in my last tip. If she agrees, then make arrangements together. The reason I say this is, she may want to discuss your relationship and friendship as she's likely as confused as you are right now. Giving her a deadline, whether real or imaginary, puts pressure on her and will not help her decision making process.

-Talk about it: Make sure you're ready to talk with her about it and be prepared to explain how you feel. Don't come on too strong during this. Tell her that you really like her, not that you're madly in love with her. She's going to be a bit confused and probably torn about the whole friendship-to-relationship thing too!

-Set ground rules: This doesn't mean you have to sit down and write a treatise and have it signed by the King of France. What I mean is, you should both agree to try and remain friends even if the relationship bombs. This gets harder to live up to the more involved you both get... but your agreement should contain a promise to be honest about how you both feel and a promise to be nice to each other during and after the breakup, no matter how much it hurts.

-Hopefully, you'll successfully get a date and everything will go swimmingly. After a few dates, and maybe a few kisses, it's safe to call her your girlfriend. After that, I can't help you much... I can only offer you the best of luck!

-Remember, she's still your friend while you date, just she's now your girlfriend! May it always be that way, even after you marry.
awsome awnser nice to see that people take effort to awnser peoples questions
Thanks. I'm happy for the compliments.
Very impressive. :)
. Great answer.
I understand that you don't want to ruin your relationship but kind of relationship can you have ,even a friendship, if you can;t even be honest about how you feel. If it make you feel better I've had a friend I've known for nine years whom I liked and he just confessed that he likes me but thought I only saw him as a friend. so you never know what she might be thinking! GOOD LUCk
orksecurity8 years ago
Well, you can just wait and see what develops... but while you're waiting she may get involved with someone more assertive. That is, in fact, the approach I generally have taken, but I had the advantage of being in a group which was spending a great deal of time together and which felt we could tease each other a bit, which gave us ways to hint without putting ourselves on the line quite so strongly. It's _usually_ safe to say something like "You know, I do like you a lot . If you'd like to spend more time together that'd be great. If not, that's cool too; I like being your friend." At your age that may be a bit riskier since she may still not even be comfortable with the idea of anything more serious. Or just invite her to join you for a movie or a bike trip or some other excuse to spend time together, and see what response you get to that not-quite-a-date suggestion. Don't read too much into any one yes or no, but a pattern may emerge. As has been said in some similar questions posted here recently, you sorta have to pick a point between direct and safe that's comfortable for you... and then read the response to see if it's comfortable for the other person. This is jazz; play it by ear and spend at least as much time listening to the other person as worrying about your own end of it. Good luck, however it works out. Friends are also wonderful things.
ThreadDiva8 years ago
Well if i was you (Girl) i would go to her and that i have feelings for her and that i hope that you like me as how i like you and i have feelings for you thats all and tell her no matter what you and her can still be friends( Say you hope you still can )!! Hope i helped thats what i told my boy as a friend and him and the girl he liked and they were friend been together for 3 years now