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how do i sweep my babiesmom off her feet after so many years of us knowing eachother?

Me and my ex fiance have been broke up for almost a year, we have a beautiful lil girl together and we were together for 4 years. she has been dating other guys but she cant seem to get over me. she just says that she is scared that i will hurt her again. how can i sweep her off her feet and sho her that im the guy for her? i dont know how to wow her anymore becauase i feel as if she knows everything about me and its hard to get her to open up because she is scared i will hurt her again?

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Re-design7 years ago
You have to show here that you are devoted to here and that baby of yours and it'll take here time to trust you again.  No more acting like you got chasin you know what on your mind.  Get a good steady job and show her you are dependable and want her.
+1

Pretend you're starting from scratch, court her as if she was a girl you just found and want to get to know better.

Even ask her out of a date - movies, popcorn, bring her a single rose - and arrange a babysitter before you ask her, so she can't say no so easily.

If you are visiting her place, use a wet finger to draw a love-heart on the bathroom mirror - it will show up next time she has a hot bath or shower.
Love-heart?  You ole romantic you!
Romantically-intentioned cardiogram, then.  :-p
Thanks for the suggestion.  It works!
You're on the romantic prowl as well?  You sly dog!
Always!  But I only prowl at home!
Tmodad (author)  Kiteman7 years ago
the love heart is a pretty good idea. im gonna try that. thanks i know that will get her thinkin about me. i cant get her to go on a date with me tho because she knows she will fall backin love if we start dating. i got to find a way to make her want me, right now she thinks she has me and she can treat me however she wants to
Sign yourself up for relationship counseling and see if she would be willing to join.  It'll show that you are interested in the relationship, that you are taking her concerns seriously, and that you are willing to put in the work and effort.  Pageantry probably won't be enough at this point, and relationship counseling might be helpful down the road should you two get back together.  Counseling will provide a space to share your concerns and feelings with each other and have an unbiased, experienced individual who can help you two come to an understanding with each other.  Relationships are all about communication and hard work.  Put in the work, learn to communicate with each other again, and you might surprise her and put her mind at ease.
 
Tmodad (author)  AngryRedhead7 years ago
she wont go for counseling, we tried it when our first son died..shes not willing to work for it, she expects me to fix it..she tells me that she loves me and i can tell that she really does mean it but she is to scared to put any effort into me, she thinks im going to hurt her again and i understand that. i just dont know what i can do to prove to her that im not the same guy i used to be. last night she broke up with her bf because he was telling her that shecouldnt be my friend anymore. i know that thisis the girl for me and she says she knows that we are going to end up together but she always says that now isnt the time, she actslike i will just wait on her forever. its very frustrating and it breaks my heart to see her with other guys. right now she is at home sick and i really want to go take care of her but im afraid i will croud her. i dont want to blow my chance.
Tmodad (author)  Tmodad7 years ago
i have been totally honest with her and told her exactly how i feel and she knows that i want her back., but im afraid that since i told her all that, that she thinks that she already has me and that im just going to sit around and wait on her to figure out what she wants. its not fair for me to have to sit around and watch her date guy after guy and for me to be the guy on the side while she is with them. how do i get her to realize that if she keeps pushin me away that i may not be here when she decides she is ready to put her family back  together
Emotional torture is never a good thing.  It's better to accept and work on it or to end the relationship entirely, but that's just my personal view on relationships that I have.
 
Tmodad (author)  AngryRedhead7 years ago
thanks, do u know any sweet things i can do to make her miss me? right now she is sick andi want to take her something but i dont wanna just take her soup. i was tryin to be sweeter then that, and i alwaysgive her flowers. im tryin to do somethin different
Probably just a care basket like an assortment of cough drops in a valentine heart box or something.  Something slightly silly that says "I care" without being super romantic.  And probably an assortment of salty soups - sorry, soup is good.  When I'm sick, I want soup and comfort and get-well medicinal things and movies.  Lying in bed with movies and food and soda and trying to feel better....  Not a whole lot more you can ask for.
 
Tmodad (author)  AngryRedhead7 years ago
waht about when she is feelin better? what is something ican doto wow her, besides the basic roses and cards. i want somethin new. something that is going to make her think about me all day long..it doent even have to be a gift just what is something i can do to be sweet to her
Unfortunately I think you'll have to build up to the "wow" by being consistently supportive, chill, and kind.  I would stay away from the big "wow" stuff for now.  I think you're in a situation where you'll have to feel it out.  You could potentially sign you both up for some sort of fun classes like pottery, photography, hip-hop dance, bird watching, etc., but check with her first like, "Hey I found this awesome class and thought you might like to take it too.  Want me to sign us both up?"  It's not a date, but it's hanging out together in a public place which is sorta like a date.  You're gonna have to stay cool for a while.  You two haven't been a couple for a year, and it's going to take time.
 
This is going to suck.  You can't save her.  You can't protect her.  You can't break down her barriers unless she's willing to let them go.  The only thing you can do is save yourself, be happy/content with your life and prospects, and be there if she needs your help and you are able to give it to her.  Look after yourself and your own sanity.  She'll have to seek help when she's willing to accept it. 

I really feel for you, man.  You'll have to come to your own conclusions about what you're willing to accept in your life and where you want to be in the future.  Since you don't seem opposed to getting help, which is awesome, seek counseling for yourself to help you come to an answer that you can live with and be happy about.  It sounds like you're dealing with tough emotions and a long history of them, and if I were you, I'd be very, very confused, heart-broken, and disjointed.  That's pretty rough stuff right there.

If the relationship is going to happen again, it will, but you don't have to wait around for a possibility that may never come and walk around on eggshells stressing about the possibility.
 
Tmodad (author)  AngryRedhead7 years ago
yea i know i cant save her, and im pretty happy with my life, shes just the one thing that is missing. i cant stand to watch her bounce from relationship to relationship trying to find happiness. i just want to be there for her while she is struggling and i want to be her supporter. i dunno its just been  our plan for all these years to start a family and now i feel like i screwed that up for her. i just wnt to have the chance to right my wrongs. and actually i am startingcounceling and i really apreciate the advice. i just cant give up on her even tho part of me thinks i should.  its hard to giveu p on your family. i promised that i wouldlove her forever and i really think kthat i will.
That's a really tough situation to be in, and hopefully you'll find some sort of resolution soon.  My only thought right now is to recommend reading into what the loss of a child does to a couple just based on what you've said.  It might help you understand what's happened and potentially make you feel less alone and confused/disjointed if it is relevant to your situation.  It sounds like you're doing what you can and that your heart is in the right place, and I can't really see anything more that you can do.  I'm glad you're going to start counseling.  That's really, really amazing.