COMMUNITY : FORUMS : LIFE


Anti-Bully Programs

Being bullied is hard, especially when it seems like it can't be stopped. Sistergldnhair and I would know. We live in a small community where everyone knows everyone, so you can' get away from bullies. Some of us here on Intrucables experience this. To all people (mostly teens an under) who suffer bullying, there is something you can do. Start a program at your school that will stop bullies, go to a guidance counseller stand up to bullies. Turn them in. One key to breaking down bullies is to make them feel bad. You can make them feel bad by bringing them to reality that is young teens and kids killing themselves because bullies get to there head. 

A message to bullies: Though you may not admit it you might be a bully yourself. If you realize that you are a bully. STOP . Bullying kills people.
 
Recently, in the small community that I call home a boy shot himself. He was only 13 and had a 8 year old brother. He was bullied severely  . So if you think about it bullies are just as bad as murderers.

Before you say one mean thing to anyone or about anyone think about how it will effect them.

sort by: active | newest | oldest
ilpug in reply to robjacksonptAug 30, 2012. 8:22 AM
You have a program, awesome.

Please note that advertising for your business in these forums is considered spam.
themoose64 (author) in reply to ilpugDec 5, 2012. 4:50 AM
Thanks, and Im not trying to advertise, Im just trying to get other people to start their own.
Goodhart in reply to ilpugAug 30, 2012. 9:20 AM
Personally, I wouldn't teach my child to "lower themselves to the level of the bully" in order to stop it. Adults need to be involved.
ilpug in reply to GoodhartAug 30, 2012. 3:21 PM
Teaching the bullied to fight back might be on morally shaky ground, but it's a more effective plan than doing nothing.
Goodhart in reply to ilpugAug 30, 2012. 3:31 PM
Hmmm, giving the bully further reason to bully.....it may be effective in the one case, but in the long run, things will only get worse.
themoose64 (author) in reply to GoodhartDec 16, 2012. 7:59 PM
Some people call it fighting back, I'm with good hart on this one. Bullying the bully does no good. On the other hand, I know from experience that adults tend to see nothing because who would bully someone in front of an adult? No one. An adult tends to not help at all. We got a new principle at my school and he pledged to do something about bullying. My friends and I think that he's an idiot. He has done nothing about bullying. One kid called my friend a very bad name involving many swerve words and dirty term and then got in a fight all during gym. The police had to escort him from the building. Our dumb principle let him back at school the next day. Sometimes adults frustrate me because a lot of them think better of themselves than kids and they just screw things up.
Goodhart in reply to themoose64Dec 17, 2012. 7:17 AM
It IS frustrating and I don't necessarily promote the solution that kind of handed itself to me, but because I was so depressed and unmotivated as a child academically, I was, as the teachers put it "held back" a year. Because of where my birthday fell, I was then (6th grade) like 2 years older then my peers. By the time high school came about, I was about the "size" of most seniors.
I was never violent and so never misused this "power", but it did keep me from being bullied anymore (from 6th to 12th grade).

A line from the Big Bang Theory tv show sums up how confused some teachers and parents are about the whole subject:
Leonard: "Yeah, my parents made me take cello lessons....because they didn't think I was geting beat up enough. . . "
ilpug says: Aug 6, 2012. 10:14 PM
The best way to stop bullying is to stop people from being easy targets for it. Bullying is all but impossible to stop, sadly.
themoose64 (author) in reply to ilpugAug 29, 2012. 12:46 PM
That makes alot of sense, Since you obviously cant make the bullies stop, just get the victims to not care. Eventualy the bullies will have have to give up when their efforts to put people down arent working. Thanks
ilpug in reply to themoose64Aug 29, 2012. 8:02 PM
My point exactamente.
crapflinger in reply to ilpugAug 7, 2012. 5:50 AM
what does that even mean? how do you stop someone from being the target of someone else's unjustifiable actions?

what you're suggesting is commonly known as victim blaming. the person being bullied is rarely, in any way, responsible for themselves being bullied. which is why it's called bullying.
ilpug in reply to crapflingerAug 7, 2012. 4:16 PM
Exactly my point. It isn't the victims fault. What I'm saying is that you can prevent the victims from being so easily victimizable. I.E. if a kid complains of being bullied or an official sees a kid getting bullied, Instead of just punishing the bully and telling the victim to run along, they also give the victim some self defense training or something immediate and effective like it, that doesn't make them more of a target. I went to a school where if a kid complained of bullying, they would give the kid a whistle to blow on the playground if they got bullied. That just made everyone pick on the kids with the whistles. It calls for direct action at the source, not just calling in comfort from the teachers. I understand that giving a kid special treatment if they are bullied might make them feel weak or uncool, but it's one hell of a life lesson that people have to learn some time: The weak get screwed over. Basic evolution.

Call me immoral, but it's what I believe from living through some pretty hellish bullying as the victim myself.
crapflinger in reply to ilpugAug 8, 2012. 5:18 AM
that's still victim blaiming. you're basically saying "if you weren't such a wimp, no one would be able to bully you in the first place", when you should be saying "why the hell does society tollerate (if not flat out encourage) bullies to begin with?"

in situations of bullying, it is not ever the fault of the person who is beeing bullied. self defense training with regards to physical bullying (punching, kicking, pushing, etc...), esepecially for school aged children, should include the "flight" portion of the "fight or flight" instinct. fighting back should always be a last resort, and should only be reserved for when you are actually in physical danger that you can't physically escape from.

it's not the bullied child's responsibility to teach the bully a lesson.
Goodhart in reply to crapflingerAug 30, 2012. 9:22 AM
"it's not the bullied child's responsibility to teach the bully a lesson."

I agree 100%
themoose64 (author) in reply to GoodhartDec 16, 2012. 8:06 PM
In a perfect world, it's not. But this is reality and there is only one person that will stand up for me and make the bully go away. That is only myself, even though I stand up for other people. When I'm the target I'm by myself.
Goodhart in reply to themoose64Dec 17, 2012. 7:20 AM
If we don't continue to make attempts at getting adults involved with the solution, they never will think there is a need to be involved.
Hack42Moem in reply to ilpugAug 7, 2012. 2:25 AM
I see no reason not to work from both ends. Surely we can do our best to make both sides more aware of how bullying works, and that it needs to stop?

I wouldn't be surprised if bullies in many case don't even realise that they are being bullies, or how serious it is.
Goodhart in reply to Hack42MoemAug 30, 2012. 9:25 AM
EXACTLY! Replying "in kind" or just doing what the bully does, only exacerbates the situation and also justifies the bully's actions. We can not teach our children to lower themselves to the bully's level.
ilpug in reply to Hack42MoemAug 7, 2012. 4:38 PM
Yeah, you can. That still won't solve the problem entirely. Here's a hypothetical:

A school has 1000 kids.

Say, 10% of kids are bullies. (100 kids) 95% of those acts of bullying are repeated offenses, where an individual bully commits multiple acts of bullying. The other 5 percent are one-time offenses, with a bully doing one act of bullying and then never again, for whatever reason.

This means that 95 of those 100 bullies are repeat offenders, the other 5 only once.

Now, say that the powers that be enact some crazy effective anti bully program that takes the school wide bully rate down to 1% of kids (10 kids) being bullies. Say this bully program is so effective that it can recognize bullying after the first case and make that bully never commit another offense.

This means that of those 10 kids, all ten only commit one act of bullying, making for ten acts of bullying over the course of whatever time period we are working in.

Even with this amazing program, you still have bullying, and when you still have bullying, albeit a very small rate, everyone is still very vocal about it and people get up in proverbial pulpits and talk about how much of a problem it is.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From kindergarten through 5th grade i went to a brutal school where I got bullied constantly, until I finally toughened up to it, There was no support from the school staff, I just had to do it all myself, without fighting, because if I fought back I would also get in trouble. Self defense was just as bad as bullying.

Then, from 6th til senior year, I attended a charter school with about 140 kids total, with virtually no bullying, lots of counseling, strict discipline, and a general "peace and Love" atmosphere.

At the first school, bullying was everywhere, and it was taken as a given, even the parents of the victims didn't care much. I'd say we had about 100 good fights a year. No body cared, we just fought and watched the other fights.

At the second school, there was maybe 3 fights a year. The reaction to those fights was amazing. (these weren't even good fights either, just really roughhousing, barely any real punches landed). After one fight, the cops were called, three teachers were crying, the principle called a school wide meeting, everyone got yelled at, and if you did anything remotely wrong for the week or so afterward, you got in trouble. The fighting kids were suspended or expelled.

This amazing trend of about 3 fights a year went on the whole time I was there. This low amount of fights would widely be considered a great job of bullying prevention.

Nope. The general reaction to the almost non-existant bullying and fighting at this school has been one of outrage. TV cameras were installed all over the school. All phones, laptops, Ipods, or anything else you could communicate on was banned to prevent imagined cyberbullying. Kids were expelled for looking shifty. The principle retired in disgust. It's still going on after I graduated.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting there watching in wonder.

It all goes with the territory. Blanket programs simply do not work. Until they get a representative from some Anti-Bullying Department or something permanently working in every school, and one who is involved with, and respected by, the kids, it;s going to go on just how it is.
Hack42Moem in reply to ilpugAug 8, 2012. 5:36 AM
Of course it would not end all bullying forever. There is no magical solution.
Still, I believe that anything that helps reducing the problem is worth the trouble.
lemonie says: May 24, 2012. 3:01 PM
"where everyone knows everyone" - so why hasn't everyone & their parents sorted this out already?

Bullies are isolated and lack good social relationships. They feel bad anyway, so pumping that up isn't a good approach. (their head, by the way).
And do ask yourself whether anyone cares if some stupid-person kills themselves, if they generally lack right connections with other people to understand the argument?

Have you ever heard the saying "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer?" - think about that.

L
themoose64 (author) in reply to lemonieMay 25, 2012. 5:10 PM
The reason that none of the parents sort things out is because the parent are the ones who teach there kids how to bully and dont care. And I didnt like the part where you said " some stupid person" Because he is NOT just a stupid person.
blkhawk says: May 25, 2012. 2:19 AM
I wonder if your school has implemented a program after this incident. A very successful program was created by Dr. Dan Olweus, and it has been a part of many schools in many countries.
Goodhart says: May 24, 2012. 4:26 PM
When one is different in any way, one learns about bullying very early in life. Whether the "difference" is physical, or mental (autisitic, etc). The worst part of the whole thing is, the bullies need to be shown, some way, some how, that the results of their actions are not "positive"; that is, whether it brings one form of punishment or another, somehow, those that are SUPPOSED to be adults, should start acting the part and intervene. Any form of retribution that results in the bully getting worse needs to be addressed in much the same manner, x10. The simplest of creatures soon gets the hint.
CatTrampoline says: May 21, 2012. 11:16 AM

Moose, you are clearly a kind-hearted, caring soul. My thoughts go to the family of the young man whose life ended too soon and all of those touched indirectly by this loss.

The phenomenon of bullying is a complex one. Sometimes it is just a matter of immaturity or misunderstanding and can be resolved with words and reminders to be empathetic.

More often, the bullies are using behaviors that have been modeled at home so acting mean seems ‘normal’ to them. If they never learn any different, they carry these patterns into adulthood and the workplace. If someone has poor role models at home, they need to look for good role models outside the home.

** Having some friends helps kids be less of a target for bullies. Being in some sort of extracurricular club gives even the nerdiest kid some friends and helps them build crucial social skills.

Fighting back (if possible – and it is NOT always possible) will make the bully go find an easier victim, but it doesn’t make him/her stop completely.

** The best way to stop bullying and harassment is for peers and adults to step in and say, “Stop. This is not acceptable behavior.” A lot of kids are just seeing how much they can get away with before someone tells them to stop so it escalates out of control.

Sadly, a lot of students AND adults just watch the show. This really sends the wrong message. The elementary and middle schools I went to were terrible for this – the playground teachers would just stand and watch a kid get pounced on and beat up or followed and verbally harassed. I had a lot of great teachers, but a couple of them even engaged in bullying themselves in order to make themselves popular with the other 95% of their students.

** Just saying something like “break it up!”, “Three against one is not fair – knock it off”, or “leave him/her alone – go find something constructive to do” helps stop the torment and makes the victims feel less isolated even if there are no further consequences for the bullies.

In the 1970’s some misguided administrators decided to give the truly sociopathic bullies at our school some responsibility in order to boost their self-esteem. Unfortunately they gave them positions of power, with predictable results. Letting a bully hand out detentions to other students resulted in everyone but the bully gang being on detention. Allowing them raise the flag in the morning would have been a better choice.

themoose64 (author) in reply to CatTrampolineMay 24, 2012. 2:21 PM
This is truly helpful advice, Thanks!
Pro

Get More Out of Instructables

Already have an Account?

close

PDF Downloads
As a Pro member, you will gain access to download any Instructable in the PDF format. You also have the ability to customize your PDF download.

Upgrade to Pro today!