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Balancing Relationships

Right so my bestfriend is jealous of what my boyfriend and I have, or what I have with him... She told me yesterday that I am a completely different person when I'm around him and that it makes him not right for me... With her I try to have actual conversations but it just turns in to he's saying how cute Kyle Busch looks, or Carl Edwards without a shirt, or her talking about finding her teachers attractive, I always know what Mr, D is wearing, McGee from NCIS (I personally find DiNozzo more attractive). With him though I don't have to worry about hearing how good Mr.Alex looked in his new black shirt and out of style glasses... He and I have talked politics, hunting, and movies that she refuses to watch because she thinks they'll be boring, like, "Shooter" with Mark Whalberg... Is it that my personality is different or just that with my boyfriend I am able to explore my mind more and talk about things other than attractive men and Kevin Harvick in tight pants... I'm obviously not good at having a best friend and a boyfriend, I need some serious help on this subject...

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Happy2917 (author) 8 years ago
She's told me that she's jealous of his and my relationship... I think he should be jealous of mine and hers if anything... I don't think it's that she's jealous of our relationship but jealous that instead of me hanging out with her all the time when he has free time I want to go hang out with him.. Hell, I live with her and her parents and little sister, so I'm around her all the time... I don't think she should get mad at me for wanting to spend time with him... It's not that she yells and complains. but she gets quiet, distant and she glares... which I think is worse because I would rather go to the park where no one is eavesdropping and let her yell at me so that at least I can understand how she feels...
I do think she has something to get over though, whatever it is that is causing her reaction. :-) Oh, and BTW, just an FYI, if you reply to someone and want them to get notice of it in their comments list, click on the REPLY button just below that comment, and that way they know you are replying to them. It helps keep longer conversations tidy. Thanks.
Happy2917 (author)  Goodhart8 years ago
Right.. I noticed the reply button after I made my last comment... thanks... Yeah, thought I feel bad telling her that I think she should find someone else to hang out with while he and I are off together.. Of course I would say it a lot nicer than that... but I just feel like a bad friend when I decide to hang out with him instead of her...
. but I just feel like a bad friend when I decide to hang out with him instead of her...

You needn't feel that way (unless you have totally neglected her ALL the time, and from what I already know about you, I doubt you do that). Don't let her make you feel guilty either, she is not the only person in the world that can be your friend :-)
Happy2917 (author)  Goodhart8 years ago
When I'm with him I kinda feel like I've lost my best friend... And with what we've been through in the past 9 years she is the only one who I would like as a friend... I don't want to lose either of them because of them... I think that's my biggest issue.. I'm afraid of losing both of them...
Well, from your description, it doesn't sound like you are offending him in any way, so I don't think that is a worry. I understand about losing an old friend, it is hard, especially if they go for reasons that you may feel are your fault.
You still have to come to grips with: it isn't wrong to have a male friend, also, in addition to your old friend. And, of course, for this to work out perfectly, and in a perfect world, she would realize this too. But that may not occur. You may have to someday decide who is driving YOUR bus", you or her. Your happiness is at stake.
Happy2917 (author)  Goodhart8 years ago
Thank you this is wonderful advice, really... I've tried talking with her about it but she's being stubborn... I'll keep trying... and as for driving busses, I've learned from personal experience that it is fun, so I think I would like to be in charge of the navigation as well as the petals...
and as for driving busses, I've learned from personal experience that it is fun, so I think I would like to be in charge of the navigation as well as the petals...

Good for you :-)

The phrase, "who's driving your bus" btw, I borrowed from Dr. Wayne Dryer, a motivational speaker of a few years ago :-)
Happy2917 (author)  Goodhart8 years ago
Oh.. well.. maybe I should go check out some motivational speeches..
I really like Dr. Denis Waitley if you can find anything by him still :-)
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