Dimension Engineering needs an intern or fulltime thingermajiggerbuilder
Lets pretend that you, intrepid reader-of-postings, have won the lottery. What are you going to blow it on? Beer? Collections of earwaxes from around the world? Bottle-feeding orphan baby whales?
Heck no. You're gonna buy you some welders and a CNC machine and a whole slew of electronic bits and bobs. You'll have laser cutters and plasma cutters and nail cutters and cutters to put a cutting edge on your other cutters. You're gonna have goddamn robots that make MORE robots. A drill? _singular_??? I'll take nine, thank you very much!
If not, then this isn't really a job posting for you.
Still here? Here's the deal. We're desperately dull people. Wretched, really. All we want in life is to make electronic components. No no, not flying electric cars. Just the parts, thank you very much.
Our CUSTOMERS, on the other hand, won't stop taking our parts and doing progressively sillier things with them. They couldn't be content to make a house. They want a WALKING house. "Hello, yes, I have this robot cow that we use to train for rodeo. Its been on the shelf for ten years since the robo-goring..." they say. My poor children get launched into orbit, sunk to the bottom of the ocean, dragged across antarctica. They've powered chairs, couches, bomb disposal robots and bomberman replicas. I shudder to think what ill-advised schemes we'll be helping to perpetrate when my top secret new (and entirely wholesome) projects are done. It fills me with apoplexy just to consider it.
Obviously uninteresting people like we lot can't test products for interesting circumstances. What we need is someone who would salivate at the directive of "Find some new way to use these shelves full of robot parts. Make it dramatic. Make it a great writeup. The machine shop is to the left. CNCs on the right. Welding is down the hall, electronics is in the middle. Woodworking shop is at the end of the building. Climbing wall is by the bathroom if you get bored. Here's some budget. Do crazier mechatronic things than our customers do. Report back immediately if you accidentally make a roller coaster or a doomsday device."
We certainly do not already have bumper cars, go kart tanks, flame throwers, radio control office chairs, orbotrons and/or backyard roller coasters here. Because those might be interesting. Which we are not.
Anyway, that is a real job posting. For a real job. For which you could be paid. An intern would be okay, a full time creator-of-things would be even better. You could submit a resume, but afor real consideration I'd need to see a portfolio of projects. We don't really have every tool ever made, but that's just because I took some of them home for the weekend and haven't brought them back. Honestly. We're an electronics manufacturer with a mortising machine. Um, because mortises are good, solid, red blooded American woodworking joints. Very boring. Yup.
Downsides? We're in beautiful Ohio, home of the low cost of living and, um, did I mention the cost of living is low?
Anyway, company website is www.dimensionengineering.com It is a very boring website. Because, you know, very boring people. jobs@ to send portfolios, resumes, or well wishes.