Dude, Tell Me Some Jokes

Post some of your favorite jokes, or I'll send hasslehoff after you

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Flumpkins8 years ago
If a quiz makes you quizzical, what does a test make you?
TheCheese9921 (author)  Flumpkins8 years ago
There was a man drowning in the ocean. A boat came by and asked if he needed some help. The man replied, "No thanks, God will save me." Another boat came by and asked if he needed some help. The man replied, "No thanks, God will save me." And then the man died. When he got to heaven, the man asked God why he didn't come and save him. So God said, "I sent you two big boats, you dummy!"
LasVegas10 years ago
Two peanuts walk into a bar... One was assaulted (a salted). A horse walks into a bar... Bartender says, "Why the long face?" A woman walks into a bar with a duck on her head. Bartender says, "What's with the pig?" The woman says, "It's not a pig! It's a duck!" Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck!" Man walks into a bar... Says, "OUCH!" A priest, a rabbi and a horse walk into a bar... Bartender says, "Is this some kinda joke?"
lol those are good
NachoMahma10 years ago
. Q: Why is Louisiana shaped like a boot? . A: A tennis shoe won't hold that much crap. . . Q: Why doesn't Louisiana slide into the Gulf? . A: Arkansas sucks.
frank2608011510 years ago
So this guy is in a hotel, he goes to the penthouse where there is a bar When he walks in to the bar, a man sitting by a window suddenly breaks the window and jumps out. The guy said "holy shit!" but the bartender said "relax, he'll be back" In a few seconds, the elevator door opens, and the man walked back to his seat for a few seconds and jumps out again, and a few more seconds later, he comes out of the elevator again. So the guy asks him "how do you do that?", the man told him "on the ground, there is a big heat exhaust vent, all you need to do is catch the updraft." So the guy jumps out the window to try it And the bartender said, "superman, you're such an asshole"
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