How do I explain to my Significant other, why I should go to Maker Faire in Queens again this year?

I mean, when I mentioned it recently, she reacted: 
again?
Why do you need to go, again?



Picture of How do I explain to my Significant other, why I should go to Maker Faire in Queens again this year?
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jeff-o6 years ago
From reading through the comments, it seems to me that it isn't really an issue of money, or any other legitimate reason for that matter. It sounds like your wife has some issues that have nothing to do with the Maker Faire specifically. At this point you've got two options; to go or not to go (despite her opinion)

If you go, you'll probably have a great time, be free, and do and see what you like. The twinge of guilt will fade as the day gets awesomer. A feeling of dread will grow as you drive home that night. She'll sit at home and stew all day, having conversations in her mind where she rips you to shreds for leaving her behind, and perhaps call her friends to vent. Expect retribution of some sort.

If you don't go, she'll get her way and will be pleased with herself for a little while. You will resent her a bit for forcing you to stay home, and resent yourself for letting yourself get bullied (since, again, there is no legitimate reason why you shouldn't go).

Maybe one solution would be to call up some of her friends or family, and convince them to take her someplace she'd like so that you can visit the Faire. The key here is that the "alternative activity" is now out of her hands to plan and manage, which may increase the chance of success.
Goodhart (author)  jeff-o6 years ago
You are correct in stating that it has nothing to do with "the Faire" itself, she had the same objections when I was going to go (but had to cancel) my trip to the HOPE conference.

Those issues specifically come out this way: 

#1: I'll be alone (although she DOES have friends, and if I take the train this year, she'll also have the car)

#2: what if something happens to her while I am gone (she's had 3 incidences in the past 20+ years of our being together, in everyone of them, I was at work, and she was able to call someone for assistance)

#3: I am doing this on purpose to "get away from her" since I know she doesn't want to come with me. Um, I can't honestly raise an objection to that one, since her not wanting to come, if I forced her (not sure HOW I could do that though), would only make the trip horribly miserable for both of us....

I will have to do what I did last year,  squirrel away a bit of money for myself,  pay for the tickets on line ahead of time,   when I can get them, but this time I need to plan on getting the train up that morning, and back the next day (not to mention finding a place to stay overnight).   I hate to be so "covert" in my dealing with this, but this is the only way she is able to deal with it, without long periods of whining about it.
jeff-o Goodhart6 years ago
Would it help at all to go out by yourself on a somewhat more frequent basis? It doesn't have to be for long or cost very much; perhaps a hike in the woods or trip to a park to read a book all afternoon. Just something to get her used to you being away once in a while, where she can't easily contact you, and must fend for herself.

You can tell her exactly where you're going and welcome her to come with you, but always go whether she wants to or not.

And of course, always make sure that you give her equivalent chucks of time to do the same thing herself, so that she can't say that you're being selfish.
Goodhart (author)  jeff-o6 years ago
I don't want to sound like I am making excuses, but it is harder for me for a lot of reasons.
#1: although she said I could "go out with the boys" now and then for my own sanity, I don't have a lot of "local" friends (not of my age group anyway)
#2: I work weird hours, so the first half of my Sat is slept in on, the last portion of Sun is needed for sleep
#3: being the type with a "not so much go out and get'r done" attitude when it comes to talking with people (ask Canida, she witnessed my backwardness at the Faire in Queens last year) - oh people I know I can talk to....sometimes, but I don't always come across like I want to.

Problem 2: she hates to drive, so nearly everywhere she goes, I am chauffeur ...
bertus52x116 years ago
Tell her "it's stronger than me".
She'll understand (hopefully).
Goodhart (author)  bertus52x116 years ago


Because it's different every time.

Told her this, she doesn't believe me.

Because Making is always new.

Same as above

Because I want to meet my friends in the flesh.

Her response: so when do I get to meet with friends?  (she doesn't want to get out, so her answer doesn't really mean much).

Because there is a very small chance that I will be stomped on by a home-made dragon, and you get to collect on the insurance.

That is probably the only thing that might work (although initially, she'd react with a "oh don't be...silly".) 

If I can connect it to making more income, I may have a MUCH better chance however. . .
tell her that the ibles admins told you they'd give you a 50% raise if you went.*

*i admin a tech support forum that's free and staffed by vollunteers, you'd be surprised at how much you can get done when you promise a 50% raise to people who make nothing to begin with.
Goodhart (author)  crapflinger6 years ago
Hmmm, :-)
So tell her you'll be distributing copies of your resumé...
Goodhart (author)  Kiteman6 years ago
Hmmmm, except she doesn't want me to move/work in NYC.....although that would be an idea if I can find locals up there from here......in my one horse town.
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