I am SO tired....

I am just SO tired of not being able to be who I am. 
If I am kind to children, I become a molester,
if I let my feelings go with free reign, am outlandish
if I don't let my feelings out, I am unfeeling,
if I speak the truth, I am a heratic
if I hold on to fantasy, I am bonkers.

If I talk about who I am, what I am, people don't want to hear it, and eventually deny it altogether;
so I can NEVER be who I am around most people.
.. (obviously "around" means in person).

I can't win.

Can ANYONE on line truly know me, in any real capacity ?   Can anyone have experienced the tremendous struggles I have
with sensory overload?  Can any of you REALLY know how much I struggle day in and day out to not become cynical like the
tv character HOUSE ? 
I mean,  really ? 

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Tim Temple4 years ago
Christmas is a bummer. It is a celebration of happy extended family. Get a motel room and watch I Love Lucy reruns.

Here's how I cope with Normals.
I have Aspergers business cards that I hand out, to remind people that I am "handicapped." That magic word will back off all but the most belligerent drunk. Here's what I have on those cards:

Get Temple Grandin's book, Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships. It shows you the biggest land mines we ignorantly step on. I know, once she wrote the book, the title was obsolete. Rule 4 is "Honesty is Different than diplomacy." That rule grates on my nerves, but that's the way the world works.

Find people like yourself. As a mathematical/musical Aspergers, go look up esoteric special interest groups. It is "old home week." I'm a member of a Linux User's group -- they're just like myself.

My main specialty is Christian intercession. The folks in the church put up with my eccentricities because I know a lot of stuff they absolutely don't know about the Christianity they espouse.

Learn body language. "The Power of Body Language" was written by Tony Reiman who writes like an Aspergers. The acting field is full of Aspergers who found out how to act normal and did it up brown. They can act -- but they can't do small talk.
Goodhart (author)  Tim Temple4 years ago
It isn't the "season" that is the problem....it is the willful ignorance that bothers me. I don't know everything, but once I learn something, I don't, on purpose "forget to think" and unlearn it. It's insane....even at the age of 53, I have a hard time JUST SHUTTING UP. *sigh*
That's because people have confused your silence as counseling. They just dump their garbage on you. But any counselor needs one hour of unloading for every eight hours of listening to others.

When we talk to others, we transmit information instead of body language. They don't want to hear that. We are considered boring, strange, stupid, etc. But eventually we just HAVE to talk, despite their disinterest.

That's why I recommended finding a techie group in your field of interest. They will gladly talk to you about your mutual field of interest -- and about what's happening in your life. But expect that they have been burned by normals just like you have.
Goodhart (author)  Tim Temple4 years ago
Yes, but in the middle of Amish Country so they are few and in between...
Goodhart (author) 4 years ago
Some will go SO far to justify their belief system so as to actually refuse help to those in need; they literally hobble those that could spared much uneeded pain and suffering. This makes me very sad.
Goodhart (author)  Goodhart4 years ago
Again, I see this with persons I know "in person" not so much on line and definitely not in Instructables.
lemonie4 years ago
Be outlandish
Be feeling
Be a heratic
Be bonkers
Be happy

-sort it out man.


*38 today!
Goodhart (author)  lemonie4 years ago
Happy B-day (if that is what your last line meant) :-)

If I "allow myself to be myself" I am afraid I will lose the only friends I have (in the locality where I live).  It is a real fear because of things I've heard
Thanks man.
Listen; a friend is someone who you trust to be right with you (and by derivation never do wrong by you or let you down)*. The friends you refer to either are or are not, irrespective.
Think about this; if people don't really know who you are (because you're hiding stuff) how can they really be your friends?


*You know how to do this, I think that you're everyone's friend and that's a good thing.
Goodhart (author)  lemonie4 years ago
It isn't that I am hiding stuff, so much as I should not be "correcting others" constantly....If I think of it that way, maybe I can avoid problems :-)
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