COMMUNITY : FORUMS : LIFE

I used to have the book of fail. I lost it.

at least he didn't say he "failed to be able to open it anymore" :-)

affirmative :-)  It has to do with  a "co-morbid" condition that let's me slip into codependency often, and so I need to repeat, mantra like, affirmations to remind myself I don't HAVE to save the world (nor my wife, nor my friends, etc). 

IF I don't take care of myself first, I will have nothing left to help others with

Save the Goodhart, save the world.

No, but I can do my part if I survive anyways.....I have treated you all kind of poorly in here, because of my codependency traits on occassion, and so I am working on myself so I don't do that (so often) anymore.

Ah if only it were so "automatic" :-)

Let the record reflect that this is not true. :p

I've noticed that whenever he thinks he's done something wrong, it's so minute and so simple that it's easily looked over and forgotten.

These are the types of mistakes even the kindest of people make.

No, and I can't give actual examples for fear of really opening up a can of worms. Let the record then state that my codependency with my wife and friends is on the mend. If you need to know more, google is your friend :-) and my living with someone with OCD makes my problem worse, but maybe things will change when I do.

Okay then, I'm totally wrong. You're a terrible person?

No, not terrible, not worse then most people, but to "heal" I do have to acknowledge the "craziness" that has entered my life (made ME crazy, up, down, mildly depressed constantly, unable to continue somewhat dysfunctional relationship in it's present state at home, etc. And it has spilled over into here (as I mentioned, more so in Facebook then here, but still....). OWNING the problem is the first step towards my healing then. The next step is to stop "reacting" (again, you don't see this as much in here as I have done it at home and in facebook). ay my age, this all seems to be so long a road, with not to much time left to accomplish what I need to do; but it is the only way to reintroduce some sanity back into my life.

A clue:  to so many, codependency can seem like a good thing for someone to have,  the person is always there to help,  can NEVER say no to anything, and helps in everything......but it can drive a person NUTS to think they can save the world or that they have to "enlighten" everyone......I need less craziness in my life.   But then, that doesn't mean I will care, less.   It means I will care more; helping when I am not "hell bent" on doing so; feeling a need, but only because I really have been asked to help (and if I can actually help).  

This may seem all a bit heady, confusing, and such, but a quick look into codependents that live with either an alcoholic or someone with a personality disorder (my wife is a hoarder), will give you enough understanding into my plight,

Being "codependent" means it is very difficult for me to say no :-)

Let the record reflect that this is not true. :p

Yes. Seriously.

It hasn't been obvious, but it has been.....but it is also changing...

Not to downplay your existing condition(s), but re: have treated you all kind of poorly isn't perceptible.  From where I sit, anyway.

I am, admittedly, not plugged into the site as 2-3 years ago. But on this one, I think others would back me up...

see my answer to Flintlock...

Explanation isn't necessary (unless it's helpful for you).

Just saying that we don't feel misused by you--in any way. Mike, best of luck.

It is helpful to me :-)

Understood... ;-)

In other words, I had to state it for the same reasons I was compelled to "think" that way; in order to get it straight in my head that, even while doing this, I am practicing the "problem" and have to "let it go". It is a form of "control" to try to make sure everyone "knows where I am at all the time", and so this helped me acknowledge that I still have the problem but also that I am working on it. :-)

+1

Very well put.

I know, there have been a few that picked up on it however; and now that I recognize it, and admit to it, I can start to work on it.

+lots

in passive aggressive ploys, extreme subtley can make it nearly invisible....but I really AM working on it.

nor can I find any evidence of this on Ible-Quest or any other kangaroo-court archives.

The evidence, sadly, resides within me, and is sometimes as hard to view as the Higgs/Boson particle, but it is there, and it affects my life a great deal....and it has to change.

Lithium, not often maybe, and of course if I named the times, you probably wouldn't have considered "what" I was doing subconciuosly at the time, but it was as a result of my codendency (which I, btw, learned here at home) and spills over into life in general.
I consider you all my very dearest friends, mostly because I am isolated (for the time being) from face to face contact, but I am learning to set boundaries and soon things will change, hopefuly for the better; but if they get worse first, it won't be catching me completely by surprise....again, thank you for all you have done...you will NEVER know just how much you mean to me as friends....

Not in my pocket, but generally within reach.

I have a pocket guide to table conversion, etc.....I have yet to open it for a reference as I keep it near the computer and it is slower then using Google LOL

I love Fn beaches!