9 Unusual Uses for Toothpaste

 by wilgubeast
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chapter_toothpaste.jpg
Toothpaste. It keeps your teeth from rotting and falling out of your face. It makes you eligible for kisses you otherwise wouldn't qualify for. And it ensures that you drink your morning orange juice BEFORE brushing.

But it's got other uses. It can save you money, make you seem like a better roommate than you are, or rescue your TLC and Alanis Morissette CDs. Read on for some unusual uses of toothpaste. And if you've got a use for toothpaste that I didn't mention here, post it in the comments.
 
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Step 1: Spackle those drywall holes

toothpastewall.jpg
It was 10:45, and my landlord was supposed to come around at 11:00 to do a final walkthrough of the apartment to determine if I would get back my sizeable security deposit. My place was so clean that the radiator and vertical slat blinds seemed oddly prominent, but there was still something off. I hadn't partied with Motley Crüe, I wasn't hoarding cats, and the burglars left surprisingly little damage once the broken window was cleaned up.

10:46. I'm wishing I had studied "Highlights for Children" more diligently while I waited to see my dentist. What's wrong with this picture?

Ohhhhhhh... there are a series of holes in the walls ranging in size from very tiny to small. Stupid picture frames, calendar nail, and curtain rods. Why didn't I realize that I would have to move out eventually and fill all of these holes? It's already 10:48?!

What to do what to do what to do... spackle. I need something spackly. Something white and pastey and... That's it! Toothpaste to the rescue. A quick dab here, a gentle smoosh there, and voilá! Handled.

11:15. Full deposit returned in exchange for my minty-fresh apartment. Cashier's check, you and I are going to the bank before the toothpaste dries.
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boom man56 says: Feb 19, 2013. 7:49 PM
I know what a record is we have one
snoopindaweb says: Nov 9, 2012. 5:21 PM
Colgate.?
wolf996 says: Oct 30, 2012. 7:07 PM
What About Floppy Disks And VHS Tapes?
aldebaraan says: Dec 11, 2011. 2:46 PM
But I don't have any Polish jewelry...is that the only kind that requires toothpaste?
wilgubeast (author) in reply to aldebaraanDec 12, 2011. 10:59 AM
Internet smirk. Capital letters have never been so much fun.
wolf996 in reply to wilgubeastOct 30, 2012. 7:06 PM
Ha You're Ever Looking At Him
pachelki in reply to aldebaraanDec 11, 2011. 10:38 PM
Err... It is just talking about being able to polish jewelery you don't have to worry about getting jewelery that is Polish ;)
aldebaraan in reply to pachelkiDec 12, 2011. 7:17 AM
But it made you smile, didn't it? :)
pachelki in reply to aldebaraanDec 13, 2011. 8:50 PM
Ha ha yeah :)
Takelababy says: Sep 28, 2012. 7:03 PM
When I was in to scuba we used saliva to keep the mask from fogging up. Spit on the lens, smear it around, quick dunk in the water and wear.
luvchocolate4 says: May 8, 2012. 6:39 PM
Sorry, but... the zit thing is just another beauty myth, it really just irritates the blemish further. The best spot treatment is to leave it alone.
Mauigerbil in reply to luvchocolate4Aug 24, 2012. 10:21 PM
Sorry Ms. Smarty pants but this works like a charming Big Macintosh. I tried leaving a zit alone and it didn't go away. It got bigger. I put toothpaste on it overnight and it went away like Discord. Not a brony? IT WORKED WELL. Don't diss somebody that tried it themselves. The best motto for Instructables and My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. Screw YOLO.
wilgubeast (author) in reply to luvchocolate4May 9, 2012. 11:18 AM
Scroll down to the "Zits" paragraph. http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=52086

Audrey Kunin, MD, seems to know her business.
Instructtheables says: Feb 3, 2012. 8:03 PM
Twenty or thirty years ago, Darkie (now Darlie?) toothpaste is very effective for cooling / first aid for burns. 3 years old got burns from hot exhaust pipe of a motorcycle but managed to contain skin damage before bringing to clinic. I dont know if it still works now.
Zak says: Dec 28, 2011. 8:39 AM
The problem is that the fluoride in toothpaste will etch the glazed surface.

So make sure to wipe the toothpaste off well. Same applies to mouthwash...
GummiBear says: Dec 14, 2011. 12:48 PM
Ok, i used this trick a few days ago and my converse got some serious swagga now! thx, dude!
skyjellyfetti says: Dec 12, 2011. 4:31 AM
Believe It or Not! If you burn your skin, liberally apply colgate toothpaste to the affected area and it will NOT blister.
the47man says: Dec 11, 2011. 10:51 PM
toothpaste can also be used as antiseptic ointment on small burns on skin. the thing about small burns is that no matter how small they are, they STILL hurt like hell, so toothpaste relieves that pain quickly too.
jcryer1 says: Dec 11, 2011. 11:48 AM
Spray Scrubbing Bubbles paper towel or wash cloth and apply in small circles, will shine and remove the scuffs.
paulbeard says: Dec 11, 2011. 9:59 AM
apropos of people having reactions to toothpaste, check the ingredients on the stuff you use. In my house, two of us seemed cursed to suffer canker sores but then I somehow learned that one of the ingredients on most toothpastes was actually the culprit.

Sodium lauryl sulfate is the villain: it's a foaming agent that, as best I can tell, gives you the impression you're doing an awesome job even if you're not. Maybe it helps get the Good Stuff into more places but I could do without the searing mouth pain. So if you have skin reaction, check the ingredients.

And as a fix, lysine, a commonly available supplement, is very good at clearing them up.
rutuj says: Oct 17, 2011. 10:17 PM
yup yup..!
gold and silver especially..:)
angieball says: Sep 25, 2011. 4:47 PM
Bread soda and water works brilliantly and is a lot cheaper than using toothpaste :)
Pravus says: Apr 3, 2011. 3:46 PM
Another great way to prevent goggles from fogging (which I use on paintball goggles and would only assume would work for diving goggles as well) is to take paraffin wax or an old birthday candle and draw an X on the inside, then take a cloth and rub it into the goggles in little circles to coat the entire inside with a fine layer of wax.. it doesn't last forever and wears off quicker in high heat but it works amazingly, I've done it with paintball goggles (which would be the same as ski goggles) my glasses (because those fog bad under goggles as well) bathroom mirrors (for kicks to test it).. First time I tried it I held my glasses over a pot of boiling water and they didn't fog up or collect any vapors at all.
edisonofthefuture in reply to PravusSep 19, 2011. 1:42 PM
thats pretty smart i was just thinking about this knda stuff but with turtle wax super hard shell 12 month lasting. RE: "pravus" username is that from the chronicle of vladimir todd?
raja681 in reply to PravusMay 30, 2011. 4:08 PM
i make the x then bring a hammer down in the middle
seems to work well no more fogging
nisoe says: Oct 9, 2011. 11:59 AM
also you can just spit in them if you brushed your teeth at morning (diver trick!)
IN WORKS!!
MakMelon says: Jun 25, 2011. 5:46 AM
Some toothpastes might be able to shrink mosquito bites. I am not sure though, and I am not responsable for any injuries or loss of dignity you may experience while trying this.
mrjonesmmcsd says: Jun 17, 2011. 11:23 AM
One more fantastic use for the stuff...when dealing with any malodorous stench i.e. a ruptured abcess in the back of an ambulance, put a tiny dab under each nostril before going back out to clean the rig. It works almost as well as vick's vaporub and most hospitals have it right on hand. This has also saved me from dog vomit, disastrous diapers and some road kill that we needn't talk about here.
katrina.maile says: May 22, 2011. 11:56 PM
I love your writing skills, sir! Not only are you lyrical and well-read, but your unapologetic humor brings me to tears (in a good way).

I cannot believe you brush your teeth and pee at the same time; You're ridiculous, but awesome.
mpeguero says: Apr 20, 2011. 10:28 AM
you can use it as thermal paste and save money.
wolfkeeper says: Apr 9, 2011. 5:05 PM
This is bad advice. One of the causes of acne is halogen-group chemicals.

Like chlorine chemicals... or fluorine.

Fortunately, toothpaste doesn't have any fluoride in it.

Oh wait. Yes it does.

It does often have other antibacterials in it, and they can offset the fluoride, but on balance I cannot recommend toothpaste.

(Actually toothpaste reliably breaks be out.)
ExoticExile in reply to wolfkeeperApr 11, 2011. 2:42 PM
I'm sorry but google isn't right about everything for everyone. I've been using tooth paste for years and my family for decades and none of us have ever had any issues with it.

On the other hand every acme product I've used has cause me to have more acme and break out even more, trust me tooth paste is your safest cheapest bet.

:D
supertoria12 in reply to ExoticExileApr 14, 2011. 12:40 PM
acme product? :D I understand that you mean "acne," but I still got the picture of Looney Tunes Cartoons when I read your comment.
wolfkeeper in reply to ExoticExileApr 11, 2011. 4:55 PM
Oh sure, it's cheap.

But it's not *safe*, it doesn't have any clinical trials behind it, and fluoride is actually known to cause breakouts.

For me, this isn't even a theoretical risk, it really does cause big problems.
shannonlove in reply to wolfkeeperApr 10, 2011. 2:17 PM
That's just silly.

You must be referring to chloracne which is a sign of acute poisoning by halogenated aromatic compounds. It is fantastically rate with literally just a few hundred cases over the last century. It requires that the compounds be ingested.

In any case, toothpaste has none of those compounds and the sodium fluoride (NaFl) used in most toothpaste is just the fluorine version of common table salt (NaCl). It's harmless unless ingested in large amounts in a very short time (just like table salt.) There are parts of the world were well water contains hundreds of times as numb sodium fluoride as you get brushing your teeth.

You can't say, "OMG certain halogenated aromatic compounds cause a rare form of acne so everything in the world with halogens in them must cause acne!" Chemistry, especially biochemistry doesn't work that way.

wolfkeeper in reply to shannonloveApr 10, 2011. 3:38 PM
Yup, it's 'chloracne' due to the fluoride.

Google: "perioral dermatitis"
shannonlove in reply to wolfkeeperApr 13, 2011. 11:54 AM
Perioral dematitis is just latin for "inflamed skin around the mouth." Like a fever, It's a symptom and not a disease in and of itself. It has many causes from infection to autoimmune disease to excessive lip licking.

I suppose you could get periorial dematitis from developing an allergy to toothpaste or from smearing ungodly amounts of it on your face but you could probably cause the same problem by smearing a paste containing table salt on your face as well.

There are many regions in the world where the well water has very, very high levels of sodium fluoride and other similar compounds. People in those areas suffer no noticeable ill effects even though their fluoride exposure is thousands of times higher than normal.

They do, however, have great teeth and bones which is were the idea of adding similar fluoride compounds to toothpaste and water came from.

Paranoia is about fluoride is one of those strange little conspiracy ideas that floats around and it has since the 50s when the John Birch society declared that fluoridation of water supplies was a communist plot. Somehow the idea took hold and despite decades of research and real world experience, a lot of people still think it has some validity. I think it's a case of, "where there's smoke there's fire," but substitute "ill informed chatter" for smoke. If enough people talk about the existence of possible threat some people will assume that there must be a threat driving the chatter.
wolfkeeper in reply to shannonloveApr 13, 2011. 12:25 PM
I'm certainly no conspiracist, but I get acne around my mouth when I brush my teeth and *then* floss, whereas if I do it the other way around and am a lot more careful with the toothpaste, I get a *lot* less. So it seems to be the toothpaste.
shannonlove in reply to wolfkeeperApr 15, 2011. 11:19 AM
I don't doubt that you could be allergic or sensitive to something in the toothpaste. People's immune systems go off on all kinds of things. Somewhere there is someone allergic to any substance you can think of.

However, there is no reason to suspect that it is the fluoride compounds specifically that cause your problem. It could just a well be any of the other dozen or so components of the toothpaste. There is nothing about those specific fluoride compounds that associate them with skin disorders.

You could just be very sensitive to having something that traps moisture against your face. It's important not to go off half-cocked about such things.
wolfkeeper in reply to shannonloveApr 15, 2011. 12:16 PM
Perhaps, but it doesn't really matter. You're talking about something with no clinical trials supporting its use for acne, and a product that is formulated in hundreds of different ways/brands by different manufacturers, based on recipes that they can change at whim, that is only tested and intended to be applied to teeth.

I've personally found that the toothpastes I've used have all broken me out.

So for multiple reasons, I recommend against anyone using this product like this.
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