Introduction: Appropriating Nutritive Consumables and Absconding

Would you like to empower yourself and take the initiative to stop dolling out so much money? Would you like to know the art of supplementing your dietary intake by participating in no-cost food re-harvesting in a retail environment?

As organisms, we humans all experience those inconvenient hunger pangs from time to time. When we do, it is a great luxury to be able to inundate our gullets with nutritious food products like a bunch of geese being reared for pate'. Unfortunately the machinations of the world economy often render food quite "spendy". Food stamps are very good, but the application process seems almost punitive. That's why many people actively participate in "food re-harvesting". If you have ever appropriated and absconded with food, freshly plucked from the shelves our vast and conveniently located network of retail macro-warehouses, then you have participated in food re-harvesting. If you find that it is difficult to afford breakfast, lunch and dinner in your squalid and penniless existence and you have not yet evaluated appropriating and absconding as a possible option to relieve pressure on your dessicated, vestigial wallet, then read on.

Step 1: Evaluate the Benefits and Risks

Are you hungry but short on cash? Does food seem to you to be quite expensive indeed? Why, Then Just appropriate the food and vanquish your hunger thus!

But keep in mind that not everyone thinks that you should be able to abscond freely with the goods you appropriated, and they may want to stop you. Some of them are inextricably linked to the retail industry through employment. see figure "Industry" and note the horrible lolling eyes and minuscule nose of the beast of industry. These features render it incapable of smelling or otherwise noticing the volume and toxicity of its own waste. Also note the huge maw of the beast, perfect for devouring your livelihood.

With some instruction in technique and precautions, however, one can greatly assuage the risks.

Step 2: Evaluate Your Manner of Dress

Clothes do not need to be extremely baggy, but they should be well populated with pockets. it is important to consider the deepness of the pockets especially in the pants region. The deeper the pocket the larger and more irregularly shaped the food you are capable of appropriating.

Step 3: Search for and Appropriate Location

There are many places that can be advantageously perused for opportunities to appropriate. Larger warehouse-like retailers are probably the best because the smaller and more independent the retailer the closer it it is to people like you. it is not a good idea to appropriate from fellow human beings... only large and pernicious industrial edifices, or kill-crazy robots. It is good to visit a place where the workers are underpaid, rendering them sluggish and apathetic. I reiterate, the larger the edifice, the more oppressed and unstable the employees. Although there are exceptions to this rule, a disgruntled employee might even help you to appropriate goods. For the sake of the ease of documentation of this demonstration, the sample location pictured is quite small.

Step 4: Peruse the Isles

Look for something you would like to eat.

- Nutritional Concerns-- it is generally a good rule of thumb to avoid eating anything with more than 7 to 10 ingredients. Since you are appropriating and absconding with the items they may as well be health food... Do not be drawn in by brightly colored signs telling you to "indulge". The purpose of this is to knock out the price of a meal, not to acquire free diabetes.

- Behavioral Concerns

Behavior is probably the most important part of a successful appropriation outing. You should not ACT like you are shopping, because you really are. Just shop for something you want. This, however is easier said than done. People make some key mistakes when perusing their quarry. These include,

-excessive looking about- you should not look around nervously and pivot you head. slowly and gradually look around with a tranquil expression on your face.

-scrutinizing the ceiling for cameras- if you think there is a camera spying down on you get a better vantage from across the room. Do not look up directly.

and walking briskly through the store stopping only to pick up items (this is a mistake commonly associated with other kinds of appropriating i.e. non-food appropriating.) You should deliberately search for what you want, just like when shopping.

Step 5: Make Your Selections

Choose the items you want and continue looking. Even if you are satisfied, continue to peruse. Then when you are afforded the chance, appropriate the items into your pants. Beware the ceiling mounted robotic eyes. They are everywhere! The Location also might employ mirrors or other crafty tricks. You should treat mirrors like cameras because they are no less hazardous. The most important thing to remember is that the cameras of today are not (yet) outfitted with technology capable of seeing through a wall of products or your body. You can appropriate in plain sight of a camera if your bodily movements are natural and casually restricted to the side of your body where the metal lords cannot peer.

Step 6: Skedaddle!

Now its time to skitter off and enjoy your nutritious lunch! But don't get too excited. Exit in a calm and orderly manner. And don't forget to be cordial to the employees you see on the way out. It was their loving negligence that allowed you to abscond with impunity.

Step 7: Eat Your Lunch, You Fool!

Now its time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. This snack is healthy and will provide ample energy, but why stop at a snack? Next time abscond with more formidable vittles and visit several locations. it could save you 20 dollars a day!

Comments

author
autokymatic (author)2010-12-13

corporations get away with worse everyday, and our gov't yields to it all the time, and in many cases protects the organized crime of corporations.

kudos, Mr. Dogsbody.

i was homeless, and jobless, and fending for myself and 4 others in my situation. i foraged, rummaged, dumpster dived, and went to food drives, but you bet your a$$ i had a few liberties in Walmart without a ping of my conscience.

author
Mr.Dogsbody (author)autokymatic2010-12-15

Kudos to you too! We are all penny nickel and dimed every day but not all of us can afford it. More importantly not all of us can have or even know we are eligible for programs like food stamps. Shoplifting is one way to keep your head afloat when things get rough.

The best, most beneficial nutrition costs the most money, sadly. If only the government would subsidize healthy food for us instead of propping up giant agricultural/farm corporations that are pumping out highly processed and preserved crapola, what i like to refer to as "human chow."

author
Lokisgodhi (author)2010-08-22

Not to condone stealing but, if the store has a buffet section, you could always fix yourself a nice meal of finger food type things and then go shopping and snack on it while 'shopping'. You could easily lighten the container by half or three-quarters.

author
threadbare (author)2009-07-13

This instuctable was a bummer. I don't care what you call it. Stealing is stealing. I hitch hiked for a year and lived out of a VW bus for a year and never resorted to stealing. Dumpster diveing...yes, getting left overs from restaurants...yes, stealing no. I wouldn't steal from you, bummer you would steal from them.

author
thepelton (author)2009-06-20

If you want to eat food without running the risk of having it slid through a hole in the jail cell door, try this book: "Best Tasting Edible Wild Plants of the Rocky Mountains" by Bob Seebeck. Don't call me for your one phone call.

author
Bardouv (author)2009-06-07

I like it. I miss the not liable section. It's called the offbeat section now. I guess people's views change...oh well.

author
greenjedi (author)2009-03-29

I've flagged this instructable. I encourage you all to do the same. Shoplifting? really? I'm penniless and cheap, but i've never resorted to stealing.

author
Mr.Dogsbody (author)greenjedi2009-03-30

Its not shoplifting. Its appropriating and absconding.

author
krowii (author)2009-03-18

Seriously? An instructable about stealing?

author
riku-riku-chan (author)2009-03-12

this looks an awful lot like a college i attended... familiar hallways.

author
beatyruth (author)2009-03-07

Tch, tch, you know most stores have electronic surveillance or mirrors up. You didn't even mention those! While many stores don't have all their cameras on, just enough to fool most of the public, you can tell by the beady little red light if they are on. Mirrors are not so easy to fool. And "Loss Prevention Specialists" can be soooo unpleasant abut someone appropriating their company's goods.

author
Mr.Dogsbody (author)beatyruth2009-03-11

What do you mean by electronic surveillance? Are you talking about cameras? It is true that i didn't mention mirrors, but i have a short section on cameras in which i say that you should not scour the ceiling for them. I will add a section on mirrors, although they should not be treated any different from cameras. It does not matter if the camera is on or off. Behavior and body positioning is crucial. in some establishments there is no nook unwatched by cameras, and in these instances, you must position your body between your pocket and the camera. The line of sight is disrupted by your body and the camera has essentially recorded you standing there. Its probably not advisable to do this kind of thing at all, but if youre going take risks and perpetrate the appropriation of goods then you will have to get used to the idea of making "loss prevention specialists" rue the very day!

author
nruegs (author)2009-02-27

I can't quite put my finger on it, but something about the surreal expression on the cashier's face in the picture for step 6 suggests that this was instructable was does not accurately reflect what happened in the store.

author
tecneeq (author)2009-02-26

So you are basically saying to steal in shops? I believe this is somewhat lame.

author
Dandeman321 (author)2009-02-26

:[

author
Kaelessin (author)2009-02-26

Nicely done! I love the way this was presented!

author
Scubabubba (author)2009-02-26

All that effort in the writing, and you didn't bother to rotate the pictures? What is the world coming to . . .

author
Kaelessin (author)Scubabubba2009-02-26

lol I thought it lent some wackiness to an otherwise very seriously toned article . . .

author
funbob (author)Scubabubba2009-02-26

Artistic license :)

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