Ghouls get to celebrate, too, you know; and for a holiday treat, they especially enjoy eyes.   Centuries ago, ghouls settled for the less healthy, haphazardly collected eye sockets; but nowadays, ghouls struggle to pay more attention to their celebratory food.   While tasty eye sockets are certainly desirable, it has been proven that combined with eyes they offer considerably more, good ghoul nutrition per serving than seen in socket-heavy offerings. As a result, ghouls’ palates and health concerns have evolved, demanding fresher product and eschewing the bland, brown-eyed, days-old offerings.

For a maggot-free presentation, make sure you acquire all eyes the day of the celebration and serve in pairs to avoid unnecessary waste. Note: no pirates or Cyclops please.

Although tempting to do-it- yourself, only rely on an experienced, cadaver-approved forager to collect eyes. They spend millennia training to spot redness, jaundice and sties—you don’t want any of your little ghouls to have upset tummies do you?    A properly harvested orb socket will be an irregular oval to rounded shape with jagged edges; and the eyes will have faded irises, pronounced pupils and lens and not totally rounded.   Farm-raised eyes are strictly spherical with no irregularities and bright irises.   One would think that a colorful iris would guarantee freshness; unfortunately, it’s because they are factory-dyed prior to distribution.

With the holiday fast approaching, have your ghoul friends over and offer these assorted eyes and sockets.   You’ll be sure to please. The ghouls will be rattling on forever about your exceptional good taste… in dining.

Unwilling or unable to access to fresh corpses, try this human-approved vegetarian version instead.

Step 1: Eye Needs

Eye needs
1/2 cup cornstarch
¼ cup granulated sugar
11/2 cups whole milk
¼ teaspoon almond extract
Lemon
red seedless grapes
plums
peaches

Step 2: Eye Equipment

vegetable peeler
¼ cup dry measure
2 cup liquid measuring cup
¼ teaspoon measure
medium saucepan
whisk
spatula
heat proof container
paring knife
cutting board

Step 3: Eye Making

Peel about an inch off the lemon without the white pith.

Off heat, combine the cornstarch and the sugar in the saucepan and whisk together.
Thoroughly whisk in the milk until smooth, add the lemon peel then heat on medium. Stir frequently until it comes to a simmer and begins to thicken. Now stir constantly until it gets really thick and pulls away from the pan—about 10-15 seconds. Take out the peel, and stir in the extract. Note: This mixture is for the “whites” of the eyes and using vanilla extract would give it an off color. Scrape into the heat proof container and refrigerate for an hour, uncovered.

Step 4: Pupil and Lens

Meanwhile using the paring knife, slice a small, circular piece off each end of the grape and set aside for the pupils. Now slice the remainder into 1/32 inch slices. Anyway try to get them as thin and even as possible. These slices are for the lens.

Step 5: Socket Creation

Slice the lemon in half, then slice the plum and peach in half and remove the pits. Squeeze lemon juice over the halves. Now make jagged cuts around the edges of the fruit halves to form the sockets.

Step 6: The Orb

Pinch off around a teaspoon of the cornstarch mixture. Roll around in the palms of your hands to form a ball. Dampen your hands if it seems too sticky. Gently press the pupil into the ball. Top with the thin grape slice then plop it into the socket cavity.

Step 7: Fine DeyeNing

With the holiday fast approaching, have your ghoul friends over and offer these assorted eyes and sockets. You’ll be sure to please. The ghouls will be rattling on forever about your exceptional good taste… in dining.