For a long time I've been wanting a system similar to the one that the phone company for their customer service line. In other words, I want people who call me to receive a recorded message and then be placed on hold forever with no real hope of their call being answered.
This is the first iteration towards the phone system of which I speak and serves as a proof of concept as I continue to develop it to its utmost potential.
Future versions of this system will have the following features:
1. A touch tone controlled start menu
2. More intelligent pre-recorded message selection
3. A larger music selection
4. An operator function which will play a pre-recorded message and then disconnect the call
5. Presentable project casing
Step 1: Go Get Stuff
1) A bluetooth headset
2) An 1/8" audio jack
3) A 100K potentiometer
4) Hookup Wire
5) An 1/8" male to male audio cable
6) A computer microphone
7) Garage Band (or similar)
1) Diagonal cutters
2) A soldering iron and solder
3) A multimeter
4) A hot glue gun
5) A marker
Step 2: Nurse! Scalpel!
Step 3: Testing... Testing...
Step 4: Operate
Step 5: Attach Wires
Attach a red wire to the terminal that the positive end of the microphone was attached to and a black wire to the terminal that the negative end was attached to.
Step 6: Resist
In case you were wondering, the audio tab is the tab that is not physically connected to the large metal connector in the back of the jack. That is the ground pin.
Step 7: That's a Fact Jack
Step 8: Record Music
To record music, open garage band and create a new track for a real instrument. Plug in your microphone (if one is not built into your computer), hit record and start making music.
For inspiration visit Schnoize's official site.
Step 9: Please Hold
"The expected wait time to talk to (your name here) is (slight pause) minutes. Please continue to hold and he will answer your call in the order in which it was received."
Where it says "(your name here)" the person should obviously state your name. And where it says "(slight pause)" you will be inserting a number spoken in a different voice in the next step.
Step 10: Record Numbers
The reason for this range of numbers is that you don't want people to think they may be talking to you with 5 minutes nor do you want people to believe they will be on hold more than 45.
Step 11: Smash It Up
To have a smoother sounding message, slightly overlap the silent parts of the audio tracks and have one rapidly fade out when the other is rapidly fading in.
Once you have inserted wait times into a number of "Please Hold" messages, insert the please hold message every 30 - 45 seconds into your music track using the rapid fade-in and fade-out technique just described.
Below you will find an mp3 of my 7-minute hold message loop.