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Picture of Bacon candle (a.k.a., the Man-dle)
A candle made specifically for a man's enjoyment, using the greatest fragrance known to man: BACON!!!

Guys, let's face it.  Scented candles are most definitely NOT manly.  Imagine, if you will, the humiliation that would be yours if one of your chums were to drop by and discover you home, alone, with a room full of scented candles spewing their dainty perfume throughout your abode!  The shame would be so overwhelming that it would neutralize every last molecule of testosterone fleeing your loins! 

Without doubt, jasmine, rose petal, lavender, vanilla, and similarly scented candles are all intended for the enjoyment of the fairer sex.  Heck, as far as I am concerned, the only two reasons to use a candle are during power outages and....well...er...a..., let's just say that the second reason has a lot to do with playing to the fancies of the aforementioned fairer sex. 

No More!  It's time we MEN have a candle we can burn proudly:  one proclaiming our manhood instead of severing it!  Introducing the Man-dle!

Ingredients:
  • Bacon
  • Bee's wax
  • Cotton yarn, cord, or similar wick material.
Note: As it turns out, there are other bacon candles on Instructables.  I did not know this prior to starting this 'ible.  No plagiarism was intended.  That said, the Man'dle offers advantages over other similar products and, I believe, deserves a read.
 
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Step 1: Cook Bacon

Picture of Cook Bacon
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This is beef bacon, so feel free to use it for a Hanukkah candle! 

We want to get as much of the oil out of the Bacon as possible without burning it.  Cook on medium low heat.  This will take a while. 

If you don't know how to cook bacon, you should stop reading now.  You are clearly not man enough to continue.  I suggest drawing a nice warm bath, adding a few drops of lavender oil, and soaking until you grow a pair!  
Orngrimm2 years ago
"If you don't know how to cook bacon, you should stop reading now. You are clearly not man enough to continue. I suggest drawing a nice warm bath, adding a few drops of lavender oil, and soaking until you grow a pair!"
Hahahaha! (I almost choked on my beer there!)
Oh man! You, Sir, just won the contest for the most manly 'ible around! :)
jxross (author)  Orngrimm2 years ago
Thanks for the comments. The original draft of that particular paragraph suggested adding pussy willow to the bath instead of the lavender, but my wife vetoed that as a bit over the top. Oops, did I just sneak it in? My bad! :-)
FFCandleCo1 month ago

Another suggestion...if you pour the candle wax too hot you will get sinkage in the middle. This is because the wax contracts as it cools and leaves voids. The voids can cause the candle to smoke. A tip is to use a heat gun to melt some of the top layer of wax to melt down and fill the holes. You may need to repeat this process several times.

Disclaimer: I am a candle maker and owner of http://www.masonjarcandles.co

jxross (author)  FFCandleCo1 month ago

Thanks for the tip.

DavidP272 months ago

You certainly don't know how to cook bacon... Use cookie tray and cook it at 220 F in the oven. Using a fry pan result in low quality cook bacon.

rsmigielski6 months ago
I used crystal wax from hobby lobby to make this today.
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I do not know you but I think we might be friends if I knew you.

but u can post the clean version here tho. any thats not clean can be underscored like this ____________________ . an done
jasonfehrs1 year ago
I don't normally comment on ibles, but when I do, i make sure it's the most manly bacon themed ones. I salute you sir on a job well done.
Hahah! Awesome job. I enjoy great writing.
hotsteel02 years ago
OMg thats just PURE EVIL!!!
Genuis! I must say this is something will make anyone hungry as hell!
narf72 years ago
Mr J.X.Ross invents a Fakin candle?! What next...tofu candle?! You are heading over to the dark side sir... ;)
jxross (author)  narf72 years ago
I'm not sure I was ever on any side other than the dark side! And I have failed to say it before, but thanks for all the comments on my other projects. They always make me chuckle.
doodlecraft2 years ago
Hilarious! I'm so allergic to all the fru-fru smelling candles...but I love bacon! Nice job!
jxross (author)  doodlecraft2 years ago
Thanks for the comments. You may also enjoy my Blackberry-peach Anti-Occu-pie write-up.  The result is pretty tasty, too.
"If you don't know how to cook bacon, you should stop reading now. You are clearly not man enough to continue. I suggest drawing a nice warm bath, adding a few drops of lavender oil, and soaking until you grow a pair!"

YEEEEEES!!! *Does the Man-Dance!*

It's easy to see that a bacon candle is the hands-down choice.
I use beef tallow and sometimes chicken fat for some of my candles. And lard, right after I've made donuts, onion rings or fried chicken. I'll either use a cut open Arizona tea can or just a shot-glass to hold the candle fat.
Well done, sir. Well done.
john32 years ago
Thanks. I make man-dle now. lol
quadracer2 years ago
Awesome ible !!! Havent laughed this hard in a while.
Very detailed and very humourous. Thank you
Reffner2 years ago
Maybe "Strips of beef that want to be bacon candle" is a more accurate title for this. Beef bacon? Seriously? REAL men eat REAL bacon. LOL
jxross (author)  Reffner2 years ago
Touché! Though for fake bacon, the taste of this stuff is pretty close.
Reffner jxross2 years ago
All meant in good fun ;) I've had it and I agree, it's pretty tasty stuff! Still, If I can get some bacon grease away from the wife (she cooks with it) I have to try this. It is a fantastic idea!