Instructables
Picture of Bacon candle (a.k.a., the Man-dle)
A candle made specifically for a man's enjoyment, using the greatest fragrance known to man: BACON!!!

Guys, let's face it.  Scented candles are most definitely NOT manly.  Imagine, if you will, the humiliation that would be yours if one of your chums were to drop by and discover you home, alone, with a room full of scented candles spewing their dainty perfume throughout your abode!  The shame would be so overwhelming that it would neutralize every last molecule of testosterone fleeing your loins! 

Without doubt, jasmine, rose petal, lavender, vanilla, and similarly scented candles are all intended for the enjoyment of the fairer sex.  Heck, as far as I am concerned, the only two reasons to use a candle are during power outages and....well...er...a..., let's just say that the second reason has a lot to do with playing to the fancies of the aforementioned fairer sex. 

No More!  It's time we MEN have a candle we can burn proudly:  one proclaiming our manhood instead of severing it!  Introducing the Man-dle!

Ingredients:
  • Bacon
  • Bee's wax
  • Cotton yarn, cord, or similar wick material.
Note: As it turns out, there are other bacon candles on Instructables.  I did not know this prior to starting this 'ible.  No plagiarism was intended.  That said, the Man'dle offers advantages over other similar products and, I believe, deserves a read.
 
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Step 1: Cook Bacon

This is beef bacon, so feel free to use it for a Hanukkah candle! 

We want to get as much of the oil out of the Bacon as possible without burning it.  Cook on medium low heat.  This will take a while. 

If you don't know how to cook bacon, you should stop reading now.  You are clearly not man enough to continue.  I suggest drawing a nice warm bath, adding a few drops of lavender oil, and soaking until you grow a pair!  

Step 2: Simmer grease

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Once the bacon has given up the bulk of its greasy goodness, remove bacon and pour grease into a small sauce pan.  Simmer grease on low heat until it stops steaming.  This will drive the water from the fat and allow for a better burn.  This can take several hours, so be patient. 

Essentially, we are rendering the bacon fat and creating tallow (beef) or lard (pork).

Two noteworthy points.
  • If you cook too fast, the grease will burn; it will still work in our Man-dle, but it may smell "off".
  • If you stop too early, it will still work, but the Man-dle may smoke and sputter a bit more than normal.
Do you see what happened there.  Even if you aren't patient and don't follow the directions, the Man-dle will still work perfectly fine!  Can this be any more Manly?  Nope!

Step 3: Make a BLATT

While you are waiting for the grease to finish steaming, make good use of that bacon you just cooked.  I suggest a tasty BLATT: Bacon, Lettuce, Avocado, Tomato, and Turkey sandwich.  Yummy.   

Of course, real men will probably want to modify this recipe by eliminating the Lettuce, Avocado, Tomato, and Turkey.  Yep....get rid of the bread and we have the perfect manly sandwich!  Now we're talking!

Step 4: Filter Oil

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This step is optional, but it makes for a cleaner looking candle and reduces sputtering and smoking from the burning bacon bits. 

Once the grease is finished steaming, filter it through a fine sieve.  I used a paper towel and it worked perfectly. 

Wipe the saucepan out and put the oil back into the pan.  Return to heat.

We could use the now-rendered grease as is, but this would result in a Man-dle with a very low melting point; the entire thing would be completely liquid within 10 minutes of lighting.  Not ideal conditions for wick support!  Read on for an easy solution.

By the way, the paper towel that was used to filter the bacon grease makes the perfect manly sachet to put in your underwear drawer.  Just be careful walking near the Bark Park.

Step 5: Add bee's wax

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To raise the melting temperature of the Man-dle, we add 1 part bee's wax for every 2 parts grease.  More wax will raise the melting point further, but I find this ratio sufficient.

To melt the wax, you can either add solid wax to the grease or you could pre-melt the wax in a jar placed in a pot of boiling water.  I chose the latter because my wax was in a Mason jar, and it was easier to melt the wax than to break off a hunk without breaking the jar. 
 
Either way, move on to next step while your wax is melting.

Insert inappropriate waxing joke here; the one I have in mind will insult a lot of metrosexuals and get my Instructable flagged! 

Step 6: Set up wick

I used a piece of cotton cord for my wick.  Other suitable wick options include cotton yarn, a thin strip of cotton fabric, a strand from a clean cotton mop head, or a commercially available wick from a hobby or craft store.

I tied a small washer to one end of the wick for weight.  The other end was tied to a pencil so that the wick hung in the center of my Man-dle jar.  

Basically, you want your wick long enough to reach the bottom without being so sloppy that it makes a mess when things start heating up.  Yeah....ahem.

Step 7: Combine and fill jar

Picture of Combine and fill jar
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Once the rendered grease and melted wax have been combined, it's time to pour the Man-dle.  If the Man-dle is large-ish, there will likely be "significant shrinkage" as the mixture cools.  This is normal and will not effect the performance of your Man-dle, only its appearance (honest, ladies!).  To minimize this, allow the mixture to cool slowly.  Another alternative is to pour the mixture in several layers, cooling the Man-dle in the freezer between each layer. 

Once the Man-dle has solidified, cut the excess wick material. 

The Man-dle is shelf stable for several months without refrigeration, but I suggest it be stored in the freezer.  This will increase the Man-dle burn time.

I used a 4 ounce jelly jar for my Man-dle container so that I could add a lid and give it to my buddy at his Bachelor Party. 

Yep, that's right, a Bachelor Party.  If we aren't careful, men around the globe might start having their own scented candle parties at home with 15 of their closest friends!  I can only imagine what we could expect at a Rubbermaid party for men! 

Light 'em if you got 'em.

Orngrimm1 year ago
"If you don't know how to cook bacon, you should stop reading now. You are clearly not man enough to continue. I suggest drawing a nice warm bath, adding a few drops of lavender oil, and soaking until you grow a pair!"
Hahahaha! (I almost choked on my beer there!)
Oh man! You, Sir, just won the contest for the most manly 'ible around! :)
jxross (author)  Orngrimm1 year ago
Thanks for the comments. The original draft of that particular paragraph suggested adding pussy willow to the bath instead of the lavender, but my wife vetoed that as a bit over the top. Oops, did I just sneak it in? My bad! :-)
rsmigielski16 days ago
I used crystal wax from hobby lobby to make this today.
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I don't do drugs, and I have a penchant for getting fat.,....

And to me this is FOOD PORN!

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm BACON.....

Cooked Bacon, Bacon sammiches, Bacon Rolls, Bacon and Eggs, Bacon and Chillies, Bacon and Cheese, Bacon and Bacon...

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Bacon Candles.....

This is just too much.

I do not know you but I think we might be friends if I knew you.

but u can post the clean version here tho. any thats not clean can be underscored like this ____________________ . an done
jasonfehrs1 year ago
I don't normally comment on ibles, but when I do, i make sure it's the most manly bacon themed ones. I salute you sir on a job well done.
Hahah! Awesome job. I enjoy great writing.
hotsteel01 year ago
OMg thats just PURE EVIL!!!
Genuis! I must say this is something will make anyone hungry as hell!
narf71 year ago
Mr J.X.Ross invents a Fakin candle?! What next...tofu candle?! You are heading over to the dark side sir... ;)
jxross (author)  narf71 year ago
I'm not sure I was ever on any side other than the dark side! And I have failed to say it before, but thanks for all the comments on my other projects. They always make me chuckle.
Hilarious! I'm so allergic to all the fru-fru smelling candles...but I love bacon! Nice job!
jxross (author)  doodlecraft1 year ago
Thanks for the comments. You may also enjoy my Blackberry-peach Anti-Occu-pie write-up.  The result is pretty tasty, too.
"If you don't know how to cook bacon, you should stop reading now. You are clearly not man enough to continue. I suggest drawing a nice warm bath, adding a few drops of lavender oil, and soaking until you grow a pair!"

YEEEEEES!!! *Does the Man-Dance!*

It's easy to see that a bacon candle is the hands-down choice.
I use beef tallow and sometimes chicken fat for some of my candles. And lard, right after I've made donuts, onion rings or fried chicken. I'll either use a cut open Arizona tea can or just a shot-glass to hold the candle fat.
Well done, sir. Well done.
john31 year ago
Thanks. I make man-dle now. lol
quadracer1 year ago
Awesome ible !!! Havent laughed this hard in a while.
Very detailed and very humourous. Thank you
Reffner1 year ago
Maybe "Strips of beef that want to be bacon candle" is a more accurate title for this. Beef bacon? Seriously? REAL men eat REAL bacon. LOL
jxross (author)  Reffner1 year ago
Touché! Though for fake bacon, the taste of this stuff is pretty close.
Reffner jxross1 year ago
All meant in good fun ;) I've had it and I agree, it's pretty tasty stuff! Still, If I can get some bacon grease away from the wife (she cooks with it) I have to try this. It is a fantastic idea!