You're a banana.
You're at a bonfire, beach fire or barbecue*. There's a real party atmosphere. People are milling around, telling stories and aimlessly poking the flames with sticks. Maybe some alcohol is being passed around. Maybe some songs are being sung. Everybody is having a good time. Everybody except you.
Even though you do your best to hide it, you can never quite relax at social events where you know food might be involved. Why? Because part of you is always dreading that moment when people start to choose their meals and you just know that you'll be left sitting in the picnic basket with the herrings and the inexplicable can of prunes.
You've always thought of yourself as a strong, independent fruit. You're high in fiber and potassium, you're easily portable and you don't make a mess when you get eaten. You've got a lot going for you. You've learned to tune out the unattainable body images of sausages and hot dogs that used to turn you green with envy. In one-to-one situations or when you're hanging out with a bunch of close friends, you generally feel pretty comfortable in your own skin.
At a big outdoor party, however, you can't help worrying that fruit just isn't cool enough. If only there were a way to make yourself more enticing to hungry (and slightly drunk) humans...
Amazingly, there is! You won't believe this one weird old trick for making yourself irresistibly delicious in just minutes! Doctors hate it!
Follow these simple instructions to turn yourself into a tasty bonfire banana boat!
What you'll need:
- yourself (i.e. a banana)
- aluminum foil
*Or any other convivial conflagration conducive to camaraderie, conversation and casual calorific consumption.
You may need a human to help you with this step and all of the following steps.
Step 2: Slice and Dice
Step 3: Sweeten the Deal
Step 4: Passengers in the Boat
Step 5: Wrap Up Warm
Step 6: Work Up a Sweat
Don't get complacent! If you stay too long or too close to the fire you'll relax so much that you'll become an inedible burnt mess.