Bonfire Banana Boat





Introduction: Bonfire Banana Boat

About: Artist in Residence at Pier 9, currently exploring a vast array of new tools with which to injure myself.

Picture the following scenario:

You're a banana.

You're at a bonfire, beach fire or barbecue*. There's a real party atmosphere. People are milling around, telling stories and aimlessly poking the flames with sticks. Maybe some alcohol is being passed around. Maybe some songs are being sung. Everybody is having a good time. Everybody except you.

Even though you do your best to hide it, you can never quite relax at social events where you know food might be involved. Why? Because part of you is always dreading that moment when people start to choose their meals and you just know that you'll be left sitting in the picnic basket with the herrings and the inexplicable can of prunes.

You've always thought of yourself as a strong, independent fruit. You're high in fiber and potassium, you're easily portable and you don't make a mess when you get eaten. You've got a lot going for you. You've learned to tune out the unattainable body images of sausages and hot dogs that used to turn you green with envy. In one-to-one situations or when you're hanging out with a bunch of close friends, you generally feel pretty comfortable in your own skin.

At a big outdoor party, however, you can't help worrying that fruit just isn't cool enough. If only there were a way to make yourself more enticing to hungry (and slightly drunk) humans...

Amazingly, there is! You won't believe this one weird old trick for making yourself irresistibly delicious in just minutes! Doctors hate it!

Follow these simple instructions to turn yourself into a tasty bonfire banana boat!

What you'll need:
- yourself (i.e. a banana)
- chocolate
- marshmallows
- aluminum foil
- fire

*Or any other convivial conflagration conducive to camaraderie, conversation and casual calorific consumption.

Step 1:

Carefully slice yourself open from one end to the other. Make sure the knife goes all the way through your skin and, ideally, most of the way through your firm, starchy flesh.

You may need a human to help you with this step and all of the following steps.

Step 2: Slice and Dice

Divide yourself into several smaller segments. This is less painful than it sounds. Try to focus on how good it will feel to be eaten later.

Step 3: Sweeten the Deal

Take chunks of chocolate and wedge them into a few of your new internal wounds, dividing your boat's hull into a series of cabins.

Step 4: Passengers in the Boat

Take three large marshmallows and berth them each into a different chocolate cabin on your ship. Don't worry about the fact that you can't fit these marshmallows completely inside yourself; they're mostly air, so they'll shrink down in volume once they start to melt into your increasingly tender flesh.

Step 5: Wrap Up Warm

Cover yourself completely in some snazzy and eye-catching aluminum foil. Make sure the ends are folded over so you don't need to worry about making a mess if you get too gooey later.

Step 6: Work Up a Sweat

Spend five to ten minutes hanging out at the edge of the fire. During this time you should develop a healthy tan and feel all the tension drain from your body.

Don't get complacent! If you stay too long or too close to the fire you'll relax so much that you'll become an inedible burnt mess.

Step 7: Emerge From Your Cocoon

If a phoenix had a chrysalis, it would look like this. Unwrap yourself with aplomb and instantly become the life of the party! Invite everyone to grab a spoon (or stick) and try a chunk of your delicious chocolatey body!



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    17 Discussions

    I made something very similar to this last camping trip with the kids .. only we used the chocolate and peanutbutter morsels (like you use in making cookies) and topped it with the mini marshmellows ... OMG ... sooooo goood

    Looks delicious, very funny write up. If there was a contest I'd vote for you.

    Great write up. I have to plug Kentucky whiskey here as I like American made products, esp those involving alcohol. A dash or two works well. Your idea is not only great, it's aPEELing!


    3 years ago

    Instead of the marshmallows, try a dash or two of rum. Not as child friendly but tasty as hell!

    Kool camping munch . tried it with chocolate didn't think of the marshmallows though duh . nice one will definitely be doing this with the boy

    That looks amazing. I think i'd make them a little less done though for my tastes.

    Not only do you look delicious, your human friend has done a great job writing this Instructable. Great Ible :)

    That was a pretty entertaining read. Plus, I think I'll have a bonfire now too! Thanks.

    Well written I love it


    3 years ago

    I'm sitting in front of a fire pit now, if only I had a banana, I got the chocolate and marshmallow

    Yum and well written

    Best. Write up. Ever.

    That's cool I'll have to do thsi

    this is so well written and looks so yummy!