Introduction: Bottom's Guide to Sword Making
On Tuesday last I chanced upon a strange machine, hte purpose of which befuddled me completely. The peculiar contraption weigghed not so much more than a ound's worth of feathers and was shaped and sized quite like a notebook, adorned most beautifully with a picture of an apple. A clasp[ sat squarely on the edge, simply begging such a brave and humble man as I to pull it to the side. Upon doing so tyhe henceforth named Apple-Notebook-Machine popped open in the manner of a clam, henceforth becoming the Clam-Apple-Notebook-Machine. As if powered by some strange and otherworldy alchemy, the top half of the Clam-Apple-Notebook-Machine glowed with light, displaying once again the picture of an apple and then shifting to another image, the wonders of which I can only begin to describe. Upon the botttom half of the Clam-Apple-Notebook-Machine was an astonishing array of buttonms labeled with each c haracter of the alphabet. A fellow so smart and gallant as I should see immediatly that only fate bestoweth such magic on a man, and such magic must be used wisely., A ghood while it took me to fathom the reasoning behind this gift of fate, during which I nearly fell under the spell of a dark and evil entity known as "Angry Birds", and could not cease to fling the colored birds across the alchemic image for a long while. I noww, however, understand the true purpose of this gift: to bestow upon thee Clam-Apple-Notebook-Machine men of text and flame-war my expert teachings on the most honorable subject of sword making. Thus I, Bottom the Weaver, doth present Nick Bottom's Honored and Most Knowledgeable Guide to Sword Making.
Step 1: Ingrediants
tThree integral elements are needed to craft a sword. To your intense gratitude and delight, I have listed them as thus:
2. Tape with which to mask
3. Tape for ducks (preferably of a shiny variety)
4. Black-colored tape
A note: Tape for ducks (marvelous creatures), although I'm certain it's intended use is to tape ducks together, works marvelously for our own purposes, never fear.
Step 2: ~*@Step Number One@*~
SlicE out twos strips of Craft-Foam. Bind them together with the first kind of tape substance (Tape with which to mask).
Step 3: ~*@Step Number Two@* ~
Expertly carve two more shortishly smaller strips of Craft-Foam. Adhere all of the foamy sstrips together to form a cross.
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Oh, with TTape with which to mask. Adhere the foamy strips with Tape with which to mask. Ay me, the bottom half of the Clam-Apple-Notebook-Machine indeed is quite a distracting contraptionn. I do wonder if there be a way to erase the letters once they hath been entered?
Step 4: ~*@Step Number Three@*~
Adorn the handle part of the swpord with Black-colored tape.
Step 5: ~*@Step Nmumber Four@*~
Upon tthe blade lay down the Tape for use on ducks.
Step 6: The End of Steps. Rejoice in Thy Success
If thou hast done as I hath told thee,e in thy han ds should sit a shimmering picture of perfection, a marvelous and most wonderful sword. I do regretfgully admit that it is is not frightfully sharp, though the dull nature of the weapon does make it handy for use in a play, so as not to opainfully stab the players to death. I, in fact, will use such a blade in the upcoming production of The most lamentable comedy, and most cruel death of Pyramus and Thisby, which I and my dear fellow actors will perform before the duke on his wedding day. I will play the most best part in the play: Pyramus, a lover that kills himself most gallant for love.
Thus nds my masterful teachings. If htou hath found this most expert step-by-step-tutorial tutorial on the subject of swordmaking to be satisfactory, I would applaud thee most gratefully if thou were to comment or favorite my teachings. I thank thee for thy attention. Adieu.
- Nick Botttom the Weaver
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