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Bratz Knife Block

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After I finished working on this project, I had a tough time deciding what tone I wanted to give the Instructable. I asked myself "What thoughts or emotions does a children's doll attached to the front of a knife block incite?". There were so many choices: creepy, sick, offensive, stupid, dangerous, appalling, twisted, objectionable, distasteful ... the list goes on and on; however, in the end, I decided that "disturbing" would be the best direction to head in (but don't worry I peppered this entire project with a little of all those wonderful choices). That being said, if you do not enjoy being: creeped out, sick, offended, stupid, in danger, appalled, twisted, objectionableified (?), distastefuled (also ?), or disturbed, I suggest you stop reading now.

You have been warned.



I realize that you may have some questions about this project. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also irrelevant: "Why?". That will be answered in the next step.

Your next question would probably be "How?". That will be answered in the later steps.

The Who, What, When, and Where are: me, this project, I'd say about 24 hours ago, and the tower.

 
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Step 1: Why!?

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Thinkgeek currently offers two different knife storing products. They carry the Throwzini and The Ex, and, as much as I love stuff from Thinkgeek, I must admit that both of these items are lacking in certain areas.

The Throwzini, while having a somewhat realistic effigy in the center, allows none of the knives to penetrate the figure. I assume that repeatedly missing gives the owner of this product a sense of failure, which can only be remedied when they stab their entire family to death.

The Ex is designed a little bit better. The user is actually given the opportunity to pierce the figure with knives, instead of just having the figure mock them with near-misses. This gives them a chance to release some extra aggression (apparently directed at their ex). The only problem with this product is that the figure being shanked is a shapeless, ambiguous, "artsy" representation of a person. Now, I don't know about you, but when I stab something, I like to be able to see it's eyes. If I wanted to jam a knife into something that looked like a preschooler's play-doh art project they were about to bring home to mommy well ... then I probably would do just that.

More blah-blah after this short video break.



Shh! If you are real quiet, you can almost hear the sanity escaping from my ears.


This (over)analysis of Thinkgeek products has given us a pretty good idea that the perfect knife block would include an easily hate-able somewhat realistic figure being penetrated by knives. Since Tom Cruise was unavailable, I had to think of what the ideal second choice "victim" doll for this project should be. If you haven't already guessed (you probably aren't too bright, since it was in the title of the Instructable) I chose Bratz dolls.

If you have not yet heard of these dolls, please stop reading now. You will be a much happier person. I promise.

Bratz dolls are what parents buy their little street-walkers in training. These dolls are the epitome of evil, strumpetiest of strumpety, embodiment of all that is wrong with modern society. Recent studies show a direct link between the rise in popularity of these dolls and a rise in the number of prostitots inhabiting local malls. Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing inherently wrong with prostitots (I've heard my fair share of "why don't you have a seat over there"s); however, when they clump together little can be heard over their shrieks of laughter and shallowness. The group's hive mind directs them towards unprecedented levels of consumerism. When their requests (for more toys, money, clothes, etc.) are denied, they cry and scream until their desires are met, thus giving credit to their terrorist tactics. Unfortunately, pesky little local, state, and federal laws prevent me from using an actual prostitot for a knife block project, but it is almost as satisfying plunging a sharp pointy object into their creator / idol.

Let the insanity commence!

Step 2: Materials

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Very simple parts list:

- One trollop doll
- One block of wood
- A couple of nuts and bolts, to make it a stand
- A handful of knives (just reach into the knife bucket and grab whatever you can)
- Some random tools (drill, hot glue gun, staple gun)

Impaled hooker doll says what


Step 3: Prep the doll

Not much is needed to prepare the prostitute doll for this project. Basically just strip the little harlot down, until she can be stripped no more. Then throw some derogatory and demeaning comments her way, because "first we break the spirit, then we break the body".

Step 4: Prep and cut the block

Cut the block of wood so that it is roughly the same size as the strumpet doll. Sand it down if needed.

Lay the lifeless naked body against your (block of) wood. Decide where you want to impale her with specific knives, and make corresponding marks on the wood with a fine point sharpie. For the type of stand design that I will use, it will be best to position the longest knife at the top of the block and the shortest at the bottom (Actually, I am pretty sure that holds true for all knife block designs). I decided to have one knife going through her fat head, one through her torso, one cutting off her arm, and one slicing open her leg.

The next step is to cut out the slots, any suggestions on how we do this strumpet doll?

::chuckles:: so true, so true...

Seriously though, finding a way to cut out these slots was one of the most time consuming parts of this entire project. I went at them with a drill, a jig saw, a sawz all, a hammer, a screwdriver, and a dremel, and was only able to make small progress. In the end a milling machine was used, and the slots came out pretty nicely. If you do not have access to a milling machine, your best bet is to drill a series of holes as close together as possible down the length of the slot, and then use a hammer and sharp chisel to knock out the spaces in between.

Once the slots are knocked out, drill two holes at the bottom of the board for the bolts to go through. Bolt placement does not need to be perfect. The holes just need to be at the proper height to prevent the longest knife from hitting anything behind the block while still allowing for a nice sturdy feel (angle the bock too low and the longest knife will hit the table, angle it too high and the block is liable to fall over). There is some wiggle room in this step, because after the holes are drilled, the bolts can be screwed further in / out to adjust the angle at which the block rests.

Step 5: Cut the doll

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Quite possibly, the most funnest step ever imaginable.

Who hasn't, at one time or another, dreamed of letting loose loose and emulating Jack-the-Ripper. Movies like "American Psycho" show that this can be an extremely fun, rewarding, and stress relieving pastime, while movies like "Pretty Woman" also help fuel the urge by having a street walking protagonist (Julia Roberts) who is just begging to be stabbed. Video games like the "Grand Theft" series help alleviate some of this pent up trollop-directed rage, but this step is perfect for those of us who desire a more tangible release of aggression.



The hardest part of this step will be getting the hole in the torso. The torso is the only part of the doll's body that is made of hard plastic. I attempted repeatedly slicing up and down with my swiss army knife, but only made scratch. I ended up having to heat my knife over a stove multiple times, and slowly widen the hole until it was large enough for the normal knife to fit through. Although time consuming, this heating / melting process left the nice effect of a gruesome charred cavity in the center of the dolls chest.

The head of the doll is much easier to get a hole through. Basically just remove the head from the doll, and stab it with the knife. Make the hole in the back of the head wider than just a slice, so it will be easier for the knife to pass through. Put the head back on, and give the doll a test run of her new resting place, making sure all the knives fit and whatnot.

Step 6: Personalize it

In this step you will give the knife block and doll a few finishing touches. The things I have included are just suggestions. The best way to personalize your doll would be to ask yourself what you would do to a real dead prostitute, and then live out your fantasies on the doll. Maybe you want to amputate one of her legs completely, maybe you want to create a new orifice and insert one of her heels into it, the sky is the limit so let your imagination run wild!



- I decided to go for the "scene of the crime" look, so my final knife block doll will be wearing her high heels, jewelery, and fur lined jacket. The lack of dress allows the charred chest cavity to be visible, and gives the entire setup a more "authentic" feel.

- I removed her left hand, because one knife will be cutting through it on the block.

- Her legs are made of hard plastic hinges coated in rubber. I thought that by peeling away the rubber, it would have the effect of removed skin around a bone, so I took my swiss army knife and slowly cut away the skin around her right calf. I then used a staple gun to attach this piece of skin to the wood behind her leg.

Video break


- To finish it all off I covered certain areas of the doll and block in red sharpie to simulate blood. I drew a nice "puddle" behind her head, and also colored in some of her hair. I really like the way the pictures of this turned out, so I chose one for the main image of the project. I also colored in her stump of an arm and calf.

Step 7: Attach the doll and finish it up

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To attach the doll to the block, simply hot glue certain parts of her body to the wood. If you did the same things as me from the last step then read on, otherwise just glue whatever feels loose.

- The first thing to glue would be the dismembered arm. You want it just far enough away so that the blood on her remaining stump is clearly visible. Next you want to glue her stump into place, so that it does not move, and ruin the effect of a freshly severed arm. The last photo shows closeup of what all this looks like.

- The other important thing to glue, would be the "bone" of her calf to the "skin" of her calf. When colored red with sharpie, the hot glue has an aesthetically pleasing look, similar to that of bloody muscle mass. (Which goes great between the bone and skin!)

- Now just hot glue the head, torso, left leg, and right arm in place, and you are finished!

All that is left, is to sit back and enjoy having your friends and family worry about your mental health.
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0izq3 years ago
The premise of step 6 makes this instructable not only inappropriate, but also concerning. Disturbing.
Maniac1212 0izq3 months ago

He said if you couldn't handle it dont read. SOMEBODY didn't listen. :)

I laughed when he said reach into the knife bucket and grab whatever you can LOL!
I think the caption for the first picture is a Silence of the Lambs reference.
I hate Bratz! Awesome idea!
RSV263 years ago
2 things 1 u have a sews army knif like myn 2. doll mutalation swwwet
uberstyle3 years ago
long island serial killer mystery solved...
arthurdent3 years ago
you are SOOOOOO right about these abominations... The worst I saw were a bratz fortune teller that looked like an actress from a porn movie and Bratz babies with full face makeup: If a mother ACTUALLY put heavy makeup on her baby,child protective services would take the baby away from her! And I have two things to add... More knives and make them bigger.
PeoplesCar3 years ago
Most definitely the only worthwhile use for a Bratz doll. Thumbs up.
ilpug3 years ago
This is the funniest thing i have seen this month.
WHY! WHY is this in the survival section!
Now THAT is messed up
hhahahah i just put up an instructable with effed up dolls and yours came up next to it as a suggestion! this is great. :D my husband started cracking up when i played the video clips haha
willkingk4 years ago
That’s... That’s just disturbing
LaBeasy4 years ago
Bahaha!! hooker doll... lol
Lokisgodhi4 years ago
Great Instructable! This is an acceptable alternative if one lacks access to Paris Hilton, Lady Gaga or Lindsey Lohan.
tukmol4 years ago
creepy... but nice idea.
i think you are CRAZY!
*GAG*
why is this in the survival section anyway! GOD! i bet you ****k your mothers a********* what? why'd i get bleeped, i just said drink your mother's applejuice (sorry, i just love smosh! you should check the ask charlie episodes, that's where i got it =P)
... no comment
sick, very sick!
Thou hast had a most troubling childhood?
rhaubejoi5 years ago
First, let me say, this is horribly disturbing.  You are SICK, SICK, SICK and if I had your address, I would send you a get well card.  Next, let me say, I DO agree with you about the Bratz dolls.   I have worked at several toy stores and my husband and I both agree that these dolls look like mini-hookers and send out terrible lessons to children on how to dress/how women should dress.     Also agree that children these days are horrible little beasts who really need to be told NO alot more often.
FFVIIBOY5 years ago
What is this rated!!!!!!!
FFVIIBOY5 years ago
Dude the second i saw that second pic i started cracking up, 5 stars man!
Darth-Vader5 years ago
That is weard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????? ARE YOU REALATED TO ANY FREANDS OF MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THAT IS OUSOME
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dla8885 years ago
Ha Ha I love it!
dedebe47 years ago
I'm a Mom of two daughters. The eldest went through a Barbie phase and the younger one wanted Brats. I love your knife block. After the older one was done with Barbie she asked for one last Barbie cake but with a twist. First we hacked off her long legs because I always had to make too many layers to hide her abnormally long legs. The younger one was a bit upset when we did that one. We also washed her hair for the famous "this Barbie got wet" look. Their hair doesn't do too well after kids try to wash it. Now for our last escapade. My youngest daughter is 13 and for this past Halloween she was her own creation. She was the World's best Baby Sitter. We got part of the idea from one of the Addams Family movies when their daughter comes down the stairs and says she IS dressed up for Halloween. When asked what she is dressed up as she replies, "I'm a homocidal maniac, they look just like everyone else." So my teen dressed cute and would go to the door and say she wanted baby sitting jobs and even had real cards printed for this. Then she'd say,"I'm real good at keeping kids quiet" and from behind her back she would produce a large Barbie head (from a make up / hair-do big Barbie that we'd hacked the head off of and painted red around the wound). She held the doll by the hair and we'd put duct tape over her mouth. We all thought it was great, but.....it is odd; she hasn't gotten any baby sitting calls, but we don't have that many little ones around here anyway!
the Halloween story reminds me of mine. (WAVEY WAVEY WAVEY WAVEY) I was going for a Death costume and my awesome mom made It look scary as hell. I am not kidding I looked like a Ring Wraith, topped off with the plastic Scythe. So I walked up to this old ladys house and when she opened the door, she stopped dead in her tracks and stood there breathing abnormally loudly, then I told her I was just some kid. I laughed so hard when I came home I almost lost my breath. LOL
Orn310 dedebe46 years ago
I can make a guess why! (oh and tetra, great instructable!)
sev17 dedebe46 years ago
rofl
You mean you don't have that many little ones around there ANYMORE!
you should look at the barbie electric chair
Tetranitrate (author)  dedebe47 years ago
That ... is ... awesome.
irongus dedebe47 years ago
Brilliant, simply Brilliant! I have to let my daughter read this for next year. I think the Addams Family is a good influence and a great place to get parenting advice.:-)
Atomman6 years ago
Awesome. I never liked those dolls.
A barbie doll mixed with a prostitute, what is wrong with this? My cousin plays with bratz dolls. Honestly, they just need a caring adult to tear them out of their hands and throw them away.
redbuho7 years ago
La verdad esta muy chido y creo que si lo hacen con barbies pues tambien estaria padre
you need to work on word orders. you said "The truth is very chido and I think if they do then it would be barbies with father"
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