After I finished working on this project, I had a tough time deciding what tone I wanted to give the Instructable. I asked myself "What thoughts or emotions does a children's doll attached to the front of a knife block incite?". There were so many choices: creepy, sick, offensive, stupid, dangerous, appalling, twisted, objectionable, distasteful ... the list goes on and on; however, in the end, I decided that "disturbing" would be the best direction to head in (but don't worry I peppered this entire project with a little of all those wonderful choices). That being said, if you do not enjoy being: creeped out, sick, offended, stupid, in danger, appalled, twisted, objectionableified (?), distastefuled (also ?), or disturbed, I suggest you stop reading now.
You have been warned.
I realize that you may have some questions about this project. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also irrelevant: "Why?". That will be answered in the next step.
Your next question would probably be "How?". That will be answered in the later steps.
The Who, What, When, and Where are: me, this project, I'd say about 24 hours ago, and the tower.
Step 1: Why!?
Thinkgeek currently offers two different knife storing products. They carry the Throwzini and The Ex, and, as much as I love stuff from Thinkgeek, I must admit that both of these items are lacking in certain areas.
The Throwzini, while having a somewhat realistic effigy in the center, allows none of the knives to penetrate the figure. I assume that repeatedly missing gives the owner of this product a sense of failure, which can only be remedied when they stab their entire family to death.
The Ex is designed a little bit better. The user is actually given the opportunity to pierce the figure with knives, instead of just having the figure mock them with near-misses. This gives them a chance to release some extra aggression (apparently directed at their ex). The only problem with this product is that the figure being shanked is a shapeless, ambiguous, "artsy" representation of a person. Now, I don't know about you, but when I stab something, I like to be able to see it's eyes. If I wanted to jam a knife into something that looked like a preschooler's play-doh art project they were about to bring home to mommy well ... then I probably would do just that.
More blah-blah after this short video break.
Shh! If you are real quiet, you can almost hear the sanity escaping from my ears.
This (over)analysis of Thinkgeek products has given us a pretty good idea that the perfect knife block would include an easily hate-able somewhat realistic figure being penetrated by knives. Since Tom Cruise was unavailable, I had to think of what the ideal second choice "victim" doll for this project should be. If you haven't already guessed (you probably aren't too bright, since it was in the title of the Instructable) I chose Bratz dolls.
If you have not yet heard of these dolls, please stop reading now. You will be a much happier person. I promise.
Bratz dolls are what parents buy their little street-walkers in training. These dolls are the epitome of evil, strumpetiest of strumpety, embodiment of all that is wrong with modern society. Recent studies show a direct link between the rise in popularity of these dolls and a rise in the number of prostitots inhabiting local malls. Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing inherently wrong with prostitots (I've heard my fair share of "why don't you have a seat over there"s); however, when they clump together little can be heard over their shrieks of laughter and shallowness. The group's hive mind directs them towards unprecedented levels of consumerism. When their requests (for more toys, money, clothes, etc.) are denied, they cry and scream until their desires are met, thus giving credit to their terrorist tactics. Unfortunately, pesky little local, state, and federal laws prevent me from using an actual prostitot for a knife block project, but it is almost as satisfying plunging a sharp pointy object into their creator / idol.
Let the insanity commence!