Bratz Knife Block

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After I finished working on this project, I had a tough time deciding what tone I wanted to give the Instructable. I asked myself "What thoughts or emotions does a children's doll attached to the front of a knife block incite?". There were so many choices: creepy, sick, offensive, stupid, dangerous, appalling, twisted, objectionable, distasteful ... the list goes on and on; however, in the end, I decided that "disturbing" would be the best direction to head in (but don't worry I peppered this entire project with a little of all those wonderful choices). That being said, if you do not enjoy being: creeped out, sick, offended, stupid, in danger, appalled, twisted, objectionableified (?), distastefuled (also ?), or disturbed, I suggest you stop reading now.

You have been warned.

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I realize that you may have some questions about this project. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also irrelevant: "Why?". That will be answered in the next step.

Your next question would probably be "How?". That will be answered in the later steps.

The Who, What, When, and Where are: me, this project, I'd say about 24 hours ago, and the tower.

Step 1: Why!?

Thinkgeek currently offers two different knife storing products. They carry the Throwzini and The Ex, and, as much as I love stuff from Thinkgeek, I must admit that both of these items are lacking in certain areas.

The Throwzini, while having a somewhat realistic effigy in the center, allows none of the knives to penetrate the figure. I assume that repeatedly missing gives the owner of this product a sense of failure, which can only be remedied when they stab their entire family to death.

The Ex is designed a little bit better. The user is actually given the opportunity to pierce the figure with knives, instead of just having the figure mock them with near-misses. This gives them a chance to release some extra aggression (apparently directed at their ex). The only problem with this product is that the figure being shanked is a shapeless, ambiguous, "artsy" representation of a person. Now, I don't know about you, but when I stab something, I like to be able to see it's eyes. If I wanted to jam a knife into something that looked like a preschooler's play-doh art project they were about to bring home to mommy well ... then I probably would do just that.

More blah-blah after this short video break.

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Shh! If you are real quiet, you can almost hear the sanity escaping from my ears.

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This (over)analysis of Thinkgeek products has given us a pretty good idea that the perfect knife block would include an easily hate-able somewhat realistic figure being penetrated by knives. Since Tom Cruise was unavailable, I had to think of what the ideal second choice "victim" doll for this project should be. If you haven't already guessed (you probably aren't too bright, since it was in the title of the Instructable) I chose Bratz dolls.

If you have not yet heard of these dolls, please stop reading now. You will be a much happier person. I promise.

Bratz dolls are what parents buy their little street-walkers in training. These dolls are the epitome of evil, strumpetiest of strumpety, embodiment of all that is wrong with modern society. Recent studies show a direct link between the rise in popularity of these dolls and a rise in the number of prostitots inhabiting local malls. Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing inherently wrong with prostitots (I've heard my fair share of "why don't you have a seat over there"s); however, when they clump together little can be heard over their shrieks of laughter and shallowness. The group's hive mind directs them towards unprecedented levels of consumerism. When their requests (for more toys, money, clothes, etc.) are denied, they cry and scream until their desires are met, thus giving credit to their terrorist tactics. Unfortunately, pesky little local, state, and federal laws prevent me from using an actual prostitot for a knife block project, but it is almost as satisfying plunging a sharp pointy object into their creator / idol.

Let the insanity commence!

Comments

[Hades di Angelo]

I think the caption for the first picture is a Silence of the Lambs reference.

[Penolopy Bulnick]

I hate Bratz! Awesome idea!

[RSV26]

2 things 1 u have a sews army knif like myn 2. doll mutalation swwwet

[uberstyle]

long island serial killer mystery solved...

[arthurdent]

you are SOOOOOO right about these abominations... The worst I saw were a bratz fortune teller that looked like an actress from a porn movie and Bratz babies with full face makeup: If a mother ACTUALLY put heavy makeup on her baby,child protective services would take the baby away from her! And I have two things to add... More knives and make them bigger.

[PeoplesCar]

Most definitely the only worthwhile use for a Bratz doll. Thumbs up.

[0izq]

The premise of step 6 makes this instructable not only inappropriate, but also concerning. Disturbing.

[ilpug]

This is the funniest thing i have seen this month.

[TheInventor1997]

WHY! WHY is this in the survival section!

[theawesomeninja]

Now THAT is messed up

[kristylynn84]

hhahahah i just put up an instructable with effed up dolls and yours came up next to it as a suggestion! this is great. :D my husband started cracking up when i played the video clips haha

[willkingk]

That’s... That’s just disturbing

[LaBeasy]

Bahaha!! hooker doll... lol

[Lokisgodhi]

Great Instructable! This is an acceptable alternative if one lacks access to Paris Hilton, Lady Gaga or Lindsey Lohan.

[tukmol]

creepy... but nice idea.

[TheInventor1997]

i think you are CRAZY!

[TheInventor1997]

*GAG*

[TheInventor1997]

why is this in the survival section anyway! GOD! i bet you ****k your mothers a********* what? why'd i get bleeped, i just said drink your mother's applejuice (sorry, i just love smosh! you should check the ask charlie episodes, that's where i got it =P)

[TheInventor1997]

... no comment

[TheInventor1997]

sick, very sick!

[GrimReaper13]

Thou hast had a most troubling childhood?

[rhaubejoi]

First, let me say, this is horribly disturbing.  You are SICK, SICK, SICK and if I had your address, I would send you a get well card.  Next, let me say, I DO agree with you about the Bratz dolls.   I have worked at several toy stores and my husband and I both agree that these dolls look like mini-hookers and send out terrible lessons to children on how to dress/how women should dress.     Also agree that children these days are horrible little beasts who really need to be told NO alot more often.

[FFVIIBOY]

What is this rated!!!!!!!

[FFVIIBOY]

Dude the second i saw that second pic i started cracking up, 5 stars man!

[Darth-Vader]

That is weard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????? ARE YOU REALATED TO ANY FREANDS OF MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THAT IS OUSOME

[dla888]

Ha Ha I love it!

[dedebe4]

I'm a Mom of two daughters. The eldest went through a Barbie phase and the younger one wanted Brats. I love your knife block. After the older one was done with Barbie she asked for one last Barbie cake but with a twist. First we hacked off her long legs because I always had to make too many layers to hide her abnormally long legs. The younger one was a bit upset when we did that one. We also washed her hair for the famous "this Barbie got wet" look. Their hair doesn't do too well after kids try to wash it. Now for our last escapade. My youngest daughter is 13 and for this past Halloween she was her own creation. She was the World's best Baby Sitter. We got part of the idea from one of the Addams Family movies when their daughter comes down the stairs and says she IS dressed up for Halloween. When asked what she is dressed up as she replies, "I'm a homocidal maniac, they look just like everyone else." So my teen dressed cute and would go to the door and say she wanted baby sitting jobs and even had real cards printed for this. Then she'd say,"I'm real good at keeping kids quiet" and from behind her back she would produce a large Barbie head (from a make up / hair-do big Barbie that we'd hacked the head off of and painted red around the wound). She held the doll by the hair and we'd put duct tape over her mouth. We all thought it was great, but.....it is odd; she hasn't gotten any baby sitting calls, but we don't have that many little ones around here anyway!

[Iridium7]

the Halloween story reminds me of mine. (WAVEY WAVEY WAVEY WAVEY) I was going for a Death costume and my awesome mom made It look scary as hell. I am not kidding I looked like a Ring Wraith, topped off with the plastic Scythe. So I walked up to this old ladys house and when she opened the door, she stopped dead in her tracks and stood there breathing abnormally loudly, then I told her I was just some kid. I laughed so hard when I came home I almost lost my breath. LOL

[Orn310]

I can make a guess why! (oh and tetra, great instructable!)

[sev17]

rofl

[jcampbell]

You mean you don't have that many little ones around there ANYMORE!

[mysterygirl154]

you should look at the barbie electric chair

[Tetranitrate]

That ... is ... awesome.

[irongus]

Brilliant, simply Brilliant! I have to let my daughter read this for next year. I think the Addams Family is a good influence and a great place to get parenting advice.:-)

[Atomman]

Awesome. I never liked those dolls.

[mikroskoritsi]

A barbie doll mixed with a prostitute, what is wrong with this? My cousin plays with bratz dolls. Honestly, they just need a caring adult to tear them out of their hands and throw them away.

[Gnome768]

You Should Totally make another one of these

[MjPadfoot]

umm....ookkay? i do agree on the bratz dolls things. those toys got more make up on them then the counter of MAC. not to mention ugly. they belong in a bloody everlasting hell, the lot of'em.

[vanbo]

You are one twisted person. I LIKE IT!!!!

[redbuho]

La verdad esta muy chido y creo que si lo hacen con barbies pues tambien estaria padre