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Picture of Breast Mouse
Think about breasts. Think warmth, joy, and happy memories.
The human breast is the first thing a person goes looking for when they are born.
Breasts provide everything the baby needs: food, comfort, and warmth.
Unlike many things in this world, breasts are not sharp and will not put your eye out.
Is it any wonder human beings like breasts so much?

By contrast, your average computer mouse is just not that great.
But what if you could make this "human interface device" much more human...

 
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Step 1: Get Some Artificial Breasts

Picture of Get Some Artificial Breasts
The various shopping search sites all have them. I got these on ebay.
You can get them individually, but that seemed wrong. So I ordered a pair.

The box says:
"BREAST ENHANCERS
Finally a fuller figure that feels
and looks as natural as
your own breasts.
One size fits all."


They look a bit odd. Sort of a very thin plastic bag containing a soft heavy breast-shaped rubber thing. I don't think the plastic is intended to be removed. The syntho-ectoplasm inside is probably more toxic than "happy fun ball". The nipple is the same color as the rest of the unit.

But they feel a whole lot more natural "than my own breasts", which are a pair of manly pects.
After they've warmed up it's kind of spooky.

Notice the example of cleavage on the package. It appears to have been drawn with a pencil. These must have been manufactured in a country where real cleavage is absent or illegal.

Step 2: Color in the Nipples

Picture of Color in the Nipples
They leave the nipples blank so you can customize them.
I chose "sharpie brown" for mine, which turned out well.

I considered trying to make the IBM "Trackpoint" red dot thing on the keyboard into the nipple, but couldn't figure out a good way to do that. According to wikipedia some people call that a "keyboard nipple".

Speaking of nipples, have you ever wondered why men have them? Or if those male nipples are good for anything? Well, it turns out that if a baby attempts to nurse on a man, eventually [http://web.archive.org/web/20040612183349/http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_700634.html he may produce milk.] That ability may have been selected for during an extinction event that nearly wiped out our species. Evidence of a recent near-extinction event includes our extreme lack of genetic diversity compared to other large mammals.
During the terrible conditions that caused near-extinction, the ability to nurse on a male may have saved the life of one of our infant ancestors.

And why are we called mammals? Because we have breasts and they are very important to us.
We've got all sorts breast-related abilities and instincts. For instance, a newborn baby, without any assistance, will find the mother's breast and start nursing, even if the mother is unconscious.

Step 3: Enhance Your Mouse

Picture of Enhance Your Mouse
Install it on top of a mouse. Not much to it, pretty much the same procedure as putting them over a real breast. There's a concavity on the underside of the "enhancer" that's just about the right size for the mouse, so it pretty much wants to stay put.

If you're going to be doing radical maneuvers with your mouse you could glue the enhancer on with superglue.

As you can see, I've cut away the shell of my optical mouse so the LED of the sensor could shine out. It gives the breast mouse a warm glow.

Howabout a "Breast 2.0" compatible name to set it apart from breasts and mice that have gone before? Howabout "the breasticulator"?

Step 4: Enhanced Mouse Use

Picture of Enhanced Mouse Use
Let your amazing new human interface device inspire you.
Mouse up a Cistine chapel of spreadsheets and databases.

It doesn't matter if it's a one-button mouse or multiple buttons as long as the buttons are big enough.
To operate a mouse button, Just press on the right place on the breast, and the button gets pushed underneath. It works great. I'm doing it now.

If you're susceptible to carpal-tunnel syndrome, use the extra enhancer as a wrist rest.

Step 5: Other Uses

Picture of Other Uses
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The small hats on Saturdays crowd will love this new style!!
Modeled by a famous cartoonist and by yours truly.

Other uses abound!

Add a thermostatic heater to keep it at exactly body temperature. Add a solenoid to give it a heartbeat-like pulse. I bet programmers that use such a mouse would be much less like monkeys raised by chickenwire.
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ilpug3 years ago
Okay, so you are weird. Not a bad thing. So am I. keep up the good work.
freeza363 years ago
why????
5STARGBLOOD4 years ago
wat brand r those
ANDY!5 years ago
aquward...
...spelling?
awkward...
SilverVixen4 years ago
How would you use the scroll-wheel once the "breast" is in place? Or do you just have to do it the old fashioned way and use the bar on the side of the window? :p
mikee83045 years ago
i have the same laptop
BoeroBoy5 years ago
I think this project should be swapped with Star's hand shifter knob. :-)
what a way to get fired i once thought if i think about breast to long the government will confiscate my mind for "classified uses"
RC-07206 years ago
you, laddie, are someone who I probably will have to keep an eye on. I'll be watching you...
tim, i have 3 simple words for you... you. are. weird!
crapflinger6 years ago
.....the nipple is weird...i think your boobie has a melanoma
I would just like to say for the record that not all nipples are pink. ;)
Good to know...... Why did we have to know that?
Just like people.
Really? ;}
of course their not...but most aren't crunchy looking....could just be the picture...but the one on that fake boob looks like it's got burnt cornflakes on it
looks like a yarmulkah
That is exactly what i though! =P
pls6 years ago
Very, uhh, Unique!
lol I want one! haha
wow, you have way too much time on your hands....

but nice instructable... yumm...
applestone6 years ago
what is most amazing about this instructable is that you are putting the breast over that same hacked up mouse that you bought in '04
lennyb6 years ago
lol this is funny. i bet breast mouse was a second choice for names.
after?
family website. but it starts with t and ends with it too.
*snickers* lol
Hoopajoo lennyb6 years ago
LOL! Too funny. What's hillarous is that a t*tmouse isn't even a mouse at all:

The Wikipedia listing
bustedit6 years ago
i did a similar thing to a joystick, once...similar but different. too distracting to get any work done.
keydogstony6 years ago
You can buy these on eBay.
TimAnderson (author)  keydogstony6 years ago
That's where I got this pair. I found some in a parking lot once. It took a while to figure out what they were. That's how I found out they existed.
I found some in a parking lot once.
I bet there is a fascinating story behind that!
I actually saw a Boob Mouse on eBay already made. But I can't find it now. All I see are Boob Mouse pads. Wonder where they went. They looked just like this.
jakee1176 years ago
lolz
Doctor What6 years ago
Sweet! You might want to mention the "squishy breast" instructable on here. It shows how to make your own breasts, if you are a woman. If not, either your girlfriends.... or your mothers... bwa ha ha
codongolev6 years ago
SICKSICKSICKSICKSICKSICKSICKSICKSICK!
Yes, but MY kind of sick! Hey , Tim! In that last picture we can see just what you have on YOUR mind.
PKM Hoopajoo6 years ago
we can see just what you have on YOUR mind.
*rimshot*

Can I formally request a photo of the backlit breast mouse in the dark?
I don't want to know what you did to the little mouse-joystick thing in the middle of your laptop keyboard...
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