Note: This was only tested on Windows XP.
Disclaimer: This will not harm your computer in any way.
Addendum: Pressing the shift key 5 times turns on stickykeys.
Extra: See Appendix A.
Step 1: Turn That Frown Upside Down!
1) Right click somewhere on your desktop. (Not on an icon)
2) Select Graphics Options, then select rotation, and, finally, select 180 degrees.
Step 2: Mouse Trouble
2) Check the box that says: Switch primary and secondary buttons. This will make the left mouse button act like the right one and vice versa.
3) At the top, select "Pointer Options"
4) Move the indicator all the way to the left. This slows down the mouse.
5) Go to "Wheel" (at the top) and set the number of lines to scroll with one click to 100 (or high as it will go).
Step 3: Last and Most Definitely Least...
2) Select "Screensaver"
3) Set the wait time to as low as possible. This can become very annoying after a while.
Now you have successfully reduced prodictivity to zero.
(Go to step 5 for extra information. I like wild goose chases, don't you?)