I am a man. Scheduling time out with my wife is not something that comes naturally for me. To make it easier, I have created a system to help me remember why scheduling "date night" is so important.
The supply list for this system consists of just three simple, easy to find items. In fact, you probably already have them.
- A large, twelve-month wall calendar.
- A large box of condoms. Perhaps it might be a box of large condoms. Even better would be a large box of large condoms!
See that box for February 14? Take a thumbtack and pin a condom in it. That will remind you that Valentines Day is a "date night." Do you have difficulty remembering her birthday. Stick a condom in that box and you won't forget it this year. Anniversary? Mother's Day? Yep, stick a condom on each one and you are golden. Continue on in this manner until you have covered all of HER special days.
Here is where this starts to get sneaky! It is now time to get to work on YOUR special days! Do you have a regularly scheduled poker night out with the guys? Stick a condom on the calendar the proceeding night and take care of your special lady so she let's you take care of lady luck! Want to have the gang over for a Super Bowl party? A condom on the calendar a couple nights beforehand and your team just might score a touchdown! Do you get caught up in the World Series? If so, a condom or two and you may be rounding the bases. Do you suffer from March Madness? Well, the point spread isn't the only thing you should be spreading, if you know what I mean!
When you have added all of your dates, there is one final step to do: neglect this step and all of your hard work could be laid (pun intended) waste. Step back from you Condom Keeper Calendar and take note of the condom distribution. Are they spread evenly throughout the year or are they congregated around the college bowl season, playoff games, the Baywatch marathon weekend, and the like? If the latter, then your wife may catch on to your game. Stick up a few extra condoms randomly to throw her off.
To use the system, look at your calendar each morning as soon as you get out of bed. If there is a condom on the calendar, then it's date night and you have all day to scrape something together for that night. Take the condom from the calendar as a reminder of why date night is important. Finally, a date book designed for the way men think!
Come what may, you will be ready.
That about wraps it up. Chindogu.