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Maybe some people are perfect.

Completely.

In my opinion, we all have issues, in my case, an eating disorder and other self-defeating behaviors. I had to nearly lose everything before I was willing to seek treatment. Now, years later, I still find it nearly impossible to believe that one day I will wake-up and E.D. will be gone. A forgotten memory.

However, I have learned how to better cope with this demon so to speak. I am sharing with you some of the lessons from my recovery program, not to attempt to replace professional help, but to inform you of some of the techniques you would practice in a professional environment. These life skills seem to be often overlooked or not fully understood. I have compiled my favorites into the following checklist:

Step 1: Feelings Check

"How am I feeling?"

Feelings are not facts, but they are indicators from your subconscious. Your body is trying to tell you something it thinks is important. I like to imagine that I am the center of my body's universe. There are billions and billions of living cells serving me in this life and I am responsible for caring for them.

Are you feeling upset? "HALT(S)" Ask yourself, "Am I Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? Stressed?"

Step 2: Breathing Check

If I'm stressed or otherwise upset, I need to become aware of my breathing.

"I can talk other people off of a ledge, I can do that for myself as well."

A nice deep breath, through the nose if you can, filling the lungs so that it fills all the way. Try to hold for a few seconds. Exhale fully. Repeat a few times and then as needed.

Step 3: Who Is Driving the Bus?

Ask myself, "Whose voice is speaking through my thoughts?"

"I drive my mental bus. I can disagree and disobey with the passengers onboard."

This is your wisemind that part of your brain that allows Us the ability to separate from and observe our thoughts.

This video does a great job of capturing this passengers on a bus analogy.

Step 4: Self-Care

Eat by the clockunless feeling confident enough for intuitive eating but use wisemind.

Should I be hungry? Well, I had breakfast this morning, I did exercise earlier today and it's getting close to noon...time for a snack or meal?

It's easy to forget that our vessels in this existence require maintenance. We have to eat, sleep, and maintain proper hygiene. Self-care means that but more, it means being kind to yourself and taking care of yourself as you would a loved-one.

Step 5: Haters Are Gonna Hate!

In other words, acceptance in that which we cannot change.

"What other people think of me is none of my business."

We can't make other people like us. True, we could try to force them, but in the real world, we simply have to accept that not everyone is going to be compatible with our personality style, even within our own family. Though, we can get along - we can deliver a Solution Sandwich for 'em to chew-on.

Step 6: Stop Beating Myself Up

Stop beating myself up. I don't have to be perfect.

Forgiving ourselves for mistakes we've made can be hard. Much harder for some of us, than for others.


What’s done is done, I cannot change the past. I can accept responsibility for my actions and acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes. I will move forward having learned as much as I can from the experience

Take Responsibility: What am I responsible for?

What am I NOT responsible for?

Acknowledgement: What have I already done to learn from the experience, repair things, and make amends?

Planning Ahead: What, if anything, remains to be done?

Accepting Forgiveness: I have taken responsibility for my actions, acknowledged my mistakes, gained insight from the experience, and have or am working to make things better (amends).

Step 7: Persistence

"I can 'urge-surf' my way through the discomfort."

"What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger."

Urge-surfing is consciously saying "No!" to the thoughts of temptation. Sitting on your hands if that's what it takes.

"Inch by inch, it's a cinch... mile by mile it will take a while." If I make a mistake, I can press the reset button and start again with the knowledge I've gained from making that mistake.

Step 8: Reach-out to Others

Call, email, or at least, text a friend.

It's important to reach-out and let other people know you care, you need them, you appreciate them.


I am not an expert and it would be impossible to deliver everything needed to make the best of these tools. It is my hope that you will have found this information useful enough to pursue professional help if your wisemind is telling you that you need to seek it out.

I too was skeptical.

I promise if you give the process the benefit of your doubt, you will gain insights, skills, and a level of awareness you never thought possible. No, it won’t be easy. You may want to quit because it’s hard to change, but you’re strong so you’ll keep going. You may think, like I did, that treatment only works for some people and you’re not one of them. I assure you that if the process didn’t work, I wouldn’t have written this note to you.

Yours truly, a friend.

More from me @ disagreedisobey

<p><b style="">Be Your Own Advocate! </b>You are the only person who can truly represent your best interests. Many people are trustworthy but don't trust everyone.</p>
<p>thankyou so much this was just what I needed</p>
<p>Thank you for sharing this list. It's very helpful. I hope that more people will share.</p>
<p>You are brave. Thank you for sharing part of your story with us and for this helpful guide for how to start feeling better. I perform the feeling checks regularly and find it very helpful to name the feelings I'm having. I spend too much time in my emotional mind and need to get better at using my wise mind! Thank you for sharing this. </p>
<p>I appreciate knowing that my sharing is helping others, so your comment means a lot to me. I am all too familiar with my emotional mind as well :-) Acknowledging and labeling what we are feeling and then asking ourselves, &quot;<em><strong>why am I feeling this way?</strong></em>&quot; starts the mental conversation that allows us to dig deeper so we can find out what the root of the problem. Maybe one of the <em>passengers on our bus </em>is being loud and unruly? Personally, the loudest voices on my bus are that of my family with a distorted twist of being even more critical than the real people would be. Practice makes permanent :-)</p>
<p>I like this exchange, and every one of your 8 steps. Thanks for introducing this new neural connection to my line of thought :)</p>
<p>Thank you for letting me know. I've often thought about publishing an e-book on my experience with the recovery process. It's challenging to get myself to do it because I'm immersing myself in my mental bus and sharing a lot of myself with strangers. My motivation for helping others who are struggling and stuck, like I was, is that not everyone is as fortunate to have the loving support of a partner, family, or friends to help them survive the process. It took me several tries before I found the right time, place, and people to help me recover.</p><p>Thanks again for taking a moment to let me know what I have shared helps. I wish you the best, Cory</p>
<p>Practice does make permanent :)</p>
<br>Readers who want more detailed instructions on these DBT skills should do a basic search for Dialectical Behavior Therapy created by Marsha Linehan. Work each chapter thru and PRACTICE the skills. Yes, they can be life-saving!
<p>Another great job!</p>
Deep
<p>The deepest. :-)</p>
Thank you. Great info that many could learn to apply to there lives to make many more happily functioning relationships. All should read and learn.
<p>More from me @ <a href="https://disagreedisobey.wordpress.com/">https://disagreedisobey.wordpress.com/</a></p>
<p>This one is for my nephews. I love you both!</p>

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Bio: I have a degree in Electronics Engineering and various certifications in all kinds of internet programming languages. Professionally, I have over 20 years of experience ... More »
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