Most recently we had a challenge from Three Rings, a virtual environment gaming company from just down the block. We recently took care of that threat and created this instructable as we went along.
Here's a warning video for all those who think of talking smack. Yeah, that's right, you better shush.
Step 1: Scope Out Your Target
This is part of why we had to attack.
Getting in was the tough part, but we had a connection on the inside. Annie is a soft hearted and trusting lady, so when we asked her if we could visit she had no idea what was about to go down.
Step 2: Devise a Gameplan
The general who wins the battle makes many calculations in his temple before the battle is fought. The general who loses makes but few calculations beforehand.
So, after much serious deliberation, we split tasks as follows:
- Weapons Creation
- Banner Fabrication
- Pirate Hat Fold-ation
- Make-up and Body Decoration
Step 3: Hoist Your Own Jolly Rogers
Step 4: Create Implements of Destruction
First select the weapon you wish to emulate:
- X-acto of Doom
- Power Strip of Doom
- What else about the office scares you (and then add 'of Doom' for intimidation)?
Cover the whole thing in aluminum foil for shininess.
You will also need to have people "walk the plank."
In the event of victory, you must find a suitable plank for your enemies to walk upon. Grab a piece of plywood wide enough for walking and long enough so that dramatic music can play for a bit while the enemy walks.
There might be confusion as to what this is. To clear up any lingering doubt, write "THE PLANK" on the plank. Unfortunately our plank was lost overboard during the attack but it's visible briefly in the video.
Step 5: One Eye Maximum
To make an eye patch cut out a thin piece of cardboard roughly 1 1/2" in diameterrrr (we used the cardboard from a pizza box).
Next, cut out a 3" square piece of black fabric (for this we used the inside lining of a suitcase).
Wrap the fabric around the cardboard and with a hot glue gun, attach all the excess to the back of the eye patch such that the front is covered evenly with black fabric.
Take a 2' length of black string and wrap it around your head (we used black leather).
Estimate where the eye patch should attach to this piece of string and remove the string from your head. Hot glue the eye patch to the string in the position you took note of.
Wait for it to dry and then wear.
Warning: Do not poke out either eye for authenticity.
Step 6: Protective Headgear
Step 7: Decorate to Intimidate
- Smear charcoal on your face to give yourself that dirty pirate look
- Wear eyeliner, the sharp contrast between your eyeball and your dark skin will create a striking gaze
- Tattoos are scary if they're of scary things. Try skulls and daggers.
Step 8: Attack!
This should come instinctively. You're ready, go forth and do what your heart tells you is right...