Instructables

How to make meatshorts for Dick Cheney.........or your friends

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Picture of How to make meatshorts for Dick Cheney.........or your friends
Step by step instructions on how to make shorts made of meat - simple, stylish and pungent!
 
 
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Step 1: Check your equipment

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Do you have a dehydrator or access to one? If so, you can make your own jerky. You can make very large cuts that will cover more area on your fancy shorts. There's also more marbling, which means it'll be chunkier and more colorful. Chunks are good for aesthetics. If you don't have a dehydrator, go out and buy a bunch of jerky and skip to step number 5. If you're buying jerky, get the least flavored type you can find, it'll stick better.

Step 2: Buy some meat

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Vanessa and I opted for skirt steak, which is cheap and pretty thin. The butcher was also kind enough to give us some FREE meat for our project. Everybody loves free meat.

Step 3: Bring home your meat

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Bring home your meat, and slice it as thin as you can get it. We tried to slice the skirt steak in half , which worked sometimes. Ultimately, you don't want it any thicker than 1/4 inch, so do whatever you can without slicing your fingers off to get it thin. Large pieces look great on the shorts, so keep that in mind while you're slicing.

Step 4: Dehydrate

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Put your meat in the dehydrator and turn it on. Wait patiently for two whole days. Read the directions for your dehydrator - you will probably need to rotate the trays every so often during this two day stretch. Also, check your meat! Some dried much faster than others, and it's easier to work with if it's a little bit soft.

Step 5: Buy some shorts

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Buy some shorts. We were looking for red (Dick Cheney's favorite color), but Goodwill only had brown in the size we needed. Brown ended up looking pretty nice, though. You can obviously choose whatever color you'd like.

Step 6: Buy some more stuff

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Buy some Goop for gluing. You will need at least two tubes. More if you decide to make meat knickers, less if you're opting for meat hot pants...you get the picture. For sewing, buy some embroidery thread or string in a color you like. We used two different colors for some contrast.
Pick up a large needle also - an upholstery needle worked well. A thimble would also be handy, but not entirely necessary. Take note of subtle product placement.

Step 7: Start gluing!

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Gather all your meat short making goods in a pile far away from pets and ants, and start working. Lay out the shorts and position the meat as you see fit, then glue it down with some goop.

Step 9: Flip the shorts

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Flip your shorts and do the other side. The meat looks especially nice positioned in pockets and framing the buttocks.

Step 11: Check your meat

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Check your meat to make sure it's stuck. The store-bought jerky is a lot oilier than the homemade stuff, so don't expect it to stick too well.

Step 12: Sew on your meat

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Sew on your meat. We tried to do at least two stitches on each piece for extra staying power. Hand-sewing always takes a while, so settle in and enjoy it. After all, how often do you get to fondle jerky? Get creative with the stitching if you've got the time.

Step 13: You're finished!

Be prepared, they'll be heavy, and quite ripe. A wonderful gift for any occasion (especially for Dick Cheney). This particular pair were made as a birthday gift for our dear friend and super rocker, Buck.

Step 15: Care instructions

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Dry clean only
Avoid dog parks and ants

This was a Psycho Girlfriend project www.yourpsychogirlfriend.com
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RyuuKasai5 years ago
Meat shorts = awesome.
rupamagic6 years ago
Your meatshorts inspire and enlighten. And bring back memories of this game I used to play semi-obsessively for a while. If you are not familiar, you should be. It's all about the meat. You can get a meat car, a meat tree, and the currency is meat. Go play it now, and tell me what you think.
http://www.kingdomofloathing.com

I think a meat bikini would be super sexy. Perhaps a meat powersuit for the classier ladies. The possibilities are limitless.
DBarr rupamagic6 years ago
AND the bedroom games would be delightful for us carnivores.
Probably best off sticking to chocolate etc... Meat is a bad idea being meat and all... Things that make bad underwear on killerjackalope's list - Peanut butter (smooth) - Squirty Cream (proper whipped works just fine) - Most sauces... - Fire - Chainmail (not my decision, but I had little hand in choosing at the time) - Molded glass (part of an elaborate prank) - Cardboard (again part of another elaborate prank)
Are we to gather that this list should actually be titled:
"Things that MADE bad underwear on killerjackalope's list"?
Umm mostly, the most sauces bit is more of an assumption, the fire was joke went very bad, the hair on my thighs is still growing back, thankfully elastic boxers stopped the vitals being hit... I'd rather not talk about a few of them... painful experiences, especially the glass, too tight a fit...
What! No one's come up with "Eat my shorts" yet? I guess Bart-isms are so 20 years ago. Speaking of things 20 years ago, I can remember a big stink (literally) about a meat dress installation at the National Gallery of Canada. The steak used in it was not jerkified, so it got pretty nasty, pretty quick. This was part of the intent of the piece, though I'm not quite sure what that was. Nice Instructable, by the way.
Hmmm seeing as how I support Dick Cheney, and that you thought it was necessary to flip people off for no apparent reason, I find this quite repulsive, vulgar, and unfit for this website.
Kasey (author)  Brandon1212337 years ago
Thank you for your critique. Seeing that these are a very thoughtful gift for Dick Cheney and that our friend decided to give the cameraman the bird (not you), I find this fit for this website. For what it's worth, I decided to make these meatshorts for our dear pal, Dick Cheney, after eight guys in my brother's task force in Iraq died after a routine chopper mission went awry. Why don't ya go eat some puddin', simmer down and talk to someone else about why you support Dick Cheney.
Or you could cut the flippant attitude, and decide not to post vulgar images.
Kasey (author)  Brandon1212337 years ago
Nah, I do what I want. It's called free speech, bucko.
Nah.Freedom of speech is limited when it interferes with my rights, take a lesson from the FCC-bucko
How is Kasey's freedom of speech infringing upon your rights?
My right to read an instructable and not be randomly flipped off. Try that one on for size honey =]
I don't see that one in the Bill of Rights anywhere.

I'm so sick of people yelling about their "rights": "I have a right to drive down the street and not see advertisements featuring offensive content!" "I have a right to look at the internet and not see things that bother me!" "I have a right to walk into a movie theatre without screaming children!"

We may all WANT these things, but they are not guaranteed as rights by the Constitution or the Bill of Rights. There is no law that states we have a right to be protected from *being upset* by shit we see or hear. If we choose to get upset, righteously indignant, even outraged by things life presents, well, that's our own damn problem.

I can see the merit in the issue with the guy flipping off the photographer, because I think this website probably has a policy that would limit vulgar gestures in images that appear on the site; but I don't think you're really pissed about that. I think you're pissed because you happen to support Dick Cheney. [shrug]

Maybe you could make the meat shorts and send them to a political figure *you* happened to dislike. They're versatile like that.
Obviously someone didn't pass their US Government class in high school... And why exactly again do YOU dislike Dick Cheney, what did he do to you? Hmmm
This isn't really about personal attacks, it's about what we think about Kasey's meat shorts. I think they are funny. You don't. Whatever. I won't grab my National Merit Scholar certificate from high school AP history class, or my subsequent degree from UCLA, to wave in your face to rise to your flame-bait there, Brandon. ;) I won't even begin to elaborate on my political position on a website designed to help people make stuff.
You think because you can take an AP HISTORY class (not govt by the way) that that bestows upon you the title of being smart and well versed in politics? O000oooo and a degree from UCLA, wow VERY impressive. And I could care less what anyones political position is... just as long as respect is given to our nations leaders.
And you are very right, this website is about teaching people how to make stuff... however this instructable has lots of frivolous material mixed into the instructable, if you want to write an instructable on meat shorts GREAT, I'm glad people have that much free time... but if one wants to make fun of people, post vulgar images, and comment on pictures of guys in spandex- that should go on some forum aimed in that direction.
Mea culpa--I obviously can be baited like a bulldog when it comes to my education. I'm quite happy with my degree.

I'm trying to understand your beef (no pun intended) with this particular instructable, and I think this comment from you here clears it up for me. Am I right in understanding that (a) you feel this instructable is disrespectful to "our nation's leaders" and (b) you feel it is frivolous...?

Hmm. I think the whole thing is supposed to be disrespectful. I think Kasey has lost respect for our nation's leaders. She's entitled to her opinion. So are you, not incidentally. The two of you disagree on whether Cheney deserves meat shorts. What I'd like to know, is who *wouldn't* WANT meat shorts?! They're hilarious!

The whole frivolity issue is a slippery slope. Looking at the finalists in the laser cutter contest, I see many items that could be termed "frivolous." This whole website would be pretty boring, or would lack appeal to non-tech-heads like myself, without things like volcano cakes, kinetic sculptures and "cocktail arcade cabinets."

Speaking of frivolous, our whole back-and-forth here is quite a bit of that. This is boiling down to differing political stances and being mutually riled up. You're welcome to e-mail me and we can continue pitching e-rocks back and forth at one another. michele_saturn(at)yahoo(dot)com.

FWIW, your robot is interesting.

Not as interesting as a compubeaver, though. ;)
This will be my last post here... I realize that people are entitled to their own opinions- I am more than fine with that, I would just prefer that instructables stay instructables, and political jokes/comments, profanity, and pics of the Hoff, stay separated. I'm sorry if I came off as rude at first, I just have a thing about people making fun of Bush and Cheney when its not necessary. Thats all, hope we can be friends in the future...
Of course, sweetie. I totally understand what you're saying, too. Thanks for clarifying. :)

Of course, I really should put up or shut up: I haven't even created my first instructable. When I do, I will likely steer clear of political commentary within it, so as to avoid you ranting in my comment thread. ;)

That said, opinionated people are always, without exception, far more interesting than those who don't give a rat's ass. Vive la difference.
This is weird. How bout both of you shut up and remove your comments so MY rights aren't infringed. Send emails or talk on the phone if you want to argue. I don't like it being done in front of my face.
............. ........... .......... Random ........ Useless ...... Thread ..... Space But anyways I don't understand the argument...if you feel so offended by someone giving the cameraman the bird...then press the little X in the top right hand corner. If you don't have one of those, press Ctrl-Alt-Del. And if you don't have those...then go ahead and shoot yourself
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OH NO I DIDN'T! ;D
your maturity level is off the charts
you can't say that! Hippies are an endagnered species, a dying breed! *snicker*
btw, of course I took a government class. :)

and I reiterate that we have no "right," legally, that protects us from offensive content on the Internet. I admit to not knowing as much about the FCC as I should, but I don't think the Federal Communications Commission regulates the internet.

[checks]

Nope, it doesn't. http://www.fcc.gov/aboutus.html
So I don't know that we can "take a lesson" from it here, in this case.

Honey.
Chill out, its not illegal! ever heard of internet neutrality
being a reptillian alien with split pupils is a bad thing in my book
Wow. Just wow. Why didn't I find this in time for Halloween, when a friend of mine wanted to be Meatwad for Halloween? He thought about covering a suit in hamburger, but this is, well, hygienic for one.
Nerdigirl7 years ago
You're awesome. I love your meat shorts. Do they come in vegetarian flavors? Could I make my own, perhaps, with some fake meat jerky? I suppose it wouldn't be quite the same...*sighs sadly and contemplates abandoning vegetarianism in favor of meat-shorts-wearingism*
That would be a worthy exception to vegetarianism. I know someone who is vegan except for Dunkin' Donuts, and another who is veggie except for very occasional bacon, so vegetarian except for meat shorts would definitely have precedent. In fact, so long as you don't eat your shorts it's no different than wearing leather.
nomeL6 years ago
These shorts are full of win.
SacTownSue7 years ago
I think I sat next to these shorts on the bus. They were marinated in beer weren't they? Washing them is a bad idea. Soft meat, not so good. Definitely original. Wins the Political category. This is a perfect gift for the Commander-in-Chiefs, dicketal, they've been giving it to us in the shorts for all these years. The jerkies... See you in the GitMo. when I first saw this I thought, "I don't know, some of the guys on this site..." Shows how much I know. Live long and prosper.
Kasey (author)  SacTownSue7 years ago
Thanks for the swell comments. In response to your question, inadvertent beer marinading may have taken place that night. I can't remember ;) Cheers to you :)
Late, but here is a bacon eyepatch.
C:\Documents and Settings\Clay\My Documents\My Pictures\nick-2.jpg
Kasey (author)  Garth Knight7 years ago
That's just plain beautiful, and *very* handy for snacking! Thank you :)
Hiking with meat attached all over yourself... The bears would be laughing their a$$e$ off as they ate you. I love this idea. (the pants, -not the bears eating you) For practice I am making a pirate eye patch. (actually, the bears would be funny too)
Kasey (author)  Garth Knight7 years ago
Please, please make a pirate eye patch. Everybody loves pirates, even Dick Cheney!
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