Fire Crackers - No Matches Needed

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Introduction: Fire Crackers - No Matches Needed

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Are you sick of popcorn for movie night? Are peanuts banned for poker night? Want a good crunch for something besides a carrot? Need a spicy hot taste without eating jalapeno potato chips?

Let me introduce you to the greatest crackers you will ever eat. The best part is that there is a good chance you already have all the ingredients, or can get them quickly without breaking the bank.

Step 1: Ingredients - All 5 of Them

This is the second best part. There are only 5 ingredients.

1. 1lb unsalted saltine crackers. 1lbs is a box of 4 sleeves.

Take my word for it and get unsalted. The flavors of this whole "dish" are much better when you don't feel like you just licked a salt brick.

2. 1 cup canola oil

3. 1 packet powdered ranch dressing mix. 1 oz is a packet in case you have a vat of ranch dressing mix.

4. 2 tblsp crushed red pepper flakes

Yes, 2 tablespoons, not a typo. This is not a dish for the weak. Add more if you dare.

5. 1/2 tsp garlic powder

Step 2: Tupperware

Ok here is the hardest step (at least for me...), you have to find a suitable plastic container. Start searching all the food storage containers, Tupperware, Rubbermaid and zip lock tubs you have in your kitchen. You are looking for a short container that can hold as many crackers as possible, in a sealed location. A good lid/seal is important since it will get flipped over. Ideally this container will hold all 4 sleeves, but I have used 2 containers, so don't worry if you have to split it up.

The plan here is to line up the crackers on edge so they are loosely siting like they would in the sleeve and when the container has the lid on and is flipped over, all the crackers stay in place.

After selecting the correct vessel, take the crackers out of the sleeves and line them up in the container(s). See the picture for more help. Don't stack up, only 1 level.

Step 3: Mix It Up

Take out a bowl, measuring cup, large mug or whatever you have and pour all the ingredience (except the crackers) into the liquid holding device and stir.

1 cup canola oil

1 packet (1 oz) powdered ranch dressing mix.

2 tblsp crushed red pepper flakes

1/2 tsp garlic powder

Step 4: Pour

Keep stirring. When you stop the ingredients settle in the bottom and it won't pour as nicely. So as you stir, pour the mixture over the crackers. Make sure to get the crackers in the corners and on the edges.

If you were not able to get all the crackers into one container, than with a little math you can tell how much of the mixture to pour in each container.

4 sleeves = all the mixture

3 sleeves = 3/4 the cup

2 sleeves = half the mixture

1 sleeve = 1/4 the cup.

After you have run out of mixture, put the lid on the container(s) tight. Than flip the container(s) over. Every 5 minutes or so, flip the container over again. Again, and again for around 20 minutes. When your patience has run out, and you don't see liquid running down the sides of the container when you flip it over, you're done.

Step 5: It Burns So Good!

Supposedly, you can put leftovers in a zip lock bag, seal air tight, and they last about a week or so. I have never experienced this phenomena. At best, I made some in the evening and there were left overs the next morning, but not when I got off work that afternoon. They're surprisingly addictive...

A word to the wise and a disclaimer from a friend: "As temping as this is, do not, I repeat DO NOT, eat all 4 sleeves yourself in one sitting". No matter how good the movie is, all you will remember is the stomach pain in the morning.

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35 Comments

Dang. I thought you were might gonna bake them for a bit just for the heck of it. I guess no need :D I might though - so I can melt the cheese. Oh, none listed? I guess that's ingredient #6 on my list ;) Nice!

@Steen:

JohnC430

Don't blame your mother. you can still catch up in the local community college. I loved Chemistry and got almost 100% in every exam. it is a really fun subject. you will enjoy it.

These are delicious, and I thought you might like to know how they are a few days later. I was the only one eating them, and I wasn't going to make it through a POUND of crackers in a day or two! So I put the sealed plastic container in which I'd mixed them in the fridge. After a couple of days, the crackers are, surprisingly, still crispy, but a lot of the flavor seems to have dissipated. I'm not sure how/why that happens, but they were less tangy and a bit less hot after a couple of days. Still delicious, still great with soup, but my recommendation is definitely eat them ASAP.

Great to know. I am sure someday I will have leftovers for more than a few hours. :-) Interesting that there is such a flavor change. I may have to squirrel a few away next time just to test. Glad they stay crisp.

A very fun cooking project without cooking.

I can't agree more with your tip of not eating the whole 4 sleeves in one sitting=drinking 1 cup of oil in one sitting, not to mention other ingredients.

Glad you love the instructable. I had fun writing it. never thought about this before, but would be a great introduction to the kitchen for kids. your right. great cooking, without Rick of getting burned "cooking"

What's the end product like? Do the crackers not go soggy?

They can't go soggy, because there is no moisture -- no H2o-- in the liquid. You only used oil.
Chemistry! :)

I never studied Chemistry - scared off it by my mother who said It Was Hard. Ergo, I have a hole in my head where the Chemistry stuff would be.

Oh man, that's a shame. She's right for some of it, but so much chemistry is stuff you do every day...
If you cook-- you are doing chemistry.
(and if you want to read some good explanations, see if you can find a copy of "The Joy Of Cooking" 5th edition-- the chapter called "The foods we heat" was my introduction to chemistry in a lot of ways)