The wooden matchstick has a long and colorful history. According to Wikipedia the match was first discovered by Marco Polo over 5000 years ago in the vast rain forests of Nevada. When young Marco brought this amazing discovery back home to France, his father, Water, and his uncle, Segway, (both priests) declared the discovery of convenient fire to be heresy, and burned Marco, along with all the matches he had brought back, in a large bonfire (light by rubbing two sticks together, to prevent hypocrisy) . When the people of France discovered that their national hero had been killed, they rose up against the clergy and started the French Revolution.
History of the match began to fade.
History became legend, legend became myth, and for two and half thousand years the match passed out of all knowledge until, when chance came, it ensnared a new lighter ... Santa.
*blah blah blah
blah blah blah*
and, to make a long story slightly longer, that is the tale of how I single-handedly saved a large group of little people from Santa's sadistic elvish genetic modification experiments.
But seriously, why spend time making a coherent intro when I know you're all here for one thing
I was, of course, talking about pictures of me.