Grow a Beard. Why, Where, How?





Introduction: Grow a Beard. Why, Where, How?

Beards are cool, Beards are ace, Grow a Beard on Your Face.
Whether you see them as a sign of virility or just the mark of a shoddy looking hobo DoomMeister thinks beards are ace. This is an instructable for those wishing to grow an indispensable piece of face furniture.

It was inspired by a cool shop assistant who wanted to know how long the DoomMeister had been growing his beard. The answer to which is a little longer today than yesterday.

Edit 26/06/08
More inspiration was definitely had from this gentleman's quest to grow all the types of beard he can.

And lest we forget beard growing is also a competitive sport.

Step 1: For Once in Your Life Be a Man

Sorry girls this instructable is not for you, except the East German female athletes and circus performers amongst you that is.

So you must be a man, If you you are not already of this gender I cannot help you. Indeed it would not be my counsel for you to try DoomMeister would very much prefer that women would remain that way, and preferably beardless too.

To be a man one of your two X chromosomes must be broken ,scientists call it a Y chromosome. Don't worry the broken bit doesn't contain any useful genetic matter, according to scientists of the male persuasion the genes for knowing how to use curling tongs, playing with dolls, liking pink things and suchlike. Female scientist offer alternate theorys suggesting that the genes for such thinks as empathy and being able to put the toilet seat down after yourself are contained here.

Here is an article explaining how to be born a man

Step 2: Burn Your Razor

And loose the razor burn.

Now for the knitty gritty
1)STOP SHAVING, be honest you never liked it any way did you.
2)After a few days you may be experiencing beard itch, soothing balms such as Aloe Vera may be applied during this time, although people might have to question your manliness. The itch will subside after a few more days.
3)Grow your bead for at least three weeks before trimming it, that is if you want to trim it. Many among us may wish to grow beards of such awesome magnitude that they make ZZ Top feel jealous.

Step 3: Style Counsel

There are many great styles of beard, if you are not growing your beard to hide your ugly features then you may wish to try a number of styles in order to find that which suits you best. DoomMeisters advice would be to start with a full face beard of some variety and then trim it down to another style if you find it does not suite.

Some of DoomMeisters favourite styles include the full beard, the evil villain goatee, the Zappa and the petit goatee.

Step 4: Tips on Growing Your Beard

Be more manly, take up manly pursuits such as ale drinking, darts, pipe smoking, pugilism, and erm competitive wind breaking. By surrounding your self in the manly arts you will undoubtedly become more manly and thus be able to grow a better beard.

You may also like to take up a beard freindy job or hobby, this may include Science, Engineering, Painting, and many other worthwhile careers. Other less worthwhile careers or hobbies may include art criticism, journalism, and politics.

Being surrounded by other beardy fellows is also helpful so persuade your friends to grow beards, join a gentleman's club known for its whiskered patrons. If you have a truly impressive growth you may wish to start a beard growing completion in your local area.

Don't shave, it may sound obvious but not shaving certainly makes you beard grow better. Many people are under the impression that shaving thickens ones beard hairs, this is not so it merely makes the ends squarer and thus give the impression that they are thicker. Shaving in fact makes your beard shorter end of story.

If you live in a sunnier clime than the fair isle that the DoomMeister hails from then you may wish to avoid shaving your beard completely off during the summer. Help your chin blend in and avoid showing of your sickly palour crop your beard close for a few weeks before shaving to allow it to blend in with the rest of your tan.

Step 5: Some Kick Ass Beards

In no particular order I hasten to add.

Brian Blessed
Frank Zappa

edit 26/06/08
Walt Whitman
W G Grace
Alfred Lord Tenneson



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    Please be positive and constructive.




    I grew my first beard about a year ago when I turned 15. It drove my girlfriend crazy, but it actually looked pretty good. I have shaved this beard several times in the last year and 8 months, but every time I shave it, all I can think about is growing it back again!!!

     can't say i've ever experienced "beard itch"

     do we need a instructable for this? i grew a beard (which i plan on keeping by the way). all that's really involved is not shaving in certain areas of your face(or all of it).


    3 replies

     I think it's funny, maybe you don't get it.

     no. I don't... Enlighten me, if possible.

     I don't really know. I thought the tone was humorous. I guess if you don't find it funny, you don't. Oh well. :P


    THE COMPANY I WORK FOR MADE ME SHAVE MY GOATEE OFF! I really miss my goatee, and If i ever left the first thing I'd do is quit shaving. Its follicular discrimination!... Hey, think i could get them to make an exception if i told them that?

    I have the evildude beard. I used to pull it into a fork. A lady at church said it made me look like SATAN.

    4 replies

    The proper response for such an comment is: I wasn't aware of that. But then, up til now, I'd not met anyone rude enough to point that out to me.

    She was kidding, but I'll use that line next time someone says something about my beard.

    How did she know? Maybe she was communing with him one a regular basis. Makes horns, retreats to listen to some Heavy Metal, backwards. Muwahahahaaha

    Maybe so. She went COMPLETELY bald, so I don't consider her a folicular expert.

    The Beard Poem See my beard Ain't it weird Don't be sceered It's just my beard

    hey u forgot chuck norris and another thing to be a man u can have two x cromozones look at chuck norris lol had to get those one in great ible

    "A man without a moustache is like a woman with one."-Nick Cave. Or a beard for that matter...

    I have a beard much like the one in the "Facial Hair Types" 3rd row 3rd on right. Is it really called a "Chin Curtain"? I always called it an "Abe" or "Lincoln" am I wrong?

    2 replies

    I'm not sure the image was a out of copyright one I stole from wikipedia. I quite like the name "chin curtain" its very descriptive, but would have to concur about calling it an Abe Lincon if describing such a beard this is what i would call it. Or an Amish beard.

    You made me yell "Damn it!" to my family since people call me Amish all the time. Ah ah ha

    Here's a few more ideas. I first grew my beard around 25 years ago, mainly because I was fed up with shaving every day. Exotic beard styles need too much maintenance for me - Mine's full face, trimmed shortish in summer and a bit longer in winter.
    Never shave off your beard on summer either - you'll have a tanned face and a white chin.