Introduction: Grow a Beard. Why, Where, How?
Beards are cool, Beards are ace, Grow a Beard on Your Face.
Whether you see them as a sign of virility or just the mark of a shoddy looking hobo DoomMeister thinks beards are ace. This is an instructable for those wishing to grow an indispensable piece of face furniture.
It was inspired by a cool shop assistant who wanted to know how long the DoomMeister had been growing his beard. The answer to which is a little longer today than yesterday.
More inspiration was definitely had from this gentleman's quest to grow all the types of beard he can.
And lest we forget beard growing is also a competitive sport.
Step 1: For Once in Your Life Be a Man
Sorry girls this instructable is not for you, except the East German female athletes and circus performers amongst you that is.
So you must be a man, If you you are not already of this gender I cannot help you. Indeed it would not be my counsel for you to try http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_reassignment_therapy. DoomMeister would very much prefer that women would remain that way, and preferably beardless too.
To be a man one of your two X chromosomes must be broken ,scientists call it a Y chromosome. Don't worry the broken bit doesn't contain any useful genetic matter, according to scientists of the male persuasion the genes for knowing how to use curling tongs, playing with dolls, liking pink things and suchlike. Female scientist offer alternate theorys suggesting that the genes for such thinks as empathy and being able to put the toilet seat down after yourself are contained here.
Here is an article explaining how to be born a man http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/XY_sex-determination_system.
Step 2: Burn Your Razor
And loose the razor burn.
Now for the knitty gritty
1)STOP SHAVING, be honest you never liked it any way did you.
2)After a few days you may be experiencing beard itch, soothing balms such as Aloe Vera may be applied during this time, although people might have to question your manliness. The itch will subside after a few more days.
3)Grow your bead for at least three weeks before trimming it, that is if you want to trim it. Many among us may wish to grow beards of such awesome magnitude that they make ZZ Top feel jealous.
Step 3: Style Counsel
There are many great styles of beard, if you are not growing your beard to hide your ugly features then you may wish to try a number of styles in order to find that which suits you best. DoomMeisters advice would be to start with a full face beard of some variety and then trim it down to another style if you find it does not suite.
Some of DoomMeisters favourite styles include the full beard, the evil villain goatee, the Zappa and the petit goatee.
Step 4: Tips on Growing Your Beard
Be more manly, take up manly pursuits such as ale drinking, darts, pipe smoking, pugilism, and erm competitive wind breaking. By surrounding your self in the manly arts you will undoubtedly become more manly and thus be able to grow a better beard.
You may also like to take up a beard freindy job or hobby, this may include Science, Engineering, Painting, and many other worthwhile careers. Other less worthwhile careers or hobbies may include art criticism, journalism, and politics.
Being surrounded by other beardy fellows is also helpful so persuade your friends to grow beards, join a gentleman's club known for its whiskered patrons. If you have a truly impressive growth you may wish to start a beard growing completion in your local area.
Don't shave, it may sound obvious but not shaving certainly makes you beard grow better. Many people are under the impression that shaving thickens ones beard hairs, this is not so it merely makes the ends squarer and thus give the impression that they are thicker. Shaving in fact makes your beard shorter end of story.
If you live in a sunnier clime than the fair isle that the DoomMeister hails from then you may wish to avoid shaving your beard completely off during the summer. Help your chin blend in and avoid showing of your sickly palour crop your beard close for a few weeks before shaving to allow it to blend in with the rest of your tan.