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Step 19How to Talk to Police
The ACLU teaches proper technique.
Here's a typical encounter where I don't use ACLU form, but don't get killed either:
I get pulled over a lot.
Apparently white guys who don't drive new cars are suspicious enough to be checked against THE LIST.
They make up some excuse like a partially obscured license plate, insufficient illumination on it, or a cracked taillight lense.
Then they take my license and go away for a long time to play with the computer in their squad car.
It takes a long time because there are so many of us Tim Andersons. We all look the same and have the same build, even though we aren't related. Some of us are deadbeat dads, some are parole-jumping sex offenders, and some of us are really major fuckups. Some of us are philanthropists and saints, but they don't have a database for that.
Usually the cop gets frustrated by the pages of arrest warrents and can't figure out which one is me. So then they come back with trick questions.
Question: "Who owns this vehicle?"
Answer: "The guy it's registered to. I insure it, he lets me drive it." (it helps to know his name and have a current registration with you.)
If the car is uninsured or unregistered, say you're transporting it during the 60-day grace period allowed by your home state and you're about to drive it there, and it's covered by your dad's (boat's/blanket's) insurance in the meantime.
Question: "Where do you live?"
Answer: "Same as my license". (it's better to know it well enough to just say the address.)
Question: "How long have you been in the state?"
Answer: "A couple of weeks."
If you've been through a few of these sessions your papers will be straight enough and you come off as the sort of hardened weasel that won't fall for their little games, and they let you go with a warning and mark your file with an "X-Ray number" (in CA anyhow) as someone who's been stopped, they couldn't figure out what you're up to, but they'd like to bust you for it.
Question: "Two weeks, huh, why do you have a CA toll-pass, pay stubs from a local job, etc. etc.
etc. etc. etc. etc."
Answer: "I come and go a lot. I have boats/cars/holsteins registered in another state, my income comes from another state. What's your residence test? Can I vote here?"
The cop doesn't know anything about voting. She thinks I came to her suburb to steal catalytic converters off cars. She's really cute and obviously likes guns, which is hot, but things haven't gotten off on the right foot. I'm tempted to ask to file police reports against Cheney and Rumsfeld for kidnapping, torture, mass murder, and lying to congress. She hands me my license back and a reciept for something, and I put both of them in the glove compartment.
(image source: Roanoke pd)
So then the next day at the airport my license isn't with me.
What happens then? Read on.
Here's a typical encounter where I don't use ACLU form, but don't get killed either:
I get pulled over a lot.
Apparently white guys who don't drive new cars are suspicious enough to be checked against THE LIST.
They make up some excuse like a partially obscured license plate, insufficient illumination on it, or a cracked taillight lense.
Then they take my license and go away for a long time to play with the computer in their squad car.
It takes a long time because there are so many of us Tim Andersons. We all look the same and have the same build, even though we aren't related. Some of us are deadbeat dads, some are parole-jumping sex offenders, and some of us are really major fuckups. Some of us are philanthropists and saints, but they don't have a database for that.
Usually the cop gets frustrated by the pages of arrest warrents and can't figure out which one is me. So then they come back with trick questions.
Question: "Who owns this vehicle?"
Answer: "The guy it's registered to. I insure it, he lets me drive it." (it helps to know his name and have a current registration with you.)
If the car is uninsured or unregistered, say you're transporting it during the 60-day grace period allowed by your home state and you're about to drive it there, and it's covered by your dad's (boat's/blanket's) insurance in the meantime.
Question: "Where do you live?"
Answer: "Same as my license". (it's better to know it well enough to just say the address.)
Question: "How long have you been in the state?"
Answer: "A couple of weeks."
If you've been through a few of these sessions your papers will be straight enough and you come off as the sort of hardened weasel that won't fall for their little games, and they let you go with a warning and mark your file with an "X-Ray number" (in CA anyhow) as someone who's been stopped, they couldn't figure out what you're up to, but they'd like to bust you for it.
Question: "Two weeks, huh, why do you have a CA toll-pass, pay stubs from a local job, etc. etc.
etc. etc. etc. etc."
Answer: "I come and go a lot. I have boats/cars/holsteins registered in another state, my income comes from another state. What's your residence test? Can I vote here?"
The cop doesn't know anything about voting. She thinks I came to her suburb to steal catalytic converters off cars. She's really cute and obviously likes guns, which is hot, but things haven't gotten off on the right foot. I'm tempted to ask to file police reports against Cheney and Rumsfeld for kidnapping, torture, mass murder, and lying to congress. She hands me my license back and a reciept for something, and I put both of them in the glove compartment.
(image source: Roanoke pd)
So then the next day at the airport my license isn't with me.
What happens then? Read on.
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Mar 4, 2011. 2:49 AMbschwartz
says:
This is Awesome! I also found this, it's how to properly deal with them http://howtohacklife101.blogspot.com/2011/01/f-police.html
Reply
Mar 4, 2011. 2:48 AMbschwartz
says:
This is Awesome! I also found this, it's how to properly deal with them http://howtohacklife101.blogspot.com/2011/01/f-police.html
Reply
12
Jul 9, 2009. 12:24 PM
noahh
says:
noahh
says:
D.W.W.W.D.A.O.C.: Driving While White While Driving An Oldish Car. :P
Reply
Jun 27, 2009. 12:04 AMtheecube
says:
ah, i can see how that would be annoying (common name and all that) - my name is sufficiently wierd to avoid cops, but still annoying to spell (so i guess its even :P )
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