Handy Tricks Six

Step 20 Fly Without Identification

At Oakland airport security I shuffled through my wallet full of creditcards etc. and couldn't find my driver's license. Damn! It was that cop the other night. I must have put my license in the glovebox with the receipt/nonticket thingy.

I'm at the airport and I don't have my "Government Issued Photo ID". What can I do?
Airport security: "How about a Costco card?"
Me: "what? would that would work?" (I still don't know.)
Airport security: "hum, haw, delay delay, get supervisor."
Supervisor. "Where's the good pen?" (makes two checkmarks on my boardingpass) "Go over there". (xray machine line)

Woohoo! I can fly even without id!
All they do is give you the "extra screening" which means they're extra courteous and pleasant,
dump out your stuff for the swab+sniff machine, and give you the pat-down massage, which is actually kind of nice. I got through the process just about as quick as normal.
They don't care at all about any of my other id, or the "name" I'm using. I could be traveling with a really cool name like... "Heimlich Richter", "Zamboni Carramba", or... Yes! Hi, my name is "Phakopsora Pachyrhizi"!!!
Extra Screening Dude: "You paint cars?"
Me: "what? oh yeah, the gas mask and headphones? yeah. painting cars. Do you have a bandaid for this?" (my zombie bite)

I had a connecting flight in JFK. JFK sucks. You have to leave security to walk across a street and clear back in at the other terminal 50 feet away. I'm worried.
No ID? No problem! Another free massage!

Howabout Logan, home of white-knuckled incompetence? No problem! It's a slow day, so trainees practice the security massage while a superivisor gives a critique.
Me: "Have you always been able to fly without ID?"
Deskie: "I think ever since 9/11 you've been able to."
Me: "The terrorists still use the ID we gave them in training?
Deskie, smiling: "something exactly like that."

Comments

[tweakums]

When my college swim team traveled to San Juan from Pittsburgh in January of 2007, one of the girls somehow forgot her ID despite our coach reminding us repeatedly. When we got to the PGH airport, our coach told the check-in clerks that the girl had no ID because she was mentally handicapped and could not get a driver's license. She put on a good act and didn't even have to go through extra security.

[prochobo]

Good to know terrorists can fly on American planes with ease.  Thanks TSA.

[rebelkid7]

thats wat the x ray was for

[ronmaggi]

Keep in mind that Oakland's security is relatively lax. My wife forgot that she had pepper spray in her purse until we were flying BACK to Oakland from San Diego.

[PeanutTheKidnapper]

TSA Preferred IDJust looked this up on the TSA website. Apparently the additional screening was just added in May of 2008. I'm curious if before that you just got a pat on the back for not having ID. I guess sometimes when the GOV says, "Do/Have/Be this, or else." it's smart to ask, "What's the "Or else"?"

[skunkbait]

Nice to know. I haven't forgotten my ID/Passport since 911. Anonymity used to be so nice! Great i'ble. I always enjoty the Tricks i'bles.