Introduction: Heaven and Hell Preserves

Picture of Heaven and Hell Preserves

This is the most fun gift I give during the holiday season, and it is not for the faint of heart, but it is devilishly hot and as sweet as an angel!

My recipe yields eight 8 oz jars of heavenly yum.

Step 1: Ingredients

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2 lbs. jalapenos
1 lb. onions
4 C. sugar
1/4 C. apple cider vinegar
1/4 C. water
1/2 tsp. turmeric

A large pot
A stove
A LOLcat
A respectable beer
(8) 8 oz. Ball jars with lids

Step 2: Slice Jalapenos

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Choose two pounds of firm, smooth skinned jalapenos. Wash them with vegetable soap and slice them into 1/4" slices or to your preference. Leave the seeds and ribs intact - this is the source of "hell".

Add the jalapenos to a large pot.

Step 3: Slice and Add Onions

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Slice (no finesse needed) 1 pound of white or sweet onions and add them to the pot with the jalapenos.

Step 4: Add Liquids

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Combine 1/4 C. water with 1/4 C. apple cider vinegar and add to the pot.

Step 5: Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble...

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Bring the peppers, onions and liquids to a boil.

It is at this point that you will begin to think I'm insane, because you have a giant pot of vegetables and 1/2 C of liquid, but don't fight the magic!

I've made this faithfully for 8 years and it works!

Step 6: LOLcat Quality Assurance

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As these begin to cook down, there should be a delicious, peppery atmosphere in your kitchen. Put your LOLcat on the counter.

If your LOLcat makes this face, UR doing it rite..

Step 7: Sugar & Spice and Everything Nice

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When the onions are translucent and the peppers have changed color, add 4 C. sugar and 1/2 tsp. turmeric.

Mix well, and bring mixture back to a low boil.

Step 8: The Final Moments

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Simmer the mixture until it resembles my photo - the onions will be translucent and the skin of the jalapenos will begin to wrinkle a bit at the edges. The liquid will have a light syrupy texture.

You will most likely get very thirsty during this step, so take advantage of your respectable beer.

Step 9: Presentation

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Remove the Heaven and Hell preserves from the stove and spoon into eight 8 oz. Ball jars that you have warmed with boiling water. Distribute syrup evenly among jars. Leave about an inch of head space in each jar, and attach lids tightly.

Step 10: Cool It, Baby

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Allow the jars to come to room temperature before refrigerating.

Step 11: Decorate As Desired

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Decorate jars and give to friends. I bring mine to our firehouse every year at Christmas - firemen love hot food!

Heaven and Hell should be served with cream cheese on a cracker - my preference is for Wheat Thins. Be sure  recipients have Shiner Bock handy and have said their prayers.


understandblue (author)2012-11-11

Hi Emma! I've kept it as long as six months, but you'll eat it before then :)

EmmasLavender (author)2012-11-11

Just a few quick questions, How long will it last before it goes moldy? I don't have a cat so what do I use to make sure I am doing it right? My kids and grandsons love hot stuff, so I thought I would make up a batch for them as a Thanksgiving gift.

firefly68 (author)2011-01-27

Oh my this does sound devilishly good! Can you can it so it keeps more than a few weeks?

understandblue (author)firefly682011-01-27

It keeps for months and months and months! :)

kristina (author)2011-01-02

I just tried this, sort of :-) I had a very large jar of hot jalapeños in my fridge... so hot as to be inedible, so I figured I had nothing to loose by experimenting. Haven't tried it on cream cheese yet because it has to cool a bit first, but it looks the same and I can actually eat the peppers in it now, lol I intend to do it again and make it using fresh peppers but just wanted to let anyone know who is contemplating a way to get rid of a jar of really hot peppers, this recipe will do the trick!

l8nite (author)2011-01-01

great another recipe I HAVE to try ! ! sounds like a real tongue teaser. thank you for sharing .. if you enjoy hot peppers check out my pepper relish "ible"

Batness (author)2011-01-01

This looks delicious! Can you BLEND the mixture to make it more of a jelly spread?

understandblue (author)Batness2011-01-01

Oh well I've never tried but I think it's quite brilliant! It's so completely delicious. Even just the syrup part is so amazing on cream cheese. MMM.

barelyknittogether (author)2010-12-31

My mouth is watering and my nose is slightly stinging! Mmmmm. Can't wait to try this. :)

About This Instructable



Bio: I am a paper arts instructor and star of the Understand Blue Paper Arts Television Show on weekly in the Austin Market. I am a ... More »
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