Introduction: Homey the Wallet

Ever been down and out in Costa Rica? Had your wallet stolen on the subway? Wondered what to do with your keys and all that change you had in your front pockets?

Homey the wallet to the rescue! Using this patent pending, complex 6 step procedure, you can not only protect your remaining belongings from future theft, but actually deter would-be thieves from even approaching.

If you appreciate this instructible, please visit my blog for more ideas:
GoodCleanCrazy

As an added bonus (and due solely to my personal tightwaddery and sense of humor) this is completely free, unless you're like Einstein and don't wear socks. Wierdo. Or Equator dweller. Or namby-pamby Southern Californian. Or--never mind.

Step 1: Remove Your Right Shoe.

Carefully untie (if tied) the shoe on your right foot and remove the shoe.

Save this shoe for later use. (Do NOT discard!)

Slip your sock off your right foot.

Step 2: Stick Your Hand Up a Socket Puppet

Insert your hand carefully into the south end of a north facing sock puppet until your hand can go no further without increasing pressure beyond the "tear threshold" (somewhere around 30 ft/lbs/in2).

Form the mouth of the sock puppet. Practice ventriloquism for a few seconds.

At this point, the theft deterrent mechanism of Homey the Wallet(TM) begins to activate (Warning: May also deter potential dates/embarrassed family members).

Step 3: Feed the Puppet

Kindly coerce your Sock Puppet friend--we'll call him Slippy for short--coerce Slippy to eat your keys and remaining valuables.

Praise your Slippy with phrases like, "Good boy! That's a nice Slippy!"

Make sure to scratch him under the chin a bit (he loves that).

Step 4: Gut Slippy

While your erstwhile 75% cotton friend is distracted by the praises, quickly grasp his rear, and rip it over his head!

(Insert maniacal laughter if desired.)

Step 5: Stretch to Full Length

To complete the gutting process, fully stretch your inverted Slippy. This ensures proper valuables placement in the lifeless hide of your poor friend.

Step 6: Replace Your Shoe

Replace your right shoe on your right foot. (You DID save your shoe, didn't you?)

And . . . done! You are now the proud owner of a Homey the Wallet(C)2007!

For increased theft deterrent, you may hike one pants leg up to knee level and say "Homey don't play that!" whilst wildly swinging Slippy towards would-be assailants.

Some helpful tips on spotting would-be assailants:
Faux Businessmen
"Harmless" Little old ladies
Squirrels

For a real wallet, I recommend voting for my personal favorite of the wallet group the Anti Wallet. No muss, no fuss.

Comments

author
Ho0ksie125 made it! (author)2015-11-27

What did I just read?

author
Advar made it! (author)2013-03-25

You, Sir, are a nutter.
How do I join the club?

author
Metal4God made it! (author)2007-06-19

OK royalestel make sure to take your pills today.

author
royalestel made it! (author)royalestel2007-06-21

Whoa, Fender, weren't you SamChursa yesterday?

author
Metal4God made it! (author)Metal4God2007-06-21

yes I asked ewilhelm to change my name

author
Metal4God made it! (author)Metal4God2007-06-21

and it was samcursha

author
royalestel made it! (author)royalestel2007-11-17

And now you changed your name again? Alrighty then.

author
Metal4God made it! (author)Metal4God2008-01-11

and again

author
royalestel made it! (author)royalestel2007-06-20

Which ones? They're all so . . . Little. Yellow. Different.

author
royalestel made it! (author)royalestel2007-06-20

:)

author
Post Script made it! (author)2007-12-31

Muahahaha! lol

author
ZachPosey made it! (author)2007-05-29

poor sock YOU KILLED HIM!!! *continues crying* lol jk nice one though

author
matt_the_awsome made it! (author)2007-05-21

i dont mean this the rude way but what the? ya if some ppl here had some more humor

author
royalestel made it! (author)royalestel2007-05-22

hehe. Everybody's got a different sense of humor. Some people don't like the "Quest for the Holy Grail".

author
ninjaman made it! (author)2007-05-11

Hillarious! If only more people on this site had a good sense of humor...

author
abbabibble2 made it! (author)2007-04-28

OMFG this made me bust up laughing! + rating to you!

author
royalestel made it! (author)royalestel2007-05-01

Now THAT is what I was going for! Awe-sizzum! Thanks abba.

author
royalestel made it! (author)royalestel2007-04-28

My work here is done.

author
gmoon made it! (author)2007-04-29

Great job with all the photo editing/manipulating! Too bad more instructables aren't this funny (especially those that don't seem to instruct...)

author
royalestel made it! (author)royalestel2007-05-01

Ah thanks. I just up and did it in a couple hours. I had a lot of fun.

author
royalestel made it! (author)2007-04-27

Ah yes, an added feature I forgot to mention. Sharp eyes, there pyro, sharp eyes.

author
MisterSlippy made it! (author)MisterSlippy2007-04-30

Lol, I'd better go make something and post an instructable then! Oh, and I've made myself a "Homey the wallet", but unfortunately, all shops and restaurants are now refusing to accept cash or credit cards from me. Maybe you could post some kind of "anti-fungal homey the wallet?" :-D

author
MisterSlippy made it! (author)MisterSlippy2007-04-30

Oops....meant to put that previous one further down in reply to your response to me. Ah well. Have this as well: Homey the wallet as weapon....inadvisable....picture the scene.... "You said WHAT about my momma? You wait right there while I take off my shoe and sock. You gonna get such a beating. Ouch."

author
royalestel made it! (author)royalestel2007-05-01

Nah, see, you already got Homey the Wallet(TM) out and hanging on your shoulder. Then you say, "I pity da fool that says something nasty about my Momma. Homey don't play dat." *Whop*

author
Spl1nt3rC3ll made it! (author)2007-04-27

lololololololol! GREAT INSTRUCTABLE! kinda pointless, but GREAT. poor, poor slippy... I guess it's for the greater good.

author
royalestel made it! (author)royalestel2007-04-29

What no favorite? *sniff :)

author
Spl1nt3rC3ll made it! (author)Spl1nt3rC3ll2007-04-29

*sniff* I donno how to add favorites. :(

author
ich bin ein pyro made it! (author)ich bin ein pyro2007-04-30

press the plus sign at the top

author
Spl1nt3rC3ll made it! (author)Spl1nt3rC3ll2007-04-30

Thanks!

author
ich bin ein pyro made it! (author)2007-04-27

wow wallets are becoming scarce now you have to use ur sock on the bright side if anyone does steal it you can follow the stink

author
royalestel made it! (author)royalestel2007-04-27

Have you read the whole thing yet? Did you laugh uproariously? . . . chuckle slightly? grunt?

author
ich bin ein pyro made it! (author)ich bin ein pyro2007-04-30

ehh it was kinda in the middle

author
royalestel made it! (author)royalestel2007-04-30

I'll take it!

author
ineluctable made it! (author)2007-04-29

wow. setting the bar for instrctbl graphic design. dang. takin it to the next level and stuff. and funny too. i repeat, dang...+ rating

author
royalestel made it! (author)royalestel2007-04-29

Why thank you very much. I sure had alot of fun with this one. I'm glad you liked it.

author
MisterSlippy made it! (author)2007-04-27

Wow, you named your sock puppet/wallet after me! In return (and in a desperate attempt to drag in some traffic) I suggest you tell ALL your friends to visit world of slippy

author
royalestel made it! (author)royalestel2007-04-29

If you double post your instructables on your blog, you can also move traffic there, just like Sam Noyoun.

author
Radioedit420 made it! (author)2007-04-27

lol!! seriously you can do some damage with a handful of change in a sock. Beleive me. my friend is a dickhead

author
toulvus made it! (author)2007-04-27

best wallet ever.

About This Instructable

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Bio: Every now and then I come up with a unique idea. And then I find someone else has already thought of it . . . which is AWESOME ... More »
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