Introduction: Homey the Wallet

Picture of Homey the Wallet

Ever been down and out in Costa Rica? Had your wallet stolen on the subway? Wondered what to do with your keys and all that change you had in your front pockets?

Homey the wallet to the rescue! Using this patent pending, complex 6 step procedure, you can not only protect your remaining belongings from future theft, but actually deter would-be thieves from even approaching.

If you appreciate this instructible, please visit my blog for more ideas:

As an added bonus (and due solely to my personal tightwaddery and sense of humor) this is completely free, unless you're like Einstein and don't wear socks. Wierdo. Or Equator dweller. Or namby-pamby Southern Californian. Or--never mind.

Step 1: Remove Your Right Shoe.

Picture of Remove Your Right Shoe.

Carefully untie (if tied) the shoe on your right foot and remove the shoe.

Save this shoe for later use. (Do NOT discard!)

Slip your sock off your right foot.

Step 2: Stick Your Hand Up a Socket Puppet

Picture of Stick Your Hand Up a Socket Puppet

Insert your hand carefully into the south end of a north facing sock puppet until your hand can go no further without increasing pressure beyond the "tear threshold" (somewhere around 30 ft/lbs/in2).

Form the mouth of the sock puppet. Practice ventriloquism for a few seconds.

At this point, the theft deterrent mechanism of Homey the Wallet(TM) begins to activate (Warning: May also deter potential dates/embarrassed family members).

Step 3: Feed the Puppet

Picture of Feed the Puppet

Kindly coerce your Sock Puppet friend--we'll call him Slippy for short--coerce Slippy to eat your keys and remaining valuables.

Praise your Slippy with phrases like, "Good boy! That's a nice Slippy!"

Make sure to scratch him under the chin a bit (he loves that).

Step 4: Gut Slippy

Picture of Gut Slippy

While your erstwhile 75% cotton friend is distracted by the praises, quickly grasp his rear, and rip it over his head!

(Insert maniacal laughter if desired.)

Step 5: Stretch to Full Length

Picture of Stretch to Full Length

To complete the gutting process, fully stretch your inverted Slippy. This ensures proper valuables placement in the lifeless hide of your poor friend.

Step 6: Replace Your Shoe

Picture of Replace Your Shoe

Replace your right shoe on your right foot. (You DID save your shoe, didn't you?)

And . . . done! You are now the proud owner of a Homey the Wallet(C)2007!

For increased theft deterrent, you may hike one pants leg up to knee level and say "Homey don't play that!" whilst wildly swinging Slippy towards would-be assailants.

Some helpful tips on spotting would-be assailants:
Faux Businessmen
"Harmless" Little old ladies

For a real wallet, I recommend voting for my personal favorite of the wallet group the Anti Wallet. No muss, no fuss.


Ho0ksie125 (author)2015-11-27

What did I just read?

Advar (author)2013-03-25

You, Sir, are a nutter.
How do I join the club?

Metal4God (author)2007-06-19

OK royalestel make sure to take your pills today.

royalestel (author)Metal4God2007-06-21

Whoa, Fender, weren't you SamChursa yesterday?

Metal4God (author)royalestel2007-06-21

yes I asked ewilhelm to change my name

Metal4God (author)Metal4God2007-06-21

and it was samcursha

royalestel (author)Metal4God2007-11-17

And now you changed your name again? Alrighty then.

Metal4God (author)royalestel2008-01-11

and again

royalestel (author)Metal4God2007-06-20

Which ones? They're all so . . . Little. Yellow. Different.

royalestel (author)royalestel2007-06-20


Post Script (author)2007-12-31

Muahahaha! lol

ZachPosey (author)2007-05-29

poor sock YOU KILLED HIM!!! *continues crying* lol jk nice one though

matt_the_awsome (author)2007-05-21

i dont mean this the rude way but what the? ya if some ppl here had some more humor

hehe. Everybody's got a different sense of humor. Some people don't like the "Quest for the Holy Grail".

ninjaman (author)2007-05-11

Hillarious! If only more people on this site had a good sense of humor...

abbabibble2 (author)2007-04-28

OMFG this made me bust up laughing! + rating to you!

royalestel (author)abbabibble22007-05-01

Now THAT is what I was going for! Awe-sizzum! Thanks abba.

royalestel (author)abbabibble22007-04-28

My work here is done.

gmoon (author)2007-04-29

Great job with all the photo editing/manipulating! Too bad more instructables aren't this funny (especially those that don't seem to instruct...)

royalestel (author)gmoon2007-05-01

Ah thanks. I just up and did it in a couple hours. I had a lot of fun.

royalestel (author)2007-04-27

Ah yes, an added feature I forgot to mention. Sharp eyes, there pyro, sharp eyes.

MisterSlippy (author)royalestel2007-04-30

Lol, I'd better go make something and post an instructable then! Oh, and I've made myself a "Homey the wallet", but unfortunately, all shops and restaurants are now refusing to accept cash or credit cards from me. Maybe you could post some kind of "anti-fungal homey the wallet?" :-D

Oops....meant to put that previous one further down in reply to your response to me. Ah well. Have this as well: Homey the wallet as weapon....inadvisable....picture the scene.... "You said WHAT about my momma? You wait right there while I take off my shoe and sock. You gonna get such a beating. Ouch."

royalestel (author)MisterSlippy2007-05-01

Nah, see, you already got Homey the Wallet(TM) out and hanging on your shoulder. Then you say, "I pity da fool that says something nasty about my Momma. Homey don't play dat." *Whop*

Spl1nt3rC3ll (author)2007-04-27

lololololololol! GREAT INSTRUCTABLE! kinda pointless, but GREAT. poor, poor slippy... I guess it's for the greater good.

royalestel (author)Spl1nt3rC3ll2007-04-29

What no favorite? *sniff :)

Spl1nt3rC3ll (author)royalestel2007-04-29

*sniff* I donno how to add favorites. :(

press the plus sign at the top


ich bin ein pyro (author)2007-04-27

wow wallets are becoming scarce now you have to use ur sock on the bright side if anyone does steal it you can follow the stink

Have you read the whole thing yet? Did you laugh uproariously? . . . chuckle slightly? grunt?

ehh it was kinda in the middle

I'll take it!

ineluctable (author)2007-04-29

wow. setting the bar for instrctbl graphic design. dang. takin it to the next level and stuff. and funny too. i repeat, dang...+ rating

royalestel (author)ineluctable2007-04-29

Why thank you very much. I sure had alot of fun with this one. I'm glad you liked it.

MisterSlippy (author)2007-04-27

Wow, you named your sock puppet/wallet after me! In return (and in a desperate attempt to drag in some traffic) I suggest you tell ALL your friends to visit world of slippy

royalestel (author)MisterSlippy2007-04-29

If you double post your instructables on your blog, you can also move traffic there, just like Sam Noyoun.

Radioedit420 (author)2007-04-27

lol!! seriously you can do some damage with a handful of change in a sock. Beleive me. my friend is a dickhead

toulvus (author)2007-04-27

best wallet ever.

About This Instructable




Bio: Every now and then I come up with a unique idea. And then I find someone else has already thought of it . . . which is AWESOME ... More »
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