Homey the wallet to the rescue! Using this patent pending, complex 6 step procedure, you can not only protect your remaining belongings from future theft, but actually deter would-be thieves from even approaching.
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As an added bonus (and due solely to my personal tightwaddery and sense of humor) this is completely free, unless you're like Einstein and don't wear socks. Wierdo. Or Equator dweller. Or namby-pamby Southern Californian. Or--never mind.
Step 1: Remove Your Right Shoe.
Save this shoe for later use. (Do NOT discard!)
Slip your sock off your right foot.
Step 2: Stick Your Hand Up a Socket Puppet
Form the mouth of the sock puppet. Practice ventriloquism for a few seconds.
At this point, the theft deterrent mechanism of Homey the Wallet(TM) begins to activate (Warning: May also deter potential dates/embarrassed family members).
Step 3: Feed the Puppet
Praise your Slippy with phrases like, "Good boy! That's a nice Slippy!"
Make sure to scratch him under the chin a bit (he loves that).
Step 4: Gut Slippy
(Insert maniacal laughter if desired.)