Instructables
Ever been down and out in Costa Rica? Had your wallet stolen on the subway? Wondered what to do with your keys and all that change you had in your front pockets?

Homey the wallet to the rescue! Using this patent pending, complex 6 step procedure, you can not only protect your remaining belongings from future theft, but actually deter would-be thieves from even approaching.

If you appreciate this instructible, please visit my blog for more ideas:
GoodCleanCrazy

As an added bonus (and due solely to my personal tightwaddery and sense of humor) this is completely free, unless you're like Einstein and don't wear socks. Wierdo. Or Equator dweller. Or namby-pamby Southern Californian. Or--never mind.

 
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Step 1: Remove Your Right Shoe.

Picture of Remove Your Right Shoe.
Carefully untie (if tied) the shoe on your right foot and remove the shoe.

Save this shoe for later use. (Do NOT discard!)

Slip your sock off your right foot.

Step 2: Stick Your Hand Up a Socket Puppet

Picture of Stick Your Hand Up a Socket Puppet
Insert your hand carefully into the south end of a north facing sock puppet until your hand can go no further without increasing pressure beyond the "tear threshold" (somewhere around 30 ft/lbs/in2).

Form the mouth of the sock puppet. Practice ventriloquism for a few seconds.

At this point, the theft deterrent mechanism of Homey the Wallet(TM) begins to activate (Warning: May also deter potential dates/embarrassed family members).

Step 3: Feed the Puppet

Picture of Feed the Puppet
Kindly coerce your Sock Puppet friend--we'll call him Slippy for short--coerce Slippy to eat your keys and remaining valuables.

Praise your Slippy with phrases like, "Good boy! That's a nice Slippy!"

Make sure to scratch him under the chin a bit (he loves that).

Step 4: Gut Slippy

Picture of Gut Slippy
While your erstwhile 75% cotton friend is distracted by the praises, quickly grasp his rear, and rip it over his head!

(Insert maniacal laughter if desired.)

Step 5: Stretch to Full Length

Picture of Stretch to Full Length
To complete the gutting process, fully stretch your inverted Slippy. This ensures proper valuables placement in the lifeless hide of your poor friend.
Advar1 year ago
You, Sir, are a nutter.
How do I join the club?
Metal4God6 years ago
OK royalestel make sure to take your pills today.
royalestel (author)  Metal4God6 years ago
Whoa, Fender, weren't you SamChursa yesterday?
yes I asked ewilhelm to change my name
and it was samcursha
royalestel (author)  Metal4God6 years ago
And now you changed your name again? Alrighty then.
and again
royalestel (author)  Metal4God6 years ago
Which ones? They're all so . . . Little. Yellow. Different.
royalestel (author)  royalestel6 years ago
:)
Post Script6 years ago
Muahahaha! lol
ZachPosey6 years ago
poor sock YOU KILLED HIM!!! *continues crying* lol jk nice one though
i dont mean this the rude way but what the? ya if some ppl here had some more humor
royalestel (author)  matt_the_awsome6 years ago
hehe. Everybody's got a different sense of humor. Some people don't like the "Quest for the Holy Grail".
ninjaman6 years ago
Hillarious! If only more people on this site had a good sense of humor...
abbabibble26 years ago
OMFG this made me bust up laughing! + rating to you!
royalestel (author)  abbabibble26 years ago
Now THAT is what I was going for! Awe-sizzum! Thanks abba.
royalestel (author)  abbabibble26 years ago
My work here is done.
gmoon6 years ago
Great job with all the photo editing/manipulating! Too bad more instructables aren't this funny (especially those that don't seem to instruct...)
royalestel (author)  gmoon6 years ago
Ah thanks. I just up and did it in a couple hours. I had a lot of fun.
royalestel (author) 6 years ago
Ah yes, an added feature I forgot to mention. Sharp eyes, there pyro, sharp eyes.
Lol, I'd better go make something and post an instructable then! Oh, and I've made myself a "Homey the wallet", but unfortunately, all shops and restaurants are now refusing to accept cash or credit cards from me. Maybe you could post some kind of "anti-fungal homey the wallet?" :-D
Oops....meant to put that previous one further down in reply to your response to me. Ah well. Have this as well: Homey the wallet as weapon....inadvisable....picture the scene.... "You said WHAT about my momma? You wait right there while I take off my shoe and sock. You gonna get such a beating. Ouch."
royalestel (author)  MisterSlippy6 years ago
Nah, see, you already got Homey the Wallet(TM) out and hanging on your shoulder. Then you say, "I pity da fool that says something nasty about my Momma. Homey don't play dat." *Whop*
lololololololol! GREAT INSTRUCTABLE! kinda pointless, but GREAT. poor, poor slippy... I guess it's for the greater good.
royalestel (author)  Spl1nt3rC3ll6 years ago
What no favorite? *sniff :)
*sniff* I donno how to add favorites. :(
press the plus sign at the top
Thanks!
wow wallets are becoming scarce now you have to use ur sock on the bright side if anyone does steal it you can follow the stink
royalestel (author)  ich bin ein pyro6 years ago
Have you read the whole thing yet? Did you laugh uproariously? . . . chuckle slightly? grunt?
ehh it was kinda in the middle
royalestel (author)  ich bin ein pyro6 years ago
I'll take it!
ineluctable6 years ago
wow. setting the bar for instrctbl graphic design. dang. takin it to the next level and stuff. and funny too. i repeat, dang...+ rating
royalestel (author)  ineluctable6 years ago
Why thank you very much. I sure had alot of fun with this one. I'm glad you liked it.
Wow, you named your sock puppet/wallet after me! In return (and in a desperate attempt to drag in some traffic) I suggest you tell ALL your friends to visit world of slippy
royalestel (author)  MisterSlippy6 years ago
If you double post your instructables on your blog, you can also move traffic there, just like Sam Noyoun.
lol!! seriously you can do some damage with a handful of change in a sock. Beleive me. my friend is a dickhead
toulvus6 years ago
best wallet ever.
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