Transform cheap hotdogs into a dried delicacy with a street value of a dollar an ounce.
Step 1: Digitize Your Dogs
Get the cheapest hotdogs you can find.
Leftovers from a tractor pull or pro wrestling show would be perfect.
We're going to scientifically determine the best thickness using a binary divide- and-conquer strategy.
That means we divide a hotdog by two, then by two again, thus creating two bit dogs.
A Poem; Ode to a Doomed Dog:
Time is wasting
We're all slowly dying
Let's get to slicing
and get those hot dogs drying
While the sun is still shining
Step 2: Like Fallen Heroes They Lie
Metaphors of wartime carnage come to mind.
I've been going to lots of talks by U.S. military analysts and historians.
All their analyses indicate that this war will continue to be "What we call in the field a big mess."
These are the people that get ignored when policy is made.
Then they study the ensuing disasters and give talks about what coding scheme is most valid and what regression analysis etc. is best. Then the questions: "what can we expect?"
Let me summarize: Our dumb jerks in charge have gotten us into a stupid mess. Expect more of that.
Take a break to see tiny photos of the faces of thousands of Americans killed in Iraq: http://www.duckdaotsu.org/valor.html
Ten times that many have been maimed.
Ten times that many Iraqis have been killed and maimed.
Don't worry, I'm done with this gloomy stuff. Let's get back to the details of
HOW TO LEAVE HOT DOGS OUT IN THE SUN
Step 3: Marinade
Step 4: Marinate
If your marinade is hot enough you better not touch your eyes.
If you need to go to the bathroom get someone to help you.
Step 5: Rack them up
The scientific controls are there too with no marinade.
Step 6: Sunbathing Hot Dogs
If anyone complains, explain the difference between greatness and goodness to them.
Are they any good?
Did we all die from preservative interactions?
Tune in soon to find out!
It's been almost a week. I want to leave them up that long before sampling.
They sure are pretty up there with the sun shining through their shriveled translucent greasiness!
Just two more days to go!
Step 7: Taste Test
"Not bad! " He announced. "Kind of like a Slimjim".
Hey Erich - Am I remembering that right?
They were really greasy. Note for future efforts: Hotdogs stop drying out when there's nothing left but grease and gristle, leaving a sort of fibrous candle thing.
Lowfat hotdogs would be better for this process.
That said, they did indeed have what a philosopher might call the "suchness" of a "dried meat snack". Maybe that was the garlic listed among the other ingredients. Or the "parts".
Step 9: Taste Tests Continue
Subject A is unable to bring it anywhere near his face.
Subject B confidently thrusts the food substance into his gaping mouth, but when attempting to bite it his arm involuntarily jerked away and he was unable to eat any.
Step 10: The Grosof Effect
"It's everything!" he explains.
The portion that Eric chewed and spit out could be considered a type of "pate".
Unfortunately despite the fine visual presentation, the narrative and epistemological elements of the presentation will not appeal to any mainstream demographic.