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How Medicated Chest Rub Will Save Your Relationship

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Picture of How Medicated Chest Rub Will Save Your Relationship
Let's face it, there has been some tension lately. Every relationship goes through its ups and downs, but let's take the passive route this time, and avoid one of those "we need to talk" confrontations. Ungh.

Luckily, with just a small amount of medicated vaporizing chest rub, your relationship woes can be squashed before any serious conversation needs to happen. Who knew? Thanks Vicks!


 
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Step 1: A Classic Decongestant

Picture of A Classic Decongestant
I'll just get the obvious use out of the way: VapoRub can do wonders for your beauty rest. If your partner is snoring or hacking up a storm all night, just rub a little Vicks on their chest so they'll shut up. You'll be back to counting sheep in no time. 

Otherwise, I hear the couch is relatively comfortable sleeping option. For them, of course.

Step 2: Play footsie again

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Does it feel like the magic's gone? Has that spark fizzled? 

Back when you were first dating you couldn't keep your hands, or toes for that matter, off of each other. But now your partner's funky feet couldn't be more of a turn off. Nasty.

While VapoRub was originally intended for your sinuses, it has a surprising amount of uses further south on those sore puppies. If you or your partner have lately kept the socks on while things have been getting hot-and-heavy, it might be time to take further action and stop being embarrassed.

Heels dry and cracked? Tell your loved one to keep these rough soles away from you, and to rub Vicks on them instead. They should heal up after a few treatments - and smell menthol fresh!

While having an athletic partner can certainly have its pluses, athlete's foot is a major no-no. VapoRub clears this up in no time.

Toenail fungus getting you down? Massage chest rub on the affected toenails once or twice daily. They'll eventually turn dark, but don't worry! This just means you're killing the fungus. As you continue to trim your toenails, you'll soon find them growing in free of fungus and in great shape.

Now that you both can wear sandals again, maybe it's time to bring that tropical vacation idea back to the table.
 


Step 3: Not tonight honey, I have a headache

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...no, but really.

If you're not making excuses and are actually feeling some pain, rub a little Vick's on your temples, or under your nose if it's a sinus headache. Drink some water, take an aspirin or two, and you should be able to get back to those more enjoyable things in no time.


Step 4: It's not you, it's your cat

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Some people are dog people. Some people are cat people. These differences are what make life so exciting.

But when you asked your partner to move in and to bring Mr. Whiskers along, you weren't expecting him to be such a furry feline menace. He's scratching up your couch, peeing all over your carpet, and seems to think of your legs as his personal climbing tree. I know you're angry, but there's no need to take drastic measures.

Cats detest the menthol and eucalyptus smells in Vicks, and as you're starting to detest Miss Kitty and everything she stands for, it seems only fitting to smear chest rub all over those things she loves. She'll steer clear from now on. Just a small amount does wonders, and won't do any more damage to your drapes than that tiny bobcat already has.


Step 5: "You don't know why I'm crying?!"

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Sometimes a little drama can go a long way. If you need some added leverage in your relationship, and think feigning tears would do the trick, take page out of Acting 101's book and grab that chest rub. Dab just a tiny bit below your eyes, and as the vapors rise up you'll start tearing. Now whip out those fake sobs and get to negotiating.



Step 6: Lipstick on his collar?

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If you suspect your man of cheating, perhaps it's time to take matters into your own hands.

Many professional race horse owners swear by chest rub as a way to keep their male horses focused on their training. When spring is in the air, and all the fine young lady horses are emitting powerful estrus pheromones, many trainers will rub Vicks on the males' noses. The strong medicated smell completely overpowers those natural feminine perfumes, and the boys can get back to business.

If he's been acting suspicious lately, but you don't feel like asking the hard question, rub some VapoRub under his nose and he'll be your personal stallion once more.

Step 7: Proceed with caution

Take some care when working with chest rub, because you don't want to get Vicks in your eye (or any orifice / sensitive place for that matter. Yes, I'm talking to you folks who really want to get creative with this mentholated rub. I know what you're thinking...and it's a horrible idea). Chest rub can cause some serious damage if used improperly. VapoRub contains camphor, among other things, which is poisonous if ingested. There are people out there who swear by Vicks as a cure for acne, paper cuts, splinters, chapped lips, or even hemorrhoids. As always, please consult your doctor before self-medicating.
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VapoRub should never be used as a substitute for KY personal lubricant.
nonsense, vapor rub is the best lubricant to use, it's even better than KY itself

Yes just a little on a woman's clit can work wonders. warm climatic sex more then one LOL Scotch or Whiskey work too!!!

Ow. You are an evil person. You are going to confuse some poor teenager into jacking off with it, and then dying. You wonderfully awfully wonderful person. Cheers, fellow evil-doer!
i was sick once so i tried some of it because we had it in the house and then my balls itched so i reached down and scratched them and it burned like hell for a good hour or so

I did something similar but i was grinding chili peppers at the time..., so yeah I 'm right there with you dude

Ehhhh ouch. I can't speak to that experience personally but it did burn my girlybits too. Maybe that's what Elvis was referring to in "Burning Love"? A-ThankYou! ThankYouVeryMuch
Hey, it's truly a "once in a lifetime experience". That's why it is not recommended!!! But yea, there's a definitive "ahHOOOOah" sensation when you realize "uh oh I forgot to wash my hands!!"
He wont die from jacking off with vick, he will just get a *REALLY FRESH* relief... and maybe his penis will fall off... but he wont die!
That's the magic of trolling. Well done, my friend, well done >:D
Oh NO!! That will give you a real burning fire. If you need a personal lubricant, Virgil coconut oil is totally awesome. Unfortunately a photo-illustrated Instructable on using coconut oil as a personal lubricant probably violates some standards for family decency (but how else do families get started??)... ;)
virgin coconut oil, not Virgil. My Iphone corrupted my typing. Let's leave "Virgil" out of this. He has enough issues I'm sure!! ;)
I heard that some CSIs use vicks if they're going into a room with rotting dead people.. Just rub a little under their nose and they're perfectly fine.
Mahbub013 years ago
Thank you for your chest rub idea but need to be taken doctor advice

Regards , Dona
How to cure hemorrhoids
I have never seen a cat the detests Vicks but they LOVE it. Put some on and I'm fighting to keep them from licking it off my chest.
To expand on the "getting creative" element, not only don't put it where it shouldn't go but be very careful where you put your hands afterwards. If you can still smell it on your hands, no toutchy! (Or even going to the toilet)
Not only that but,
latex + petroleum = no more latex
no more latex = the 20 year oops
Seezor4 years ago
My wife and I did this by mistake once. I applied some vicks to my chest and neck then went to bed. Long story short we got frisky and I started sweating, The vicks enhanced sweat made its way down my chest and to her "tootoot". This sent her running to the bathroom to find a wash cloth. I guess if you try that you need to make sure it's not irritating to your partner.
I vaguely remember one Sunday, many moons ago, an episode of Popeye, where Bluto switched Popeye's jar of Spermaceti with a jar of Vap-o rub (this was before Olive Oil) Needless to say, later, after Popeye had liberally applied his usual dose, some eventually made its' way to his, "tootoot" which, not surprisingly, kind of rubbed him the wrong way. He then proceeded to administer the standard whoopin to Bluto that, as we all know, marked the end of cartoon. The End "tootoot"
ucdana3 years ago
Thats just wrong! LMAO Thanks for all the great info!
Nerdz4 years ago
Chest Rub will also stop the itch from Mosquito bites as well (or atleast dull it down).
PuzzleJenn4 years ago
So a spoonful of Vicks taken orally has the same effect as Buckley's cough syrup. Surprise, surprise. ;) I always thought Buckley's smelled like Vicks, lol!
Mrballeng4 years ago
Don't ever do like my grandmother. She used to heat a tablespoon of this stuff over a candle before having her kids swallow it. I guess she thought it would help a cold.

SeaLion4 years ago
Tried the feet one last night and this morning...
Wonder if it works with VapoRub that has expired for nearly 11 years...still smells strong as ever :)
I find it useful in areas where it smells horribly, like near baby poo, or if you have an aversion to vomit. Rub a good heavy dose under you nose and it will not be much of a problem as the vapor rub will over power almost any other smell out there/
I used this on my Thoroughbred horse once right before a jumping demo. He was extremely fresh and within 10 minutes he was nice and relaxed :) for the first time in his life...
Toxictom4 years ago
I've heard it also cures toenail fungus but I have not tried it.
johnny3h4 years ago
Many years ago [60+] my Dad was a firm believer in Vicks and VapoRub. When we had a cold or sinus flare-up or infection, it was spread on our chests, and a sore throat got a level teaspoonfull to be held [yuck!] in the mouth until melted. And then we weren't allowed to swallow it all at once, but instead in multiple, tiny swallows to 'spread' the application to the sore throat. Again, YUCK!!!!!

I HATED [and still do] even the smell and taste of VapoRub, and I hate to say it, but... I do THINK that it was effective in helping to speed our recoveries from these ilnesses.

Since I left home over 50 years ago, I have avoided anything containing Menthol or Camphor.
My mom was the same way. On the chest, up the nose and down the throat. And although it isn't for internal use according to the jar, when I've got a really bad swallowed-a-porcupine sore throat, I still fall back on it, because it works.

I have never had any kind of medical reaction to it, and as far as I can tell it has not killed off any brain cells. That doesn't mean someone else might not have a problem with it, but it seems to have been pretty effective for generations.

Wait... you used to SWALLOW it? :S As far as I know, the jar specifically tells you not to. It's not safe.
Yep, I still cringe when I think of having to peel my homemade flannel jammies off my chest from vicks vapor rub...There was also the dreaded old green Watkins Salve can at my Grandma's house. Ugh!
Bown86 johnny3h4 years ago
I guess Buckleys cough medicine doesn't go well with you either? LOL Camphor is one of the main ingredients in that I do believe!! :)
wilgubeast4 years ago
Very nice photos. Well done. Especially Step 6.
Works better on the bottom of your just a little within 15 min hacking works on kids to they sleep all night.
diamar794 years ago
Camphor is the same stuff moth ball are made of and are poisonous if ingested..Oddly enough, camphor is also found in most medicated chap sticks and lip balms...
Last time I checked moth balls are made of naphthalene. Wait, guess I'm wrong. They changed to something else. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothballs

Camphor is a plant product and in general, plant products are going to be more expensive than petroleum derivatives so it's not really in the mothball manufacturers' interest to use camphor if a cheaper synthetic is available. I'm sure it was used once upon a time to repel moths but not any more. People just say the mothball smell is camphor because it's gotten stuck in our culture.

Camphor isn't toxic in SMALL quantities. There's a phrase "the dose makes the poison". If the Wikipedia article is reasonably accurate, you'd have to eat a teaspoon of pure camphor to kill yourself. So keep the ointment out of reach of children and pets, but no problem rubbing it on your chest. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camphor#Toxicology

Most anything isn't going to kill you in "small" doses, and a lot of things that are considered poisonous would take a lot more than a teaspoon to kill ya, but it's still strange that they would use it in something like chapstick since it can also cause more irritation on your chapped lips.... It was, in fact, my childs pediatrician that pointed this out to me. And in fact Camphor is considered an insect repellent and is still used in some moth balls, but naphthalene is no longer used because of it's flamable qualities.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothball. I stay away from mothballs all together. Cedar is just as efficient and doesn't require harmful chemicals..I do use vapor rub because nothing does the job quite as well. Considering these facts, wouldn't it seem that it would also make a great outdoor bug repellent? It seems we could fight the mosquitos and the seasonal congestion at the same time..:)
chancefour4 years ago
I have several humorous thoughts about how this would work out in real life. Sorry, I can't buy into this one, but it would be a good segment in a sit-com.
SLJ774 years ago
I can say from personal experience that Vicks in the eye is VERY painful - now whenever I use it I scrub my hands clean after! A dab under your nose is also good for blocking out unwanted smells e.g. cleaning out the rubbish bins, picking up the dog droppings...
Yes you're correct, morgue attendants use it to make it through the day when they get a decomposer in. another use for it is to put a 'small'(!) dab on puppy toys, and they identify the items as theirs in play. We trained several dogs to identify their toys as primary items of interest (and easy to find), and they left my cowboy boots alone!
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