How Medicated Chest Rub Will Save Your Relationship

Let's face it, there has been some tension lately. Every relationship goes through its ups and downs, but let's take the passive route this time, and avoid one of those "we need to talk" confrontations. Ungh.

Luckily, with just a small amount of medicated vaporizing chest rub, your relationship woes can be squashed before any serious conversation needs to happen. Who knew? Thanks Vicks!

Step 1: A Classic Decongestant

I'll just get the obvious use out of the way: VapoRub can do wonders for your beauty rest. If your partner is snoring or hacking up a storm all night, just rub a little Vicks on their chest so they'll shut up. You'll be back to counting sheep in no time. 

Otherwise, I hear the couch is relatively comfortable sleeping option. For them, of course.

Step 2: Play Footsie Again

Does it feel like the magic's gone? Has that spark fizzled? 

Back when you were first dating you couldn't keep your hands, or toes for that matter, off of each other. But now your partner's funky feet couldn't be more of a turn off. Nasty.

While VapoRub was originally intended for your sinuses, it has a surprising amount of uses further south on those sore puppies. If you or your partner have lately kept the socks on while things have been getting hot-and-heavy, it might be time to take further action and stop being embarrassed.

Heels dry and cracked? Tell your loved one to keep these rough soles away from you, and to rub Vicks on them instead. They should heal up after a few treatments - and smell menthol fresh!

While having an athletic partner can certainly have its pluses, athlete's foot is a major no-no. VapoRub clears this up in no time.

Toenail fungus getting you down? Massage chest rub on the affected toenails once or twice daily. They'll eventually turn dark, but don't worry! This just means you're killing the fungus. As you continue to trim your toenails, you'll soon find them growing in free of fungus and in great shape.

Now that you both can wear sandals again, maybe it's time to bring that tropical vacation idea back to the table.

Step 3: Not Tonight Honey, I Have a Headache

...no, but really.

If you're not making excuses and are actually feeling some pain, rub a little Vick's on your temples, or under your nose if it's a sinus headache. Drink some water, take an aspirin or two, and you should be able to get back to those more enjoyable things in no time.

Step 4: It's Not You, It's Your Cat

Some people are dog people. Some people are cat people. These differences are what make life so exciting.

But when you asked your partner to move in and to bring Mr. Whiskers along, you weren't expecting him to be such a furry feline menace. He's scratching up your couch, peeing all over your carpet, and seems to think of your legs as his personal climbing tree. I know you're angry, but there's no need to take drastic measures.

Cats detest the menthol and eucalyptus smells in Vicks, and as you're starting to detest Miss Kitty and everything she stands for, it seems only fitting to smear chest rub all over those things she loves. She'll steer clear from now on. Just a small amount does wonders, and won't do any more damage to your drapes than that tiny bobcat already has.

Step 5: "You Don't Know Why I'm Crying?!"

Sometimes a little drama can go a long way. If you need some added leverage in your relationship, and think feigning tears would do the trick, take page out of Acting 101's book and grab that chest rub. Dab just a tiny bit below your eyes, and as the vapors rise up you'll start tearing. Now whip out those fake sobs and get to negotiating.

Step 6: Lipstick on His Collar?

If you suspect your man of cheating, perhaps it's time to take matters into your own hands.

Many professional race horse owners swear by chest rub as a way to keep their male horses focused on their training. When spring is in the air, and all the fine young lady horses are emitting powerful estrus pheromones, many trainers will rub Vicks on the males' noses. The strong medicated smell completely overpowers those natural feminine perfumes, and the boys can get back to business.

If he's been acting suspicious lately, but you don't feel like asking the hard question, rub some VapoRub under his nose and he'll be your personal stallion once more.

Step 7: Proceed With Caution

Take some care when working with chest rub, because you don't want to get Vicks in your eye (or any orifice / sensitive place for that matter. Yes, I'm talking to you folks who really want to get creative with this mentholated rub. I know what you're thinking...and it's a horrible idea). Chest rub can cause some serious damage if used improperly. VapoRub contains camphor, among other things, which is poisonous if ingested. There are people out there who swear by Vicks as a cure for acne, paper cuts, splinters, chapped lips, or even hemorrhoids. As always, please consult your doctor before self-medicating.