Step 7: What Your Race Packet Will Include
* Pamphlets for other races. Hilarious. Did you know there's people out there who actually think you'd like to do *another* one of these things? Even before you've done this one. Its true. Some of them even spend buckets of money on glossy full-colour fold-out affairs promising all manner of things if you'll just continue to be idiotic and keep up the whole running thing, preferably in their direction.
* A juice box containing gunk that the juice company couldn't sell and was going to throw away anyhow. I'm reminded of a conversation from a Douglas Adams book:
(Machine spews out a fluid that is almost, but not quite, exactly unlike tea)
Machine: Share and enjoy...
Arthur: Ughh! This tastes filthy!
Machine: If you've enjoyed your tea, why not share it with your friends?
Arthur: Because I want to keep them, that's why!
* Safety Pins. For holding what's left of your body together after the race. A helpful courtesy. In the meantime, use them to pin your "bib" (below) to the world's ugliest t-shirt (even more below).
* Your race "bib". You know how people are increasingly concerned about their privacy and about strangers knowing too much about them? Try running down the middle of a major avenue in your city with your name and an identifying serial number pasted to your chest; that'll fix the problem. Oh, also I've found that these tags happily contain advertising for sponsoring companies on them, because Adidas finally got all my letters saying "I wanna be a human billboard!" Just think, if you'd decided to enjoy life instead, the only bib you'd be wearing would be in a nice restaurant and have a picture of a lobster with a knife and fork on it.
* The world's ugliest t-shirt. I don't how race organizers manage to keep providing what is clearly the world's ugliest t-shirt at every single race and yet make it look different every time, but they do it. Further, is "radioactive vomit yellow" a colour? Because I now have three shirts in this hue, all of them stuffed in the back of a drawer, never again to see the light of day. Somewhere in a government warehouse, there's a crate full of these things, probably next to the lost Ark of the Covenant.