Picture of How Not To
Gore warning: Don't look at the bloody injury pictures unless that's what you want.
Warning warning: Don't do any of this stuff.

Here's a collection of projects that just didn't work and other mishaps.
I'll be adding to this collection as time goes on.
Oh boy. That's for sure.

For starters, here are the impossible rollerskates. Also known as caster skates.
Ian Alexander demonstrates how to use them. Stand up, Move legs, fall down.
To make your pair, just screw some casters to boards and tape them to your feet as shown.

To see a bunch of tricks that worked better,
check out 50 Handy Tricks
and 40 More Handy Tricks
and Yet More Handy Tricks
and Australian Handy Tricks
and Guatemalan Handy Tricks
and Handy Tricks Volume Six!

Remove these adsRemove these ads by Signing Up

Step 1: Don't Use Witch Hazel on Zits. Don't use U-locks like this.

Picture of Don't Use Witch Hazel on Zits. Don't use U-locks like this.
Someone told me witch hazel was good for curing zits.

I thought I'd try it out and put it on a big one that had formed southeast of my nose.
It killed the zit alright, also the skin around it.
So instead of a zit I had a patch of gangrene on my face that eventually filled with scar tissue.
Maybe that's not a normal effect of witch hazel on defective skin, but I still have the scar from it.
Perhaps the stuff is for preventing zits. I'm too scared to experiment any further.

Oh yeah. That's me locked to Tim McBride, author of "GI Jane".
Yes a U-Lock can be used to do this, but there's no reason to do so.
It's just dumb.

BTW, in case you didn't like the movie you should lobby the studio to release a version
with the real ending.
1-40 of 314Next »
ChevyAndVW made it!1 month ago
i made all of this on this post.... (had to use a random pic)

This had me in stitches. A good how-not-to is always best with liberal humor. Thanks.

zacker1 year ago
lol had this happen to me at work but it hit me in the jaw... it felt like a punch! I hate those thins, you gotta set the adjustment on them so this doesn't happen. also clamp down EVERYTHING you drill in a drill press... I cannot stress that one enough! lol
bcavaciuti zacker5 months ago

Indeed! I once had a close call with my fingers when very stupidly trying to drill the hole in the centre of a Shaken holding it just in my hands, I am ashamed that I even thought that it might be an ok idea but due to quick reflexes I escaped with only a few cuts. I will stress again (just so no one does it) CLAMP or SCREW DOWN any work you are drilling it could save your life.

Flash675 months ago
Seems like you and a lot of people you know tend to do stuff they probably know they're going to end up regretting.
DiamondBack5 years ago
How to Hit Yourself in the Head ... Option #2: Give your friend a battery drill

Ha ha ha ha ha!

EvilDefman6 months ago

Ha ha ha ha ha!

EvilDefman6 months ago

Ha ha ha ha!

Euuuuurgh! NEVER drink any used container straight from the bottle.. that would've been..A horrendous death!

I saw this happen to a poor poor soul while camping a few years back. Someone in his party had stored some type of clear fuel for torches in a gallon water jug. He took a few gulps before realizing it, and spent the rest of the day with his fingers down his throat forcing himself to vomit.

Nightkilla1 year ago
"SOme of"
To use an Adze properly: take a wide stance over the log, keeping the log between your legs. Bend forward alittle an swing the daze in a chopping motion. KEEP A FIRM GRIP ON THE HANDLE. Only remove alittle wood at a time. Readers Digest published a great book many years ago call "Back to Basics" it has been invaluable to me as a reference. My cousin taught me how to use an Adze among other forgotten tools when we built hos log cabin. Good Luck. Oh an make sure the log is secured before using your Adze.
Advar1 year ago
NEVER sneeze at an auction while upping a bid- I nearly "won" a Bently that I would have had to indenture myself to pay for! :o
MrRedBeard1 year ago
Hahaha Trogdor that brings back memories!
Hycro5 years ago
Almost as bad as the "gangsta" look the guys (and a few girls I know) are going for these days, wearing their pants far down, so the waist band of the pants are where the crotch should be, and some even still put a belt on there...while at work one day, one woman (I'd say she's in her 40's or so, still looks pretty hot for her age...) asked me why some of the other young guys there wore their pants so low, and I didn't, and where those particular guys happened to be the ones who didn't work as hard as the rest, I told her it was because it restricts movement of the legs, and can't run or climb up on top of things very well.
Or run from the cops!
its really bad when they sit down and you see all of their boxers.
Here's my "How Not To" blunder. I was cutting a piece of 3/8 pegboard using a table saw. I had the saw sitting on the ground at about shin level. I (knowing I should have had the blade riding high but neglected to do so) proceeded with the cut. Since the blade was too low and the material being a little warped it took off at lightning speed for my shin. I seriously didn't want to look at it because it felt like (what I figured a leg being severed felt like) my leg had been cut off. When I gathered up enough balls to check it out I had a very nice dent in my leg. But wait! Here is the kicker! 20 seconds later (and not having raised blade like an idiot) I did the exact same thing in the exact same spot. Needless to say I still carry a very nice dent in my leg, and keep the blade height at an adequate level.
ilpug3 years ago
Author, do you mind if i make something along the lines of "How Not To" for myself? Although some of my screw ups are not as epic as yours (that's a compliment, really) they still have educational value. Please reply.
How not to...Refill a Fondue Burner.

My father was having a Romantic dinner a few years ago..Fondue, with the Gas burners and all.I got sent to my room, so as not do Disturb them.He tells me halfway through the dinner, the gas was out.. Hmmph, well, he picks the thing up, brings it to the counter, pours some Burner gas into a cup and throws it in so as not to have the bottle explode in his hand.. Light, no worky.. Hell, throws caution overboard, pours it from the bottle.. BOOM, Counter ,shirt and hand are ablaze. the Wife Jumps up, grabs a fire extinguisher and Empties it on him.. Imagine that wound about five times Bigger.
Something similar happened to me a few years ago, just not nearly as bad.Was going up a river, and something happened up there, like someone had opened a dam.Whatever it was, i had 6-7 foot waves crashing towards a 10 year old kid in a Loaner kayak.I tried to flip it around and ride the wave, but i got my timing wrong and ended up twisting my shoulder 190 some degrees back; that little 10 degrees hurts.
EZE MOMY..either she's a good mother, or think of it with your mind in the gutter.
Nom..Nom..N--Oh, there's text to read?
Itscrafty3 years ago
wllmundrwd3 years ago
True story: I was using my 24volt Black&Decker to enlarge the hole in a buddy peg for my kids bike. I had the buddy peg in my left hand with a pair of large vice grips, and was holding that tight against my leg. I then had the drill in my right hand with a 5/8 drill bit. The bit snagged in the hole and torqued the drill around so hard that it literally broke my hand. Nice loud snap. It was a spiral fracture in the ring finger tarsal, the bone that goes across the back of your hand from your wrist to your finger. It hurt pretty good for a while...
FYI, I still don't own a bench vise or a drill press. Anyone want to give me either?
A WorkMate bench is a pretty economical and portable alternative to a bench vise. It makes drilling & cutting stuff (especially round stuff) much easier. And WAAAAYYY cheaper than an ER visit.
The swiss army stache!
tigerbomb83 years ago
Military Intelligence in NOT an oxymoron.
vincent75203 years ago
Childish, stupid and technically impossible … 
_Scratch_3 years ago
Wow, ive had this happen with dremel cutting wheels, feels like a razor went through your arm.... if that hurt. i cant imagine how much this would hurt..
nixoid5 years ago
Don't people usually say AWAY from Cuba?  And are there not patrold of Cubans and US Coast Guard in the area to deter defection/ offer support?
Yea, I wouldnt want to go to a place people try to ESCAPE from....
spook663 years ago
Reminds me of Fight Club for some reason...
Naaah. No Darwin here. Just childhood, plain and simple. Me and my cousin did stuff that was equivalent...

Reminds me of a fond pastime from my childhood.... "clothes basket down-the-stairs derby"! Not only do wipe-outs *really* hurt, (and funny to watch) but there are other dangers as well. See, grandma's stairs to the second floor (with the wide even steps,and optimal incline) opened up on the first floor to the outside.

Parents made this game stop when I slid down the stairs, through the door, through the front porch, down the front porch stairs, out the double doors, across the lawn, and into the drive way in front of a moving car. Yes, they were only going about 5 mph and stopped in time, but... talk about a nightmare for a parent! Never fear, I only got a few bruises, none of which were from the car.

My aunt wasn't so lucky... she lost a few years of her life from the shock of seeing me fly out like a shot and spill down and out right in front of her station wagon.

I, having no sense of self preservation, was very upset that this great game was kiboshed permanently. "Life is so unfair~!" I had really wanted to see if I could make it to the river, which was... about 50-100 feet further. :)
zzoe4 years ago
Giggled, mostly, until i got to the part about the 'shake,
at which point i laughed 'til i cried.
I always enjoy your inst'ables.
Herein lies the difference between men and women. While a man will continue to try stuff until he comes up with something that will work, a woman will explore the underlying principles until she understands them enough to create a working substitute. This is also why men rule the world. It takes less time to just try stuff.
I cant say whether this is true or not, but it makes me think, and it is interesting to think about... thanks.
1-40 of 314Next »