Introduction: How to Cost a Presidental Campaign $1 & 5 Minutes

Want to undermine a candidate's race? Help keep some one out of the White House? In this Ible, I'll show you how to do just that...

Step 1: Name This Step... Step 1 I Supose...

Well first off you gotta get yourself a letter with a postage paid response/donation envelope of the desired party. For some reason, the poor confused folks over at the Democratic National Committee felt the urge to ask for my support. Considering I'm not even old enough to vote, and the voting members of my family are registered Republicans, I found this quite odd. Anyways, I was about to throw it out when I recalled a scheme to irritate junk mail (send them back there stuff in the pre-paid envelopes). Hmm.. fiendish...

So anyways, get yourself a letter, and crack it open, and grab a pen.

Step 2: Step Numero Deux

Right, go through the letter from the candidate. If it's from Obsama, it'll be filled with grammatical errors, point these out. If from McCain... doodle on it!

After you have finished graffiting all over it, sign anonymously.

Step 3: El Stepo Tres

Now grab that little donation thingy. Write in the current price of First class postage, with a big whoppin' minus sign in front of it. See according to what I've been told, you don't have to pay for pre-paid envelopes until they've been used, so you just cost them $(insert price of varying postage)

Step 4: Phore

Slip all of this into that lovely prepaid envelope, seal with a dampness other than your tounge (leave no evidence!!), and pop into a mailbox many miles from your home. In a week or two, somebody's gonna open it, read it, maybe laugh about it, then throw it away. See? You just cost them time and money! Feel good about yourself! Throw a party! Drink Red Bull! Fix our country! Down with Big Brother!! whoops wrong cheer...

As stated, this same technique can be used on other junk mail, or any political party's money mongering.

Live long and prosper, which means when the Secret Service turns up at your door, run...
RocketScientist2015

Comments

author
karrman1984 (author)2014-01-19

So now it is 2014 and we have this guy still in office. I wonder if any feeling have changed?

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metal-matt (author)2009-03-23

thats funny, obama won.....

author

....and America lost

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itsthatsguy (author)metal-matt2009-09-22

by alot too! lol i was so happy

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GhettoEngineer (author)2012-09-01

Anonymous?! They're going to trace you straight back to Arlen, Rusty!

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ThatKnottyguy (author)2012-05-26

Put small rocks in it.

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jbarton3 (author)2011-09-15

Salary of retired US Presidents ............$180,000 FOR LIFE
Salary of House/Senate .......................$174,000 FOR LIFE
Salary of Speaker of the House ............$223,500 FOR LIFE
Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders......$193,400 FOR LIFE
Average Salary of a teacher................ $40,065
Average Salary of Soldier DEPLOYED IN AFGHANISTAN........$38,000
I think we found where the cuts should be made!

author
Galt (author)2011-07-17

Great idea made greater there Loup. Wish I'd known of it sooner.
Never ceases to amaze me...politicians spend millions to get jobs paying thousands and other than the feeding of their overly inflated egos people still don't seem to get that they're almost all in it for the pocket stuffing that they get to do.
Ya gotta love that in the midst of the greatest Keynesian debacle since...well Bush actually, we see a ruler whose peeples are bragging up his tens of millions in campaign contributions (gathered from an ever more rapidly imploding economy) that will ultimately serve no purpose greater than to further pollute our airways and under performing mail stream with more lies and drivel aimed at keeping him in power. Kind'a like the Stimulus that was paid to his handlers on Wall Street. Even though I fault the entire premise as elemental stupidity,if that money had been "re-distributed" among the tax payers who bear this burden it would have amounted to something like $17,000 to each of us.
Gee...do ya think that might have avoided a few "toxic assets" or provided a few more jobs than the reality of what it ended up doing; stimulating the sale of vacation homes on Martha's Vineyard to the ruling class.

Yeay for anarchy! Nothing will change until the walls completely fall in on the money changers temple. I think I'll try slapping one of those on a couple of blocks of government cheese. Ought'a smell real good by the time it arrives.

author
LoupGaroux (author)2011-01-08

Wonderful idea! I actually started doing this with the McGovern campaign in 1972. And to get even more bang for their buck... glue the post paid envelope to something heavy, a brick, a piece of scrap metal, heck, even an old car door if you have one lying around. Imagine the negative contribution of 20 or 30 pounds of first class postage! Nice job.

author
nollidge (author)2008-09-10

Starting sentences with conjunctions is not a grammatical error. It is just a stylistic choice. But good try! (see what I did there?)

author
xACIDITYx (author)nollidge2008-10-31

Actually, it is a Grammatical error, unless you use a comma or something.

For example, you should have said
It is just a stylistic choice, but good try.

author
nollidge (author)xACIDITYx2008-10-31

Actually it's not, at least not if you think that wide usage by a variety of well-regarded authors (Shakespeare, Joyce Carol Oates, Virginia Woolf, Mark Twain, Charles Dickens) is evidence enough.

http://158.130.17.5/~myl/languagelog/archives/002224.html

Sorry if this sounds rude, but it's a major pet peeve of mine when people espouse overtly strict grammatical rules to the great detriment of nascent writers everywhere. English is a stylistically flexible language and shouldn't be restricted arbitrarily like this.

author
xACIDITYx (author)nollidge2008-10-31

I don't go by how wide something is used. Christianity is widely spread; Doesn't make it correct.

author
nollidge (author)xACIDITYx2008-10-31

Erm... what do you go by then? There is no other possible rational standard for grammatical rules. One of which, by the way, is not to capitalize after a semicolon.

author
xACIDITYx (author)nollidge2008-10-31

There is no other possible rational standard for Grammatical rules... Really? What about the set grammatical rules, like the ones in my textbooks?

author
tinkerist (author)xACIDITYx2010-12-15

textbooks contain a lot of inaccuracies due to the fact that the humans that write them are prone to viewing their own opinions as fact. and they ALWAYS have grammatical errors. textbooks don't define the rules of anything; they talk about "rules" as understood by one person or a small group of people. in addition to these inadequacies, they are added to and subtracted from to meet arbitrary standards created by a handful of state legislators who are not necessarily educated in the subject they are controlling.
in short, textbooks are, at best, a loose reference to what some may consider acceptable presentation of a subject matter. at worst, they are a misleading mish-mash of worthless pseudo knowledge.
i'm with nollidge on this one. the english language is plastic. if the meaning of a phrase can be precisely understood by a reader, then it is as grammatically correct as anything. even formal writing's "rules" are more flexible than some people would have you think.

author
chriskarr (author)xACIDITYx2008-12-16

I'd have to agree with both of you, to some extent. There should be some things that aren't changed due to common usage, such as words like shocker being termed in the dictionary for their slang meaning. If you're going to list its slang meaning, do so on Urbandictionary.com and leave it out of my textbooks. That way, the pointless abridged versions of the dictionary that my parents get me for Christmas aren't useless because words have one definition that isn't appropriate for children under 12. Two years ago, when I was thirteen, my parents gave me an abridged dictionary as a stocking-stuffer and didn't realize that I understood what a vagina was. They, apparently, didn't realize that i understood what a sextant was and that it had nothing to do with the female body (unless a female is touching one). Not all grammar rules should be flexible, but all of them should be able to conform to new word usages. Contractions shouldn't be made when the words they serve to shorten contain the same number of syllables as said contractions themselves do. Ain't ain't a word (even though the Instructables validates it as a word) and I ain't gonna' say it. (That's the only sentence I ever say ain't in, other than when I'm explaining the word and its pointlessness.

author
Honokaguchi (author)chriskarr2009-03-29

Actually, Ain't is a word, it is a contraction that can be used in place of; am not, is not, are not, has not, and have not. Hence why Instructables validates it as a word.

author
chriskarr (author)chriskarr2008-12-16

Excuse me; I forgot to put an ending parenthesis on that last sentence.

author
Lithium Rain (author)xACIDITYx2008-10-31

I'm with nollidge on this one. All languages are flexible and constantly evolving. Textbooks don't always keep up with common usage. If it's obsolete, or being moded out, a grammar rule serves no purpose and should be tossed.

author
nollidge (author)xACIDITYx2008-10-31

And how did your textbook authors come up with the rules?

author
knex_mepalm (author)xACIDITYx2009-08-05

Not exactly, you see you can put quoting marks to make it more complicated, L-awl.

For example:
"It's just a stylistic choice",but good try

author
xACIDITYx (author)knex_mepalm2009-12-10

We weren't talking about quotation marks.

author
knex_mepalm (author)xACIDITYx2009-12-14

 Yeah...I can't remember why I said that, anyway, I just was replying to his thing because of "stylistic choices."

author
no_fear (author)nollidge2009-02-11

Technically you can justify almost any grammatical error by saying it is a stylistic choice. To more important things... one way to make this better is send anything you don't want anymore back. Stuff the envelope with advertisements for anything, any papers you don't want, paper clips, candy wrappers(as someone else said), literally anything you can fit into the envelope. The pre-paid envelopes are generally just worth whatever postage for a normal letter is at the time, but as soon as you make that letter weigh more than a normal letter, the Post Office will automatically charge whoever paid for the pre-paid envelope. You used to be able to tape the envelope to a box and fill the box with junk and it would charge the person or company all of the postage for that box. I think those rules have changed since then though...

author
KentsOkay (author)nollidge2008-09-10

Phooey I was always taught they were... Still looks tacky though...

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Labot2001 (author)2009-12-18

Tape the envelope to a brick.

author
VagsmaCutter (author)2009-12-15

Ah yes, the gift that keeps on giving. And, they pass the savings on to us!

            Nick Pappagiorgio


author
lukkbox (author)2009-03-16

barack obama = blazin saddles

author
lemonie (author)2009-02-09

I like doing this sort of thing, but I can only be motivated by filling in stupid details. I need to come up with something other than "The Chuckle Brothers, 2001 Space Oddity Drive, Hull"... (any suggestions welcome) L

author
KentsOkay (author)lemonie2009-02-10

I wish there had been a survey, but apparently they didn't think my vote was worth another sheet of paper....

author
Trid (author)2009-01-05

:D Pretty cool. You could also switch the letters, so Obama gets a donation card from McCain, and McCain gets a donation letter from Obama. Hilarity ensues.

author
itshurleytime (author)2008-09-13

Wow, you even got an X Ray photo of your favorite presidential nominee. Nice touch.

author
xACIDITYx (author)itshurleytime2008-10-31

What? He's voting for McCain, whereas the picture is of Biden.

author
KentsOkay (author)xACIDITYx2008-12-18

With Obama standing next to him :D

author
Toxicvoid13 (author)2008-12-18

You could also send them some trash like used candy wrappers I do it with all the junk mail envelopes i get, you know credit cards and so on

author
Toxicvoid13 (author)2008-12-18

Hey You could also mail some trash like some candy wrappers and save your self some well earned cash!

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dombeef (author)2008-12-01

Obama won!

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standupclothing (author)2008-10-29

wrong person

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LinuxH4x0r (author)2008-09-10

I thought senators got free mail. Either way good idea. McCain sucks! (Obama isn't much better either)

author
KentsOkay (author)LinuxH4x0r2008-09-10

Thanks!

author
KentsOkay (author)KentsOkay2008-09-10

And why does McCain suck?

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Berserk87 (author)KentsOkay2008-09-10

cause hes senile. =)

author
jessyratfink (author)Berserk872008-09-11

Hahaha, I was wondering the other day if he's competent enough to be driving a car anymore at his age. And then I got scared.

author
KentsOkay (author)jessyratfink2008-09-11

Come on now, he's 72, we've had older...

doesn't wisdom come with age and experience?

author
jessyratfink (author)KentsOkay2008-09-11

He'd be the oldest if he got elected! And it does until you start to lose it. :) I just get to thinking about our older customers at the bookstore that are about his age. Most of them can barely handle day to day affairs. It just makes me a little worried, is all.

author
KentsOkay (author)jessyratfink2008-09-11

Really? Dang, I thought there were older guys...

Let's put it this way: Mad Magazine on a regular basis disses on Obama, Hillary and all of the other president wannabes except McCain. The occasional diaper joke will turn up, but the brunt of them land on the other candidates. Doesn't that say something?

author
ubr.bzkr (author)KentsOkay2008-10-24

I agree but a lot of really funny stuff gets said about sarah palin too.

author
jessyratfink (author)KentsOkay2008-09-11

That they're the more controversial candidates, and therefore getting more press coverage. No one in the media's going to be excited about the same old white republican guy. And if a name isn't very common in public discussion, it can't possibly be made fun of. ;) I never heard about McCain in the media until he picked Palin. But now the focus isn't even on him, he's merely associated.

author

Oh, and might I add that he has a bit of veteran invincibility. People get so touchy about that stuff. That's something I didn't consider until now.

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