How To Survive The Wrath Of A Thousand Hungry Water Snakes

Picture of How To Survive The Wrath Of A Thousand Hungry Water Snakes
We've all been there. One moment you're soaring above the country side in your para-tank, destroying enemy bombers left and right, and the next you're sitting in the middle of a lake with a smoking hole where your cannon was, poisonous water vipers closing in on all sides. How many times have you just sat there awkwardly, unsure of what to do, and being bitten by giant red murder-pythons? Wasn't it embarrassing explaining to your friends what happened? Especially when your family disowned you due to the unending buckets of shame you brought them? Well now you can redeem yourself, win back your loved ones, and get rid of all of those shame buckets.
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Step 1: Step 1: Don't Panic

Picture of Step 1: Don't Panic
The first thing that probably comes to mind in a situation like this is "I'M GOING TO DIE!!!" or "AHH!!!or  "GREAT KENNY LOGGINS' BEARD, THAT IS SO MANY SNAKES!!!!!". It is important that you remain calm, as your panic will only excite them, like some sort  of bizarre, ophidian, perfume. Cherry scented perfume. That's right, your panic smells like cherries to snakes. Don't ask how I know this, I just do. Instead of panicking, try converting your fear into adrenaline to fuel the battle rage you will need in order to stay alive. If it helps, hum "You're The Best", or the A-Team theme, or any song from a Rocky movie.

Step 2: Step 2: Beat Them With Their Own Kind

Picture of Step 2: Beat Them With Their Own Kind
Snakes, like many animals, have nothing but love and trust for others of their species, and therefore assume that if a close friend is hurtling towards them at high speeds, their friend intends to give them a thoughtful gift, or perhaps an affectionate hug, and will not move to avoid them, so as not to be rude. Use this to your advantage while fighting. Grab the nearest snake by the tail, lift it over your head, and use it to bludgeon its comrades to death. This tactic works with almost any animal you'll ever encounter, from bats to baboons.
Extremely useful!
Truehart3 years ago