Fear no more! Inside these pages you will learn to express your false Teutonic heritage with pride while developing fluent German language accent skills comparable to any found in a Mel Brooks movie. I will build upon each rule and use them in subsequent rules until we are writing in a fluent German accent!
Step 1: W's are for the veak
Rule 1: Pronounce all "W's" as "V's"In German, the letter "w" is pronounced as a "v," as in "was" or "wehrmacht." Carry this over into your English for a significant impact. Vat this does is start to add a Germanic flavor to your speaking. Use it only vere you pronounce the "w" in English; you vouldn't use it for vords like "write" or "wriangle" but you vould for "we," "webster," "war," and "was."
Rule 1.1: "Wh" is just "v"For vords vis a "wh" write it simply as "v." "What" is vat, not vhat.
Rule 1.2: No two letter wordsFor vords like "we" make it "vee." No two-letter vords!
Now vee vill go to the next step.