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I know, I know...we've all been in that situation where we had to pass for a German tourist, ex-GSG9 operative, or foreign exchange student from Bavaria.  When you have to convey this via writing it's even more difficult because you obviously have to type how you talk, and I know I'm not the only one who can say he's lost a significant other or two because I lapsed in my German accent during an email.

Fear no more!  Inside these pages you will learn to express your false Teutonic heritage with pride while developing fluent German language accent skills comparable to any found in a Mel Brooks movie.  I will build upon each rule and use them in subsequent rules until we are writing in a fluent German accent!

Step 1: W's are for the veak

Rule 1: Pronounce all "W's" as "V's"

In German,  the letter "w" is pronounced as a "v," as in "was" or "wehrmacht."  Carry this over into your English for a significant impact.  Vat this does is start to add a Germanic flavor to your speaking.  Use it only vere you pronounce the "w" in English; you vouldn't use it for vords like "write" or "wriangle" but you vould for "we," "webster," "war," and "was." 

Rule 1.1: "Wh" is just "v"

For vords vis a "wh" write it simply as "v."  "What" is vat, not vhat.
 

Rule 1.2: No two letter words

For vords like "we" make it "vee."  No two-letter vords!

Now vee vill go to the next step.
I am french,<br>And I have not laughed like zis for a fery fery fery long time !<br>Thank you for zis incredible moment ! :D
Salut Quantiik,<br><br>Thank you for the kind words and for leaving feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed it! I'm working on the French one next; maybe you can give me some tips ;)<br><br>Cordialement,<br>Gian
The aticle was really well written ! When you used the points seen just before, etc... That made me laugh and with the examples !<br><br>Great job
<p>Okay, so this is FANTASTIC! I need to have a German accent (sort of a bad one, actually) for a play I'm doing, and the only accent help available is mostly for &quot;real&quot; accents, if you know what I mean. This was exactly what I needed--and fun, too! Thank you so much, and I do hope you also create those instructables on French and Mexican accents! </p>
<p>Thank you so much for the nice words! I'm glad that you were able to find my humble instructable on getting that over-the-top german accent (zat iz, zee ahsoritiez..). Hope you were able to use it and have fun with it!</p><p>Thanks for the comment!</p>
I luf zee pikturez. Zis ist fery fun!
sanken sie das ferry much meinen freunden!
<p>This is great. I needed an over the top German accent for a writing I'm working on. Thank you!</p>
<p>I'm writing a story on Wattpad so this was extremely helpful!</p>
Thenk Sie vor making zis!
I thought &quot;and&quot; was written and pronouced &quot;und&quot;.
<p>Love this! How would you write wolfe? Volfe?</p>
does are remain the same?
Hi there,<br>I'm not sure I understand your question. If you mean does the letter &quot;r&quot; remain the same in the accent then I can say there are a couple of ways you can play this. In a period of a few decades, the German language underwent phonotactic change from trilling/rolling the &quot;r&quot; to more of an flip. I had an old German nanny for a few years and when I speak German my friends say I sound like an old person. So, especially when it's letter-initial like in 'rucus' you could really throw out a sharp roll with a snappy emphasis.<br><br>Now, if you are talking about the word &quot;are&quot; then you'll probably have to explain what you're asking again. <br><br>Hope this helps.<br>-gian
<p>Thank you! This is so easy to understand! I reenact WWII stuff so this should be neat to add some authenticity to my impressions. :) </p>
<p>Thank you - your rules are extremely clear. I'm writing a musical and I'm working on a funny scene i which I want the lead character to speak with a thick German accent - did not know how to put specific directions for the actor. Now I have it! Thank you! But because I am a bit greedy - do you have similar posts for Irish and Southern U.S. accents? Please let me know. Thanks.</p><p>I </p>
<p>I am learning a German accent for a play. This has been most helpful. </p>
<p>This is super helpful. A couple questions - for rule 5, you said it's words that START with the sh sound get changed. .. schtop, etc. But later you say &quot;muscht&quot; and &quot;inschtance&quot;, so does that mean it's not just words that starts with those sounds? But rather anytime those sounds come up? How would you say dishonest?</p><p>My other question is how would you say the word &quot;sorry&quot;. </p>
<p>I am Turkish and I have a relative at Germany. Now I have better german accent then her! Danke!!</p>
Hey! I alvays vish I had a German aktcent und now I kan kind ov get von. But I vas vonderink, could you tell me how the &quot;ou&quot; ist pronounced in zee vord &quot;you&quot; ant zee &quot;or&quot; sount ist in zee vord &quot;vord&quot;
I have a character with a thick German accent. Does anyone know of a generator that I could type in and translates to German accent
<p>Using these rules, a simple parser should be capable of doing this. If interested in writing one I would support that.</p>
<p>Okay, as a native german speaker, this actually helped me to write better english too.</p>
<p>Sehr sch&ouml;n. Es ist ein guter Weg, um mit den grundlegenden. :)</p>
ich bin Deutsch und das ist eine Schande f&uuml;r me n my Land
<p>Fielen Dank! I just used your post to hep prepare a karacter I'm doing in a theater--Oh, einshundigen-ein teater klass. I used to live in Germany and had several goot chuckles reading this.</p>
<p>That is so awesome! I hope the character went over well!</p>
Can you give me some tips for German Accents Please, I Need To Learn It For a school play sorry for disturbing you<br>
Hi I grew up speaking with a German eksent ent the most important thing you forgot was the &quot;a&quot; sound in the word &quot;back.&quot; We say &quot;beck&quot; because we kennot pronounce the very difficult &quot;a.&quot; Thenk you.
<p>This is awesome info. Thanks for sharing it!</p>
<p>I schtumbled upon zis, vile lookink for fery great detail on German accents. Zis has gonen abofe unt beyond my expectations.</p>
<p>vell i don't know vat to sprechen. Danke fur das kinden worts!</p>
Another one is to replace the word 'and' with 'und'
Yes, totally, although I might change &quot;und&quot; to &quot;oont&quot; :)<br>Thanks for your comments!
<p>This was really helpful, I am writing a story and have a character with a German accent. This was exactly what I was looking for, thanks!</p>
<p>Heyas, I'm glad its working for you. Thanks for the kind words and your comment!</p>
<p>great</p>

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Bio: Gian is a computational biologist and is the Managing Director at Open Design Strategies, LLC. He holds a BA in Molecular/Cellular Biology and an ... More »
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