Instructables
Picture of How To Type and Talk With a German Accent
I know, I know...we've all been in that situation where we had to pass for a German tourist, ex-GSG9 operative, or foreign exchange student from Bavaria.  When you have to convey this via writing it's even more difficult because you obviously have to type how you talk, and I know I'm not the only one who can say he's lost a significant other or two because I lapsed in my German accent during an email.

Fear no more!  Inside these pages you will learn to express your false Teutonic heritage with pride while developing fluent German language accent skills comparable to any found in a Mel Brooks movie.  I will build upon each rule and use them in subsequent rules until we are writing in a fluent German accent!
 
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Step 1: W's are for the veak

Picture of W's are for the veak

Rule 1: Pronounce all "W's" as "V's"

In German,  the letter "w" is pronounced as a "v," as in "was" or "wehrmacht."  Carry this over into your English for a significant impact.  Vat this does is start to add a Germanic flavor to your speaking.  Use it only vere you pronounce the "w" in English; you vouldn't use it for vords like "write" or "wriangle" but you vould for "we," "webster," "war," and "was." 

Rule 1.1: "Wh" is just "v"

For vords vis a "wh" write it simply as "v."  "What" is vat, not vhat.
 

Rule 1.2: No two letter words

For vords like "we" make it "vee."  No two-letter vords!

Now vee vill go to the next step.
traceep5 months ago

Okay, so this is FANTASTIC! I need to have a German accent (sort of a bad one, actually) for a play I'm doing, and the only accent help available is mostly for "real" accents, if you know what I mean. This was exactly what I needed--and fun, too! Thank you so much, and I do hope you also create those instructables on French and Mexican accents!

nevdull (author)  traceep3 months ago

Thank you so much for the nice words! I'm glad that you were able to find my humble instructable on getting that over-the-top german accent (zat iz, zee ahsoritiez..). Hope you were able to use it and have fun with it!

Thanks for the comment!

DustBunny2 years ago
I luf zee pikturez. Zis ist fery fun!
nevdull (author)  DustBunny2 years ago
sanken sie das ferry much meinen freunden!

Hello nice tutorial. Very informative. I would also recommend adding replacing "and" with "und". So according to one of your previous rules it would pronounced as "unt".

CharlesG21 month ago

How-efer, der are times ven I sink it should be pronounced tink...yah? I tink I vill vait to see vat you haf to say...but, for now...all ees youst fine vith me!

Oh...vat fun dis ees.....yah? Oy! My vordcheck ees all lit up!

Grahfol1 month ago
Sank you for zis. I am auditioning for part in Dame of Sark and need realistic German accent. Zis is goot
nevdull (author)  Grahfol1 month ago
feelen dank! zehr gut. ich bin zehr glat fur zee! Speaken sie das vis zee aksent efreyvehr!
Grahfol Grahfol1 month ago
But could you advise how to say London plis?
Danke
NuratsuD2 months ago

This is such a big help since I'm writing a book and one of my characters are half german! Thank you so much x))) Really appreciated.

nevdull (author)  NuratsuD2 months ago

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Keep on writing!

XD Wow, this is actually really cool! Do you have one with other accents? I tend to write (or want to write) fics with a bunch of accents (read: Hetalia fan)

OMG I LOVE HETALIA!!! that was the only reason I wanted to look this up XD

Same here!

nevdull (author)  NewFanfictionWriter1 year ago
Hi, thanks, glad you liked :) I don't have any other instructables teaching other accents, but I have been playing with a French accent and Mexican accent ones. Stay tuned for more developments if you're interested!
Oblivinator111 months ago
I'm from Austria and I don't speak like this... oder auf Deutsch: Ich bin aus Österreich und spreche nicht so...
in german, we do not only have the article "das". in fact, the english "the" can also be "der" or "die", this depents on the word. "der" for example is masculine. and which word has wich "gender" doesn't follow any specific rules. for instance "the girl" (in german "Das Mädchen") would be neutral in grammar, even though it is definitely female.
so watch out if native speakers of german are around. i personaley heard at school in english lessons rather "pay die attention", because the translated word for attention is in german female.
nevdull (author)  antimatter3141 year ago
Hey thanks for taking the time to write that explanation. That's a good suggestion you make. Maybe our other readers will be able to use that information in making their accent more authentic.

Cheers!
NiKiToS1 year ago
Very nice instruct. The only thing which you missed (meiner Meinung nach) are the soft "L" sounds. In german there is no "L" like in the word "look", in german it sounds more like "luk".
nevdull (author)  NiKiToS1 year ago
Heya, thanks for the kind words and the tips. I'll try to integrate your suggestions into the next revision of this instructable.

tea_kettle3 years ago
Blimey, that's well cheeky!
I live in Germany and I have never met a kitty with such an accent.
In fact many cats attend the "Englisch für kultivierte Feloidea" classes at their local Volkshochschule and speak perfect english!;D
MROHM3 years ago
(removed by author or community request)
nevdull (author)  MROHM3 years ago
vielen danke!
sank u fery much vor zees vords!
cypher0734 years ago
Hilarious...zis iz great!