I know that's hard to hear.
That's why I'm here. To teach you the proper way. It is easy, not quick, and results in a potato with a light, fluffy, butterable interior bursting from a crisp, salty skin. The nutrients are in the skin, you know!
Step 1: The Stuff.
For realsies. You can bake just about any potato, but for the romantic fluffy potatoes you will need russets. Commonly known as Baking Potatoes.
Lots of people call for olive oil which is an okay thing. But after the potatoes have baked you can't really taste it! So what's the point? I use plain old vegetable oil.
If you aren't using salt, your aren't seasoning your food correctly! Properly salted food is an epiphany. I am using kosher flakey salt, but table salt would work, too. You'd need much less of it, though. You're best off using a flaky, crunchy salt here.
To bake in.
THINGS YOU WILL NOT NEED:
Step 2: Potato Prep
You CAN poke them with a fork right now. Note the position of the hand. It's much easier. You don't need to go crazy, but you can if you really want to. The holes let steam escape, you know. If you want to be picky, and I certainly am, poke on two opposing sides of the potato, poking approximately every inch and a half. The holes should line up latitudinally, if you imagine the potato standing up right as tall as it can because it is trying to impress you.