How to Break Up

Step 6 The Break Up

This is anything but easy. But you're prepared! You know your reasons, and you know what to expect.

Stay calm.

"We need to talk" is a completely acceptable lead-in. It's a clear signal that this is serious, and something unpleasant is going to follow.

Sit your partner down and let them know that it's time to end the relationship. Don't mince words. Let them know that you think you've both done everything that you can, and he/she is a great person, but this is just not the right "fit."

Hopefully you know your partner and the state of the relationship well enough to know what to expect. You might, however, be surprised. Try to stay calm, no matter what happens.

Expect a reaction.

This include (but not be limited to!):

• Questioning - He or she will want to know why, and what they could have done to prevent the break-up. Answer as honestly as possible.
• Crying - The other person will likely be upset. You can comfort him or her, but don't be manipulated into changing your mind!
• Bargaining or begging - Your partner may offer to change, or do whatever you want to preserve the relationship. Know that if the person hasn't been able to change in the past, they won't be able to now.
• Lashing out - The other person may be hurting now, and may want you to hurt too. Whether it's as simple as "You'll never find anyone as good as me," or as scary as "If I can't have you, no one can," he or she is usually just trying to make themselves feel better by hurting you. However, threats of physical harm are serious, and should not be ignored.
• Arguing - He or she may dispute anything you've said at this point, even debating examples you've used in your reasons for breaking up. Don't get dragged into a fight. Don't split hairs - it doesn't matter now. Let your partner know that arguing isn't going to change your mind.

If you can't avoid a fight, be ready to leave, acknowledging to your partner that you will continue this discussion when you both have calmed down.