Introduction: How to Break a Cast-Iron Frying Pan
This Instructible documents a tested method for breaking the kind of object that normally falls under the description “indestructible.” Something like the item pictured above, which was once a twelve-inch Wagner skillet and is now scrap metal.
One cast-iron frying pan (note: this method has not been tested on pans smaller than 12 inches)
A high kitchen ceiling (8-10 feet)
A distinct lack of foresight (or a good supply of foolish optimism – your choice)
Read on for five minutes or so of morbid amusement!
Step 1: Step One: Storage Decision
Because of a shortage of kitchen storage space for large objects, choose to keep your cast-iron frying pan on top of the kitchen cabinets, in that mostly-empty space below the ceiling. Obviously, this won’t be practicable if your kitchen ceiling is too low, or your cabinetry is topped by soffits. In that case, you’ll need to move to a more suitable house in order to follow these directions.
IMPORTANT: The cabinets should be high enough so that you have to stand on tiptoe and kind of push the frying pan up into its place. The handle will stick out, but that’s fine; nobody’s going to walk into it, and it’ll be easier to get hold of to take it down again.
On no account should you use your ingenuity to find a lower-down place to store the frying pan, such as in that handy drawer under the oven. It’s too much of a nuisance to have to stack several pans inside each other and remove one or two just to get out the bottom one.
Click “Next” to read the thrilling conclusion!
Step 2: Step Two: the Fumble
a. One fine day, go to put the frying pan away and miscalculate the pan’s distance from the end of the cabinet, so that instead of resting securely on the cabinet, one side of the pan’s rim (the right side, in this case) is resting on empty air.
By the time you realize your mistake, it’s too late to do anything about it – the pan is too heavy for you to catch before it falls. (Unless you have much, much greater wrist and arm strength than I do.)
b. Yelp and jump back. SAFETY TIP: DO NOT INTERPOSE ANY PART OF YOUR BODY BETWEEN THE FLOOR AND FIVE POUNDS OF GRAVITY-IMPELLED CAST IRON. That will only end in pain and more things broken than just the pan.
c. Stare in astonishment as the pan hits the counter (missing any ceramic spoon rests, microwaves, or glass stovetops on the way, if you’re lucky) and then winds up on the floor in two pieces.
d. If you are so inclined, bring out some of the swear words in your vocabulary.
e. Go shopping for a new frying pan.
Click “Next” for a few additional notes.
Step 3: Postscript
- DISCLAIMER: I do not REALLY recommend trying out this method for breaking a cast-iron frying pan. This Instructible is actually a humorous warning and a way to get something out of this experience besides a shock and the expense of a new frying pan.
- But if you do want to try it, check with your spouse first. My husband misses the twenty-seven-year-old seasoned finish of our old frying pan and is not looking forward to breaking in the new one. He definitely would’ve vetoed this experiment if he’d thought of it.
- We are storing our new frying pan in the drawer under the stove, and suffering through the inconvenience of having to lift out the Dutch oven first in order to get at it. We feel that this is much cheaper than buying new kitchen equipment.
We have a be nice policy.
Please be positive and constructive.